Author's Preface
This happened before.
Back in middle school, when I thought I was safe. In a place where I thought no one could see me. And that person found out who I really was. That led me to be swayed by that person’s persistence.
To come closer, and he’d told me so that he would know me better.
To be with me every day, and he’d told me so that I would get to know him better.
And, to make me fall in love. Which I did. Wholeheartedly. Which I now regret having done.
“What are you doing here, Takeda-kun?” I hid my panic with a smile. And I could feel the corner of my lips twitching from being forced to stretch.
But he merely answered my question with a stare while I felt his eyes judging me. And if they could talk, I could hear them calling me crazy. At least, that was what I would say to myself if I caught myself acting violently against the school gym wall.
I didn’t know what to do. Every second that Takeda decided not to talk was a second that pinned me over a cross that I, a deceitful witch, imagined where people who hated me thought I deserved. And there were many of them who would think that.
But no… I had perfectly crafted an image that I was an angel.
Surely, no matter what this Takeda before me saw earlier. Surely, it wouldn’t be enough to make him think that I was doing something strange. Surely, he would think it was an illusion. Surely…
“So what did the wall do this time?” Takeda asked.
And my thoughts started to run around, carrying papers of excuses carefully crafted so whenever this kind of situation would happen, there would always be something that I could say. But these situations were rare. In all honesty, this was only the second time someone had seen me acting how I really was besides my family.
It was strange, even despite having Runa and Yui as friends for years. I was able to not slip from the mask I meticulously crafted for many years. Yet twice a stranger would find me. And twice I wasn’t prepared.
“What do you possibly mean?” I answered with a question, making my voice sound as high-pitched and cute as possible. So that Takeda would find me innocent. And hopefully for him not to push me more into a corner.
Please… just stop staring already…
Takeda let out a sigh. “Alright, I understand. If you’re going to play that way, I’ll try to pretend I didn’t see anything,” he said and started walking past me.
…I guess, I had no choice but to just accept his answer.
I sighed in relief. And I wanted to leave to join the volleyball practice inside. But, how could I be sure that this guy wouldn’t tell anyone? I needed to be sure. And I thought of a plan to try. As well as another if it wouldn’t work.
So I turned around to face him.
“By the way,” I started, trying to act friendly to hide my intentions. “Are you done with your practice?”
Takeda looked at me, leaning against the wall, arms crossed and a knee folded while his foot tips the ground. His eyes got caught between being wary and curious. Although his gaze was perpetually menacing, in a way, it had life burning inside it. Unlike the certain gaze that mesmerized me…
I shook my head before I deviated from what my goals were supposed to be.
“What?” Takeda broke the silence after we froze into a staring contest for a second. “I already said I won’t tell anyone.”
“Hey, don’t be like that,” I replied, giggling, even though what he said was very alarming to me. But I kept acting innocent while walking closer toward him. “I’m just a bit concerned, since I want us to win,” I said, stopping right before him and staring up into his eyes. He was staring back, and I tried giving him a little wink and a smile… but he only sighed.
Takeda leaned forward and stood straighter than how he was just now. I automatically took a step back to give him space. But maybe I shouldn’t have, after all, us being close would’ve given me a little leverage to execute my plan.
“I came here to rest,” Takeda responded. “Happy now?”
“Why are you being so mean?” I answered. “I’m just… concerned.”
“About not telling anyone of what I saw?” Takeda’s reply sent me into an internal maze, trying to find my way around this guy’s walls. I never thought such a simpleton would be too annoying to deal with. Which makes me reconsider a bit if I need to proceed with the second plan instead.
No.
If possible, I would like to keep my persona going. I needed to keep trying and get Takeda to lower his guard. For now, being friendly to him was the more viable option.
I took a step forward, thinking that him seeing my charms up close would help me convince him somehow. But before I could take another one. Takeda already stopped me with a gaze and a sigh.
“Look, if you’re still not convinced,” he said. “I’ve seen you like that before. And no one knew about it, right?”
That confirms it, then. He did know. But even if he knew and never told someone what he witnessed… yet. I was still not convinced that he would stay quiet about it. Though, what irks me the most was that I was not the one in control of the situation. At the end of the day, I should be the one to get the final say on the matter.
I would not be swayed once more…
I took a moment to think, closing my eyes to refresh the available routes to take. If he was being stubborn like this, then I guess it was time for me to take off my mask and give him something that he wants.
“You said you came here at the back of the school gym, of all places to rest,” I said, crossing my arms and setting a foot in front of me, to make my voice feel more important than his. “Isn’t that kind of odd? Why here? Why not anywhere else?”
“That’s none of your business,” Takeda replied, sighing heavily.
