Chapter 33: When the Angel exposes her truth

Author's Preface

That rumor…

A rumor that I had to devise out of desperation…

Without anything to base it on. Without any proof to even support it.

And all I had to do was to sew the missing thread into two pieces of cloth already bought by the minds of others. Even though both of them didn’t match. But as long as you use them as a foundation, connect them to build a fraud, it would eventually create a beautiful garment manufactured to be worn and presented to the world without anyone questioning how it was actually done.

All because Rei came to school with a big patch on his face and bruises under his chin. That was already enough for the right people to buy a piece of misinformation, believing whatever a credible seller told them as pure fact.

“Don’t you think it’s odd that he transferred?”

“Don’t you think it’s odd that he came to school looking like that?”

“This might not be true, but someone coming to school like that, not even worrying about how he looked is definitely someone who is a troublemaker.”

Two pieces of cloth and then the missing thread…

And the people who heard what I said? They all believed me so easily, without even entertaining a single doubt. I wasn’t the one who spread those lies. I wasn’t the one who told the whole school about them. I was just there to say something and contribute to what those students were already talking about. When I went back to school, late in the afternoon because I had to retrieve something I forgot. Inside an empty classroom. Where the gossipers always gossiped.

I didn’t even remember who they were. And didn’t really care who they were. Their purpose was to listen. That was all. And after having a taste of something that I had sold to them, they went on and spread the word, letting other people have a taste as well.

So of all people that Mika should blame, I definitely shouldn't be one of them. After all, I was very sure to hide every trace that would eventually point toward me. So I knew Mika shouldn’t even have any evidence to prove what she was accusing me about.

But…

I also knew that Mika was stubborn. She was smart enough that she would be able to connect everything, but that was if every little detail was available to her. Yet here she was, glaring at me like I was already her sworn enemy. Confident with all her assumptions. Without any proof, without any evidence. And one small slip from me would reveal everything that I was hiding.

Even if I regretted what I had done. Even if I had only done so by accident. The result was still there. Rei had been isolated from class because of those rumors. People were already avoiding him before that, but there was a certain mystique about him that some people were still curious enough to approach him.

I didn’t like that. So I had to do what I thought I had to do.

Until I found the courage myself to finally claim him. Even though it had been months since I first laid my eyes on him. And the whole thing had become very complicated since.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

I told myself: No matter what happens, do not slip.

Then after I opened my eyes, I smiled. Without any hints of worry, without any hints that I was trying to find my way out of all of this. I smiled as naturally as I could. But it wasn’t to show my innocence. It was all so I could control how the conversation would go.

Mika raised an eyebrow after I had been silent for a couple of minutes. We just stood there while others were busy hurrying to leave, while the next classes to take over the gym had started to come in batches. But we didn’t care about them. What mattered to me at that point was to end Mika’s nonsense. And I could guess that what mattered for Mika at that point was to squeeze whatever truth she wanted me to confess.

“Can we talk about this next time?” I asked. Deliberately not denying or agreeing to her.

“Why? So you can run away?” Mika with her stubborn stern voice answered immediately.

Of course, I was expecting her to not let me off the hook that easily. But I really did not want to proceed further.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit awkward confronting me with an accusation in front of everyone?” I insisted, using her fear of drawing unwanted attention against her.

“You’re making yourself sound even more guilty,” she retorted. “I don’t care about what others think. I only care for you to tell me why you did what you did.”

Ugh…

So persistent…

I had known Mika for only a little over a year. Yet within that time, we ate lunch together, we walked to school and walked home together, we hung out during the weekends, we talked, we laughed, we helped each other whenever we found ourselves in a bind. But here she was, forgetting everything like it never happened. Like our friendship didn’t matter to her. Even if it was just for a short time, I treasured those moments with her.

And for what?

Over a boy she didn’t even know if she had a chance with?

…

But it was not like I was innocent myself. Though at least… Even with what she did the last time we were all together at the rooftop. Even when she stopped hanging out with us. Even then… I still considered her as a friend.

She should be feeling lucky I still did. Otherwise, I wouldn’t think twice about eviscerating and humiliating her in front of other students.

Maybe I should just walk away. But a part of me wasn’t willing to let her have the last word. And that part of me started to take over without realizing the consequences it was about to bring.

“Do you really think you stand a chance against Runa?” The words blurted out without my permission, while that other part of me took over my smile, making it more sinister. I was about to make myself say something else. Something that even I was sure would make Mika crumble in pain. But as soon as I opened my mouth, I quickly fought back and shut it closed.

