Author's Preface
“Listen, Takeda-kun,” I instructed. We were in the library at that moment and were tidying up the desk we used for studying earlier.
I told him to come to school early, around 7 am. I hated to wake up early in the morning, but I had to do it. It was for the sake of implementing the plan to get closer to Rei, so I had no choice but to make some sacrifices. I even had to make excuses to Runa and Yui. All for the sake of giving time to help him. All for the sake of my goal.
Yet this guy… He had the audacity to come to school thirty minutes later than we agreed upon. How were we supposed to have a productive time studying if he was being tardy like that? Thirty minutes wasn’t enough, and I had spent about ten minutes of the remaining time scolding him. And he had just sat there, scratching his head, smiling apologetically, like he wasn’t taking everything seriously.
Wasn’t Takeda so worried about his grades yesterday that he had to put on that whole performance, trying to convince me to help him? This didn’t make any sense to me; he didn’t make any sense to me. Whenever I thought it would be easy to make him do what I wanted, he would make things complicated, forcing me to adjust my approach so everything went according to plan.
Well, it didn’t matter. As long as Takeda stayed cooperative, I could let every sudden whim he had slide for a bit. But if he messed everything up… Next time, even if he begged, no matter how sincere and genuine it was, I wouldn’t get swayed.
Never… again…
“And?” Takeda interrupted himself with a huge yawn, which promptly made me quite irritated, adding more to his screw-up this morning. He was still seated on the other side of the table, leaning back in his chair, casually spreading his feet apart while letting his hands hang at his sides. “What am I supposed to do again?”
I took a deep breath to compose myself, trying to be more patient this time. Otherwise, this would end up with another ten minutes of me reprimanding him.
“Like I told you, you have to talk to him,” I said, fighting the twitching of my eyes. I finished putting the last book we used to study inside my bag. “Homeroom starts at 8:30 today, and it’s already 8. Rei-I mean Kuroiwa-san should be in the classroom already.”
Takeda looked at me and sighed.
“What are you sighing for?” I asked, slipping a little bit of my already peaked annoyance.
“Can’t we just do this, you know, during break instead?” Takeda groaned and set himself up for another yawn.
“How many times are you going to yawn!?” I interrupted him with a yell. He closed his mouth and raised an eyebrow. “It’s almost time for class and you’re still acting like you just left your bed!”
“What do you want me to do?” Takeda complained. “You’re the one who told me to come here early.”
“Pardon me?” I stood straight and crossed my arms before him. “You’re not the only one who has to wake up and come to school early. And besides, even with all the times I reminded you last night, you still have the nerve to show up late.”
I frowned at him, letting him feel the burning rage with how I glared at him. What kind of excuse was he even making? Takeda was not the only one who had to sacrifice the comfort of his own bed for this. He should be thankful instead since I was here to help him. And yet he had the audacity to complain?
Ridiculous.
“Fine,” Takeda said and let out another sigh. He lowered his head for a moment before he decided to meet my gaze with his own. He reluctantly stood up and propped his bag on his shoulder, then started walking to exit the library. “Tell me what to do then,” he said, stopping right beside me.
“Only a few of our classmates should be there by now,” I replied, closing my bag and lifting it by the handle. I pulled it in front of me, holding it with both hands. I looked up at his face. “This should be a perfect time for you to talk to him.”
Takeda scratched his head, looking a bit confused. “If you’re the one who wants to get closer to him, why aren’t you the one to go talk to him instead?”
I closed my mouth before it dropped open. “Sh-” I choked, embarrassed by his one-in-a-million correct logic. “Shut up! If I could do it, then I would have done it before.”
“That’s strange, then how were you able to talk to him back then?” Takeda narrowed his eyes, looking at me with suspicion.
Yesterday, before Takeda and I separated at the train station, he proposed for us to exchange Line IDs. I thought at first that it would be a good idea to do so, since it would be easier for me to give him instructions to implement whatever plan I had thought of. But instead, our conversations last night were mostly him asking for details about Runa. And I might or might not have said a little too much.
Didn’t he say that he already moved on? So why was he still persistently asking about Runa? I couldn’t understand this guy at all.
Regardless, what Takeda was referring to was that time when I had organized a meet-up between Runa and Rei. That was for the sake of helping Runa. And also…
“It’s different,” I tried defending myself, but I looked away as if I was lying. But I wasn’t, I simply wasn’t giving him more details about it. “There was a purpose last time. But if I talked to him suddenly without any reason at all, wouldn’t that be weird?”
“You’re worrying too much,” Takeda slightly shook his head. “I talk to people for no reason a lot of times. And I’ve seen you doing the same with others too.”
What the hell… could he stop saying logical things for a second and just do whatever I told him?
“If you think that’s easy then just go!” I raised my voice since this entire thing had pushed my limits already.