I knew I had caught him right then. He wanted to be isolated for a reason. And that reason didn’t really involve the practice he just had.
I tried to hide the sinister forming in my mouth that almost mixed within my smile. “You just got rejected yesterday,” I emphasized while starting to tap my foot ahead of the other on the ground. “You actually did not come here to rest, you came to wallow from your own self-pity,” I continued. “Pfft,” and I accidentally muffled a laugh.
Takeda frowned at me. “How did you even know about that?” he asked.
“Runa told us,” I said smugly. “He told Yui and me last night that she rejected you.”
“Liar,” Takeda immediately replied, getting a little annoyed by what I said. “Runa… she’ll never say it like that,” he said, even though he tried to sound sure. He paused for a moment, and I sensed the hesitation.
Of course he knew I would be lying. I anticipated that perfectly. And also anticipated how he second-guessed himself even though he knew. After all, there were a few hours of him lying in regret from running away, beating himself up for being too late. But most of all, he had enough hours of him denying and fighting the urge to blame Runa for all the hurt he had been feeling lately.
Good…
That was all that I needed.
“But you still weren't chosen,” I forced myself to fight back the laughter I felt was about to come out. It wasn’t because I was mocking him. It was because I loved how everything had been going at that moment. Like a surprise present being offered to me while it was being unwrapped before me. I already knew what was inside, after all I was the one who wrapped it nicely. And for the sake of adrenaline, I let someone think it was a surprise to unveil what I already had planted inside.
“All that effort I did, those times I made sure Runa would agree to whatever nonsense you desired?” I pushed further. “And for what? Just for you to run away? Tails between your legs, crying over—”
“Shut up!” Takeda roared in anger, his face combining grief and pain. Yet he remained composed.
But soon enough, that composure would crumble before me. Soon enough, I would witness how this gift would unbox itself in front of me. I took a step back in surprise. But it was only just a tiny bit of crack within my perfectly crafted scenario. And it was about time to savor its perfection.
Be angry, Takeda. Show your true self. You were once a delinquent, right? Come, show that wild side to me. And once you do, no one will ever trust whatever you say after.
So do it!
“I’ve been prepared,” Takeda declared.
Do it, Takeda!
“And it was my fault in the first place,” he continued.
Huh? What was he talking about?
“I knew that Miyase-san already likes someone,” he continued.
You shouldn't, Takeda. Were you not a wild animal from before? Why were you acting like you were already tamed?
“I didn’t run away because I gave up liking her,” Takeda’s eyes were filled with genuine sincerity. No anger, no lingering hate toward the girl he was softly talking about. His voice was just filled with pure earnestness. “I walked away because I didn’t want to burden her any further.”
Then my thoughts spiraled into another puzzle. Takeda was supposed to be a wild animal. And a wild animal was supposed to stay wild. I had seen the likes of him. Someone who promised he would change, but in the end would break that promise into pieces and leave with rubble of hate.
Yet this boy in front of me. He was completely domesticated. Once he got rejected, then he worked himself to becoming better. And even after getting rejected for a second time, he would endure the pain. Still had thoughts about the girl he likes. Still cared about her. Still treasured her like she was a piece of a gem, fragile and precious.
Runa was able to polish a rock into becoming a diamond. Yet she threw it all away. For someone she thought had a better value than this one.
How much more selfish could she become?
And frankly speaking, I thought Takeda would be a much better fit for her. And yet, she dared to lay eyes on someone whom I had already laid my eyes on first.
I tried to make it simple for all of us. But Kaitou was stupid. And Takeda was too much of a martyr. If I let this all continue, then I would be the one who would end up left breathing dust.
I could not allow it.
Never…
I sighed in front of Takeda. The kind of sigh that completely took off my other persona. My smile turned into a grimace. My eyes glared at his patheticness. I would have liked it better if Takeda continued to dance around for me. But, it didn’t matter. I still was able to anticipate it after all. It was just that the next step was something I didn’t prefer.
“So?” I grumbled. Takeda was finally able to see up front the way I usually was, but he didn’t show any kind of surprise or any hint of puzzlement. He merely stood there looking at my eyes, expectant of something he wasn’t really even sure about. “Since you already gave up. And as a favor for all the things I’ve done for you, I’d expect you’d return the favor,” I continued.
Takeda thought about it for a second, but seemingly never found anything wrong with my logic. He faced me, determined as he always was.
“Tell me,” he said.
“I want you to help me get close with someone,” I commanded. I made sure my voice didn’t make it sound like it was some kind of a request. No. This was me collecting the debt that he generously accepted and wasted.
“That weird transfer student, right?” he replied.