Mika scowled further. Her face grimaced and her fists clenched beside her. I didn’t mean to say whatever it was that came out of me. But the effect on her was still the same as what I was actually after. But even with that much anger built up inside her.

Mika remained quiet. And her frown started to disappear, transforming into pity for herself. I felt guilty after seeing her like that. But she was the one who brought it on herself.

“I…” she finally muttered. But it was too weak to hear that it almost sounded like she whispered to herself.

“Forget what I said,” I smiled. “Let’s just talk about what you want to talk about later, okay?”

I knew it wasn’t enough, but taking back what already had been said was never going to take away what overwhelmed Mika at that moment. She didn’t even respond. Not a stare, not a nod, and not even a breath. She merely stood there wallowing inside her own thoughts.

Despite Mika always acting fierce and presenting herself to look more confident than how she actually was, deep inside her was a girl completely drowned in insecurity. Especially if she was being compared to Runa. Her best friend. Because no matter how much Mika loved Runa, Mika would always let jealousy take over, and after whatever happened between them which led to her deciding to separate away from Runa, I knew that fighting over that jealousy was something that she had been struggling to overcome.

And here I thought she was already prepared.

I guess, at the end of the day, even if you had learned something from previous mistakes, it would still take a lot of time for people to be able to change. It was still too soon for Mika. And at that point, I realized there was nothing that I could do. Whatever I would say, no matter how nicely I said it, it would come out as if it was poison to her.

I turned around, intending to leave.

“Mika-chi!” One of the flashy girls that Mika had been hanging around with lately appeared by the entrance of the gym. Calling for Mika’s attention while waving a hand.

I wasn’t sure who it was. Was it Ayane? Or maybe Kanoko? But did knowing who she was actually matter? Sure, they would become my teammates for the ball tournament this week, but my connection to them would only last for about a week.

When the flashy girl didn’t see Mika respond to her, she started to jog closer to where we were. I started to walk away as well. I wanted to not make this thing much more complicated than it already was. But the flashy girl arrived before I could get a significant distance. And so we walked past each other.

“Wait,” Mika finally said something before I was too far away to hear her. “Why?” she asked, voice shaking with frustration. I didn’t turn around to look at her. But by the way she asked, I had a feeling that she was expressing her frustration toward me, toward herself, and toward the inability to make me explain what she wanted me to.

“Why did you do it?” she persistently asked.

I could just walk away. I could just pretend that I didn’t hear her. No matter what I would say at this point; the truth, a lie, or a mix of both. I knew Mika had already made up her mind. She simply saw me as her enemy from that point.

It was sad for me to bear that thought. But what could I even do to change her mind? After taking a moment to decide a proper way to settle all of this, I turned around. And I saw Mika still trying hard to fight through her emotions, biting her lips while staring at me with such a determined look. Even though her face was faltering through the pain from what I told her.

The flashy girl beside her alternated her glances between me and Mika. Confused at what was going on, but even with curiosity she was still gracious enough to give us space. And after I saw that her new friend wouldn’t get involved, I figured it was finally safe for me to approach Mika. At least so that she could hear what I was going to say next.

I took a step, and Mika’s stare never left me. But her hands tightened even more. And when I reached near enough, I stopped, took a deep breath, and then smiled. And as an apology for hurting her, as a formal goodbye to our friendship that I refused to let go, I decided to tell her the truth.

“Because I like him,” I revealed without breaking my smile.

“Huh?” Mika uttered in surprise. I could tell that she didn’t expect that answer from me. “If that’s the case then—”

I cut her off by turning around and walking away. At that point I didn’t see any benefits to letting her waste more of my time. I said what I said. I told her the truth. Not all of it. Only the pieces I decided were enough for her.

At that moment, since she herself treated me like I was her enemy, I figured it was time for me to let go of the idea of me and Mika still being friends. She had become a rival that I once got along with. Nothing more, and nothing less.

And if that was the case.

Then…

Next time, I wouldn’t hold anything back.

…

I had a great time being friends with you, Mika… I really did.

Although it pains me to say it, but…

Goodbye…

I hope everything you have decided to do would be worth it for you…

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Today was supposed to be a great day. Since Rei had finally come back to school after a week of being absent. But I couldn’t enjoy finally being able to see him. Rather, I was exposed to three different scenarios that left me exhausted for the rest of the day. A stupid meeting by a lovestruck student council president, a stupid meeting with a former delinquent reformed to be an athlete, and a stupid confrontation that ended a friendship.

And all of them stayed in my thoughts until the afternoon.