“Alright, alright,” Takeda backed off when he saw my glare becoming even more menacing than before. “Sorry, I was just trying to waste time. I actually understand finding it hard to talk to someone you like. I just don’t want to do this.”
Should I kick him?
I gritted my teeth in anger.
“So tell me, boss, what should I tell him?” Was Takeda trying to tease me by calling me ‘boss’ all of a sudden? Whatever, as long as he was finally not acting difficult.
“Invite him for lunch,” I instructed. “Then tell him you need his help to study, then take him to the former literature club room. I’ll be there waiting.”
“Huh?”
“What?”
“Isn’t that weird?” Takeda scratched his head.
“Weird in what way?” I asked, frowning at whatever kind of excuse he was trying to make this time.
“Well, a guy trying to invite another guy for lunch. That’s kind of weird. We’re not even buddies, you know.”
Both my hands gripped the handle of my bag tightly. I couldn’t handle it anymore and so I lifted my bag over my shoulder, threatening to hit Takeda with it.
“What’s weird is that you’re still here making excuses!” I swung my bag in Takeda’s direction.
But Takeda was very quick to dodge. He stretched his arms forward and opened his hands, gesturing for me to stop.
“Woah, violence is not the answer when you’re angry,” he said, in a voice that I couldn’t recognize if it was him being concerned about his safety or him being sarcastic and mocking me.
I pulled my bag up once more.
“Says the former delinquent!” Then I sprinted toward him and swung again.
This time he caught my bag.
“L-let go!” I yelled as I struggled to pull my bag back. But he yanked it easily and lifted it up so I couldn’t reach for it. “Ah, no. Wait, my bag!”
“If you stop trying to hit me with it, I’ll give it back,” Takeda grinned.
I pouted. I didn’t like him using his height to his advantage, grinning as well to make fun of me.
I tried to jump for my bag. “Uuugh.” And I wished I could jump as high as Mika.
It made me look like I was a kid in front of Takeda so I stopped trying. I turned around halfway, crossed my arms, and looked away. “Fine,” I said. “Just give back my bag.”
After a moment of Takeda probably deliberating if he could trust what I said or not, he finally offered my bag to me. I took it and carefully held the handle with both my hands again. The urge to make another attempt to hit him with my bag was still there. But I decided to just let it slide this time.
Takeda showed another grin. But I met it with a frown. He turned around, intending to leave the library, finally. But he hesitated a step and stopped midway through.
“I’ve been thinking about this since last night,” Takeda said, looking up at the ceiling while his back was still turned to me. “Did you try to use Miyase-san’s failing grades and take it as an opportunity to get close to that transfer student?”
I remained silent, wondering if I should tell him or not. But, did it really matter at this point?
“Yes,” I answered without giving more context to it.
I really did make that decision to ask for Rei’s help for Runa’s sake. But initially, I also tried to use it as a perfect chance to get close to Rei. I was hoping they would study in the library or in the empty classroom. And I would show up from time to time under the pretext of trying to help with their session. But that plan already failed the moment Rei himself wanted Runa to study in his apartment with him instead.
What could I have done at that point? Surprising them with me going into his apartment? That would be really weird and suspicious. Especially since I wasn’t invited to go.
And it had been bothering me. All of the things that transpired since that late May afternoon, I never anticipated. Runa getting closer to Rei, Mika choosing to stop hanging out with us, and me still stuck watching him in the classroom. Because I couldn’t approach him if I couldn’t find a reason to.
This hesitation… was a curse. Inflicted by a past that could’ve easily been avoided.
“You really are something else, huh,” Takeda said. And then he walked.
I agreed. But I didn’t know why he didn’t use a much harsher word to describe me. Evil, wicked, liar, malicious, pretender. All of which could’ve described me accurately. I didn’t want to buy the idea that he was being nice or anything else. Why would he? I was the kind of girl that didn’t hesitate to manipulate him into doing something that he didn’t want to do. I was the kind of girl that didn’t hesitate to use my dear friend for the sake of achieving a goal.
The evidence was clear to him. Standing before him. But he chose to be careful what to call me. If it was me, I wouldn’t think twice.
I stared at the doorway where Takeda left a moment longer than I probably should have, even when he already was gone. And when I took a deep breath, I went back to where I sat during our study session. I would wait here until a few minutes before homeroom started. There was no surprise meeting for the committee today and our practice session was scheduled for this afternoon instead.
I already instructed Takeda to not talk to me in class. Because it would be weird if other students suddenly saw us talking when we never did before. So, the time I would know if he succeeded in what I told him to do was when I saw Rei walk into the former literature club room where I would be waiting.
I gripped the handle of my bag tighter and I turned to look outside the library window.
I will be there waiting for you… Rei.
So, please come.
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lunch break came, and I immediately got out of the classroom so I could go first and wait in the former literature club room. Ten minutes had passed since I arrived, but I was still patient. I knew Rei would always walk slowly, and there was still enough time until lunch was over.