I wasn’t expecting him to know who I meant. But that didn’t matter. What mattered was for him to accept.
“I refuse,” Takeda continued.
The nerve…
“Why? I gave you lots of opportunity to be close with Runa,” I refuted. But he only responded to my rebuttal by looking away.
“It’s not like I don’t want to help you,” he excused. “It’s just the guy is terrifying, you know…”
Huh? A wild animal scared of someone that was wearing armor? That was another thing I didn’t expect. Why would he be scared of him?
“Are you kidding me?” I uttered in confusion. “You’re scared of Re-Kuroiwa-san?”
“I know you always looked at him during class,” Takeda said. “But that’s you, the rumor says he has a connection to the Yakuza.”
“That’s not true,” I pointed out. Not even acknowledging that he knew that I was looking at Rei, I guess he would know since his seat was beside mine.
“Mika-san said the same thing,” Takeda responded. “But rumors like that don’t appear out of nowhere, you know.”
I sighed. And tried to be more patient.
“I assure you, he’s not,” I continued to correct his wrong assumptions. Of course I would know Rei wasn’t a part of any Yakuza. “Stop being silly and just—”
“Can you just ask for something else instead?” Takeda cut me off.
But I wasn’t going to let it go. If he didn’t agree, then I had another offer left.
“No,” I said. “But fine, for the payment of me helping you with Runa, I would instead ask you to not tell anyone about how I really am.”
“Done.”
“But I have an offer to make, surely this one would carry the same risk to me as the one you imagined you would face if you helped me with Kuroiwa-san.”
Takeda blinked. He still wasn’t looking convinced. And even without hearing a single word of my offer, he started to walk to leave.
“I already accepted your conditions,” he said. “I have no obligation to hear whatever you’re trying to plot.”
Soon after, he had his back turned toward me. But I remained composed. Even with all the setbacks that happened earlier. For what I was going to say, I had the utmost confidence that he would turn around and listen.
“Aren’t you worried about the finals exam?” I asked.
And sure enough he stopped. Takeda still wasn’t turning around, but at least now I had made him willing to listen.
“I know for sure the next match you’ll have this weekend will be easy for you,” I continued. “But even if you won and qualified to the Inter High this summer, how will you be able to play if you fail the exam?”
Takeda turned around. And dropped his gaze toward the ground. He had his fist clenched, fighting what I suspected was his urge to refuse me. But it was too late.
Takeda, dance for me again…
“I can help you with that, you know. I can help you study.” I smirked.
“Are you really that desperate to become close to that weird transfer student?” Takeda grumbled. But whatever, this would be the last defiance I know I would get from him anyway. So I let him talk. “Why don't you just give up on him already,” he continued.
And what annoying words did he choose as his last argument? But I was quite curious as to why he would think that? Did he think I couldn’t compete with Runa or with Mika?
“Why do you think so?” I asked, hiding the mild annoyance from my voice. So that he would still think that he had hope to walk away.
“It’s been months.” Takeda forced a grin, trying to take control of whatever it was he was clinging on to. “And all you did was look at him.”
…I froze. What he said cut through me deeper than I expected. My hands tightened at my sides and I gritted my teeth. Then I bit my lip to not let my composure go. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to let him know that he did the same thing with Runa. He was not better than me. Just because he took a step forward and tried didn’t mean he was better than me. Every opportunity he had came from me after all. He should just accept my offer and bow before me. Like the obedient little servant I wanted him to be.
“I understand though,” he continued, still grinning like thoughts of him winning were real. “I did the same with Miyase-san.”
I took another deep breath, closed my eyes before opening them again to glare at him even sharper.
“What are you going to do then?” I taunted him. “Katou-kun is gone, he’s not around to help you study anymore.”
“I still have Yuuta,” he answered. But…
“Yuuta is average,” I countered. “He has a good reputation, but studying is not one of them. I doubt he can even teach you anything if he himself is struggling.”
“Then… Mika-san…”
“I saw how she taught Runa,” I continued. “It wasn’t very effective, and I don’t think it would be if she taught you.”
“Ugh…” Was all that he managed to say next.
I smiled. Of course, no matter how hard he would try, he had no chance to escape anymore.
“I, on the other hand, learned how Kuroiwa-san taught Runa,” I said. “And you saw the results yourself.”
Takeda remained silent. But he kept his eyes on me. Although still defiant, yet I can already imagine a tail already wagging behind him for me.
“I also saw and copied the way he made his notes.” I kept pushing. “That even with the likes of Runa—”
“Don’t insult her.”
“Geez, I’m not. I’m just giving you an example.” I grumbled, annoyed by his still unwavering loyalty to Runa. “I’m just saying that his notes are easy to read, and I made my notes the same.”