I sighed the exhaustion out of me. I didn’t know how many times it was already, all I knew was that it wasn’t enough times.

…

I lost a friend today…

My feet stopped taking another step forward as that thought appeared in my mind. Finally letting go of Mika was something I really didn’t want to do. I really liked her. But it would be stupid of me if I continued that hope. Besides, it was kind of unfair that I was the only one she was treating like she did earlier. I knew she was still talking with Runa. And I never saw her show any kind of animosity toward Yui.

So why only me?

I tried to search for an answer on the ground. There wasn’t any, so I raised my head to look at the sky. Yet the only thing that I found was that it had the color of loneliness. Blue fighting against orange to dominate that wide space above and grey clouds that you couldn’t predict if it meant a sign of rain or they were just passing by.

Lonely.

Just like how I was, walking alone in the afternoon. While my friends decided to take a detour I wasn’t really interested in. No. I actually was interested. Since the two of them were supposed to go to Rei’s apartment. Yui took Mika’s role to supervise Runa and Rei as per request of Runa’s mother.

But I… I refused to go with them… Since I didn't really know what I would do if I was there.

No…

I was just being a coward. Fearing to witness the mistake that I had made. Even though it contradicted the real reason why I had Rei help Runa with her studies. But it was too late. That reason wasn’t viable anymore. I had to do things the other way at that point. But I didn’t know what to do.

The grip of my hands holding my bag in front of me tightened. I wondered what would have become of me if I wasn’t the first to meet Rei? What would my role be in all of this if I wasn’t the first one to fall in love with him?

But the real question that I really wanted to know the answer to was: what if I did something instead of letting myself be satisfied from merely being able to watch Rei? I should’ve approached him back then. I should’ve talked to him back then. I should’ve claimed that empty space surrounding him and filled it before anyone else had a chance to.

Yet all those opportunities were now gone. My plan to use Runa as a reason to become close with Rei backfired. What I never intended to do that made anyone else get close to him was exposed. And my attempt for Runa to consider another option ended miserably.

Was all of what I did… worth it?

If only… if only I never let someone break me before… Maybe… then…

“Yo,” I heard Takeda suddenly announce himself behind me with a greeting.

I closed my eyes, composing myself back from the vulnerable state that I was before he arrived. I shouldn’t let him see that I was weak. Otherwise he would take advantage of that weakness and I would lose control over him.

“What do you want?” I uttered with annoyance clear in my voice. I lowered my head, pulling my eyes away from the melancholy of the sky. But I didn’t turn around to at least display some courtesy toward him. After all, why would I? Takeda was my servant. And a servant didn’t have any luxury of getting favors from their master.

Especially since I didn’t trust him yet.

“What are you being cold for?” Takeda asked, responding to my annoyance of his arrival with his own. But still he approached me and stood beside me after. “You told me this morning that you’ll help me study, but you went home without even telling me.”

He had a point. But a point that was too weak for me to even consider if he was right.

“Why?” I looked up to glare at his face. “You haven’t done anything for me yet.”

“Huh? What are you talking about?” Takeda responded, raising an eyebrow showing genuine cluelessness of what he was supposed to do. “You haven’t told me anything.”

“I did,” I scowled at him, which made him back off a little. “Wasn’t the deal about you helping me to become closer with Re-Kuroiwa-san?”

“Ahh, that,” Takeda replied. “Sorry, forgot,” he smiled, scratched his head, and almost drove me insane from frustration.

Takeda was meant to help me and here he was, acting ignorant to what we had agreed upon. I closed my eyes and took another deep breath to not let anger control my voice.

“If you’re not going to help me,” I said, making sure he would understand what I was going to say by walking away and turning my back to him. “Then pray that you find someone else to help you study.”

I opened my eyes so I wouldn’t accidentally trip. The train station was still a few minutes away. And I had no patience for someone who already had proven his usefulness to be non-existent. Even though the only plan left that I know of on how to approach Rei was through Takeda. There would be no justification to provide him with my service if he wouldn’t be that reliable. I could try to think of another way. Even if it would take a while for me to come up with something else.

But walking away was not only for that purpose. If Takeda was actually serious about passing his grades, he would see how serious I was about our deal. And if he was serious, then the next thing he would do was…

“W-wait!” Takeda yelled.

Right, prevent me from walking away. And finally letting me tie and hold the leash around his neck.

Alright, my supposed loyal servant. Start begging.

I stopped walking and waited a few moments until I hesitatingly turned around to face him. And when his pitifulness and his desperation filled the expression of his face, I almost smirked.

Not yet, Hina, I thought. Not yet, let him dance a little more.