I placed my lunch box over the same desk as before, the only desk that remained in this classroom. I borrowed a chair from one of the nearby clubrooms and placed it on the other side of the desk, opposite to where I sat.
I smiled as I perfectly arranged my books and notebooks on the desk. These were the ones that I imagined Rei and I were going to use for studying. I had instructed Takeda to ask Rei for help with his studying. But what was actually going to happen was Takeda not showing up, leaving me and Rei alone together. I would then use studying as a way for me to converse with Rei. Also, because I did have some lessons I was struggling with, this would be a good opportunity to ask for his help too.
I anticipated the fun that I would be having. I smiled and felt giddy from the thought that finally I would get my own chance to be alone with Rei. But at the same time, I was a bit nervous. I reached inside my bag and took my compact and snapped it carefully open to look at myself in its mirror, checking if I needed to reapply some makeup. It was already the fifth time I had checked, but I just couldn’t help myself.
I mean…
What would I say when Rei finally arrived? What would we talk about first? I wondered if he still remembered the first time we met. What if I talked about that instead? We could reminisce together, maybe joke around a little. I would tease him a bit and he would probably look at me, confused like last time and I would just giggle. And he would probably take time to reply though. But that was one thing I liked about him; he always took things seriously. And he would never walk away whenever someone needed help. Just like how he never did when I needed him that time. Even when I never asked for his help.
I heard footsteps coming closer to the clubroom from the outside.
I stood up, excited, anticipating the moment Rei would appear, thinking fast, picking every possible way I could greet him, trying hard to compose myself, and practicing a warm, welcoming smile so as to make a good impression.
But then…
“I’m sorry.” Everything I had been hoping for shattered in merely a second. Takeda stood at the entrance of the clubroom instead of Rei. And he was apologizing.
My heart sank… My eyes widened in shock for a second before they became dull and lost all their spark.
I should’ve expected this.
No.
Why did I not even consider anything else if this didn’t work? I had already believed Rei would come even though I had no sufficient evidence that he would. But still, considering what I knew about him, he should’ve undoubtedly come. Yet…
This didn’t make any sense. Everything that I did earlier began to look like it didn’t make any sense.
The disappointment I felt crushed my spirit. I had to sit down immediately, otherwise I would have fallen to the floor with how weak my knees had gotten. My body suddenly felt heavy and I had to place an arm on the desk and another on the backrest of the chair I sat on. But my head still fell, my eyes ended staring at the wooden floor, almost blurring as tears attempted to well up. I closed my eyes to not let even one tear escape. And then everything felt like it was spinning and everything felt like a dream.
Why?
I thought Rei never refused anyone who needed help.
But why did he not come?
“Are you okay?” I heard Takeda’s voice along with his steps approaching me.
I raised my head a little. It took quite an effort but I managed still. Then I noticed the pile of notebooks that Takeda was holding with both his hands. And so I looked away and bit my lip, realizing what that implied. Rei gave Takeda his notes instead because he thought that was enough. Or probably…
“Hey, if you’re not feeling well, I’ll help you get to the infirmary,” Takeda said, placing the notebooks on top of the desk.
“I’m fine,” I replied, trying to conceal the pain from my voice. “What happened?” I asked instead.
“Sorry,” Takeda apologized again. “I did what you told me this morning, and he said he would come, but…” he paused. “But after you left the classroom, Mika-san pulled him somewhere, so he had no choice but to give me these notebooks. He said this should be enough.”
Mika…
What the hell…
I clenched the hand resting on the desk, lifted it, and slammed it down as hard as I could.
“Hey, watch out!” Takeda yelled, warning me about the things that had already been placed on the desk. Or probably worried I would hurt myself. But who cared? I didn’t.
Books almost fell, the pile of notes scattered, my chopsticks I prepared on top of my lunch box found their way to the floor.
And my hand…
It hurt. It stung. But the pain inside me was more overwhelming. The rage boiling inside me was unrelenting. Of all the people to ruin everything that I had been waiting for a long time, it had to be Mika.
Why did she do this? Was this revenge for what happened yesterday? But how could she have known about my plan? Regardless, I would not let this slide so easily.
Whether Mika had deliberately done this to me didn’t matter. Whether she was my friend didn’t matter. Whether I still had lingering sympathy for her didn’t matter.
Everything at that moment. Everything about her. Everything… didn’t matter.
I had longed for this. I had been dreaming about this. Waited for months for the same opportunity that Mika and Runa easily got. And when I finally got that same opportunity, it was gone. Just like that. Because of that wench. Mika.
…
You did this to yourself…
This time…
I’m sorry, Mika…
…
Who was I kidding? I wouldn’t be sorry at all…
Because this time…
I wouldn’t hold back.