“D-does it have to be talking with him,” he hesitated, talking about Rei.
“Of course,” I nodded. “Do you know how much effort I need to make just so I can create materials for you to understand? And, there’s only just two weeks left until the finals,” I added, just so he could feel the pressure more.
I stared at Takeda’s eyes, even though he went back to lowering his head toward the ground, before he managed to answer. I saw the glimpse of his defiance completely fade away. This little puppet already had my strings tied on all his limbs.
I fought the urge to smile. I fought the urge to celebrate. While he sat there silently contemplating the inevitable. I bit my lip to prevent myself from laughing.
“Fine.”
And with just that one word he said.
I already won.
Dance for me, my little puppet. Let me hold the strings tied around you. And all you had to do was listen.
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was the one who left first afterwards and abandoned him, completely frozen and under my authority. He was an odd one. I thought making him do whatever I wanted was easy, but he made me go through many plans until he broke.
But of course, he would. I never intended to let him go just like that anyway. I always had another plan if one of them failed.
After that moment.
I went inside the gym and finally participated in practice. I had my gym clothes on, which I changed into at the nearby infirmary, where we girls were supposed to put on proper gym attire. There were still about thirty minutes left before other classes took over the gym, but it was enough for our class to practice well.
But…
‘Well’ wasn’t the result I was seeking. I wanted more, I wanted us to be perfect by the time the tournament started. There were only two days left. And the only way we could practice would be this morning, this afternoon and tomorrow afternoon. After that, we wouldn’t have any more chances.
Yet…
The one among the girls in our class who understood that the most, and who was participating in volleyball, was the one who was making things more complicated. Everyone seemed to agree to follow my command without me initiating the idea. But here comes Mika. When I tried to tell her to do something, she would do the opposite instead. And sometimes, she would just completely ignore me and do something else.
Mika’s role on our team was the most important one. She was the center of our offense. One thing she did well was jump high, reaching above the net, even though she was one of the shortest among us. Everyone in class can attest to her athleticism. And she was very competitive too.
That’s why…
It made me wonder, how could the only person I knew who took this tournament as seriously as I did be the one trying to ruin our chances to win? Was this supposed to relate to her decision to become rivals with Runa and leave our friend group to join a new one?
But it was strange…
She was talking with Yui and Runa normally when I saw them as I entered the gym. Why did she suddenly put up some distance between me and her?
No matter how much I thought about it. The more it stopped making any sense. And the more it became too much of a puzzle to solve, the more I got annoyed.
I didn’t like it when I didn’t know what was going on.
I had to be the one to always have the leverage of knowing what was going on. Otherwise, everything that I had planned throughout the day would be ruined.
So, I decided to settle this before everything could tragically turn our tournament goals into an early exit. As far as I know, I never did anything to her.
But maybe Takeda told her about me manipulating Runa’s decision to give him a chance? Maybe… At first, I thought Takeda was probably not that kind of guy. But, I still had doubts lingering in me about him. If there was a reason, that would definitely be what it would be.
And if that was the case. Then maybe it was easier to fix all this mess than I thought.
After the practice, everyone immediately vacated the gym. And the girls and boys from other classes started to replace us.
And as the bustle of rushing out of the gym filled the atmosphere. I took the chance to approach Mika before her two flashy new friends got to her.
“Can I talk to you for a second?” I asked her. But she didn’t even look at me. I felt offended by that. I mean, just a few weeks ago we were both walking to school together. And now she chose to ignore me? And only me?
“Look,” I continued, my eyes twitched but I maintained the smile I always had. “You know, we’re not going to win if you’re going to act like this,” I explained.
“I have nothing to talk to you about,” Mika replied, still refusing to face me.
“Can you at least tell me why then?” I asked instead. While fighting the urge to raise an eyebrow.
“About what?” Mika answered with a sassy tone, pretending to be busy putting her stuff on her gym bag. Even though all she did was check each towel back and forth deliberately slow, just so what? To make me more annoyed and walk away?
I took a deep breath. “About why you’re ignoring me.”
And with that, Mika finally turned around toward me. But her eyes glared at me and her face grimaced as if she was fighting anger and pain all at the same time.
“It was you, wasn’t it?” she asked.
But I had no idea what she meant. I waited for her to continue.
“You were the one who spread those rumors about Kuro-kun,” Mika continued.
And all I could do at that moment was stare at her, eyes wide open and breath stolen by what she said. Words didn’t form inside my thoughts. And my jaw started to drop on its own.
What could I even say to her?
How could I even deny her?
But most importantly…
How did she know!?