Come on, Takeda… Say you’re sorry…

“Your face looks weird,” Takeda said.

Of all the things I anticipated him to say, I even considered him refusing me. But that was the one I never even thought would come out from his mouth.

My eyes widened and my jaw dropped in complete shock. And my hands trembled along with the bag they were holding.

I couldn’t believe the audacity of this man. Was he blind? Was he trying to take over this conversation? What was his agenda?

D-did I really look weird?

I frowned, closed my mouth shut, then looked away, hiding my face from him.

“Stop trying to force yourself not to smirk if you want to,” Takeda continued. “I already know that side of you. You’re just making yourself look weird if you do that.”

How… dare… he!!!

Could he stop making it worse!

Warmth started to burn my face. I snapped my eyes to glare at him.

“Shut up!” I yelled.

How much more of an irritation could this guy become?

Takeda grinned, making my eyes twitch in anger.

“The deal is over!” I scowled. I didn’t care about the plan anymore. I wouldn’t want to associate with someone who would openly insult me to my face.

But before I turned around to leave, Takeda apologized.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “That was a bit rude for me to say.”

I kept my frown and glare, but I waited further.

“I really need help with my grades, and I appreciate the opportunity you gave me,” he paused for a moment before continuing. “S-so, I guess it can’t be helped. I’ll make you and that transfer student become closer.”

I composed myself. I still couldn’t forgive him about what he said to me. But at least he ended up doing as I expected him to.

“As punishment for insulting me,” I said. “Beg.”

“Huh?” Takeda blurted. “Right here?”

I nodded.

All I wanted him to do was bow. That was what I predicted he would do. But again, he surprised me when he knelt. And then bowed his head as low as he could.

Why did he suddenly become so unpredictable? He wasn’t like this earlier? Did I underestimate him?

I was left speechless that I didn’t even notice my frown and my anger being washed away. How could someone act so genuinely sincere like this? I couldn’t understand.

“I beg you,” Takeda pleaded, lowering his head a bit more. “I really can’t afford to miss the tournament if we qualify. Basketball is everything to me, so if only you give me another chance, I promise I won’t disappoint.”

“I-I thought you’re just playing basketball to impress Runa.”

“A little,” he said, raising his head to meet my eyes. “But I really do care about the club. I really care about my teammates. And I want to do everything I can to help us win.”

No words appeared for me to say. I was just left looking into his eyes, wondering if he was telling the truth. And all I could see was his earnestness. His determination toward what his goal was. And I wouldn't lie to myself with this: I was a bit moved.

“You see,” Takeda continued, assuming my silence as hesitation. “When I joined the team, I was not really that serious.” He stood up slowly. “But seeing how patient my teammates are to teach me the basics.” And then started approaching me. “I took the responsibility to lead them all toward a certain dream.”

“W-what is that dream?” I asked, choking my words a little.

“To win.” Takeda stopped a few inches away from where I stood, leaving enough space between us. “So please…”

I couldn’t handle the intensity of his gaze toward me anymore and so I had to lower my own gaze toward the ground. This was supposed to be where I should laugh… where I should brush all of what he said aside and make it seem like it was a privilege for him to even acquire my help.

But all I ever felt at that moment was… impressed… In awe…

Admiration…

“Fine,” my mouth said on its own. “But you do whatever I tell you from now on.”

“Huh?” Takeda blurted in protest. “Wasn’t the deal about helping you with—”

“Yes! That! I meant that!” I shouted at him, backing away when he started walking closer to me.

The warmth came back to my face. And I accidentally let go of my bag, using my hands to cover my cheeks. I yelped in surprise when I realized what I did, but my hands never stopped hiding what they started to cover.

But Takeda was quick. Catching my bag before it even grazed the ground.

“Whoops,” he grinned, like he was showing off his reflexes catching my bag. But I didn’t feel any arrogance from him. It was more like he was just enjoying the thrill of testing his own athleticism. “Caught it,” he laughed like he was a kid, looking at me like he was expecting some praise.

I was more irritated rather than wanting to praise him, though. But I didn’t know the reason why.

I grabbed my bag from him when he offered it to me.

“Thanks,” I said, trying to avoid looking at him.

Then I started to walk. And he caught up to walk beside me.

“Are we going to start today?” Takeda asked excitedly.

“No, of course not!” I replied. “Where do you think we could go to study?”

“I don’t know? A cafe? The town library?”

“They’re too far and it’s getting late. We’ll start tomorrow instead.”

“Alright, what time?”

“Morning.”

“That works.”

“And afternoon.”