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I instructed Takeda to take the notebooks Rei had given him. We would use them instead for our study session tomorrow morning. We couldn’t do an afternoon session because of the practice we had to do.
And so, during that practice. I stopped caring.
Everyone on the team seemed to be excited for the start of the ball tournament tomorrow. I was too. But that enthusiasm faded with an incident that some traitorous wench caused. I tried the whole time we practiced to keep myself composed, but sometimes my hands would tremble on their own and would hit the volleyball toward another direction.
I also stopped giving commands. Yui did that for me instead. Without even asking, she already knew I wasn’t in the mood for it. Although, she had not figured me out yet. Yui had an incredible intuition when it came to this sort of thing.
Along with…
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Runa leaned closer to me while we sat on the bench inside the gym. The other class scheduled with us had already left. But our class decided to take a few more sets to practice a little. Runa and I rested, while the others kept on playing.
I smiled, as warm as I could manage.
“Nothing,” I told Runa who was looking at me with concern.
Which actually made me think sometimes. I knew she heard me last time when Yui and I were talking in her room. I noticed her footsteps got closer so I knew she was probably standing there outside her door listening to the conversation I was having with Yui.
Yet, Runa only went in when she heard us talking about Rei. And she even pretended not to hear anything. But I could imagine how she could’ve felt. I knew it would’ve hurt her. She was already drowning in sorrow from Rei being absent with no explanation. I knew because I was feeling the same. And even after everything, even after her being suspicious about me. Here she was, still looking after me if she sensed I was not feeling well.
I sighed.
So many things to think about.
“See,” Runa pouted. “That sigh felt very heavy.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I kept my smile. But my eyes kept looking at the court. I tried not to frown to give off the animosity I had been keeping ever since lunch break ended. Toward a certain person, toward Mika.
“Are you sure?” Runa replied.
But as if my body had a mind of its own. I stood up, slowly walked toward the court, and stepped on the opposing side from Mika’s team while they were preparing for a serve.
“Hina?” Runa called for my attention. But I ignored her.
There was only one thing my eyes were set on, and my mind was locked onto that single goal. Mika was athletic, but sports were not just about athleticism.
Mika humiliated me during lunch break. So… Now… It should be my right to return the favor.
“Mind if I join you?” I asked after approaching the girls on the opposing team.
“...Sure,” one of them answered, although all seven of them, including the one playing as a libero, looked at me in confusion.
“I’ll be the setter,” I said and assumed the position from where their setter was.
“Aren’t you tired?” one of them asked.
“I’m fine,” I smiled as a response.
And when they saw me smiling, all their faces transformed to relief. Mika had been giving them a lot of headache, so I guess having me on their team gave them a little hope.
“Hey,” Mika’s annoying voice was directed toward me. I frowned for half-a-second but turned my smile back on. I didn’t care if anyone noticed the subtle change in my expression. All I cared about was what I wanted to do.
I turned around, and met Mika’s glare.
“You can’t just show up and disrupt our practice like that,” Mika continued. And I turned my smile into a grin. Purposely trying to mock her.
“Are you afraid to lose?” I replied. And I felt the heavy stares of everyone around us. I didn’t bother to hide my mocking grin. And Mika kept her glare at me and even made it sharper.
With merely those gestures. Simple gestures. The atmosphere inside the gym transformed. Everyone knew now that this wasn’t a practice match anymore. It was serious. Although they didn’t know the context behind it, the fire of rivalry burning in both mine and Mika’s eyes raged and resonated with everyone else.
“I-I’ll take a rest,” the supposed setter of the team volunteered for me to replace her. She ran toward the side of the gym where the benches were.
“It’s settled then,” I smirked toward Mika.
“Hmmph,” Mika scoffed at me, looking away and crossing her arms before she decided to finally assume her position as the attacker.
Yui, who was waiting for her turn to get back to the court as the libero, was looking at us worried at the other side from where I was.
I thought this coming match would be difficult, of course it would. Yui had always been a great defender. Quick to chase down a stray volleyball that no one else could save. But she would create miracles. Of all the people here, I could say that Yui was the one who was the most talented. And she had a great mind for volleyball strategies too.
But it didn’t matter. Everything didn’t matter. Winning wasn’t my goal after all. It was to teach a particular someone a lesson. And I had been eyeing her like prey ever since practice started.
One of Mika’s new friends acted as our referee this time, resting from our match earlier. She blew the whistle. And everyone readied themselves for what was about to come.
The server bounced the ball on the floor a few times before serving.
I took that time to turn toward my team.
“Listen to what I say,” I instructed. “We’ll win no matter what.”
All their eyes lit up. All of them nodded at the same time. And that was all that I needed from them.
The server tossed the ball, chased it and then jumped.
As the volleyball travelled to the other side of the net.
Better be ready, Mika , I thought. Because this might hurt a little.
Comments