Author's Preface
Saturday. Morning. Runa’s Room.
“So? What are you going to wear tomorrow?” Yui asked across the study table. She leaned forward and propped her hands below her chin and settled her elbows on the table. She was smiling and humming some happy tunes, but her eyes held a hint of impatience. And I also noticed behind her that she was swinging her feet like an excited little puppy following the rhythm of her tilting her head from side to side.
“We’re here to study,” I replied with a little hint of annoyance in my voice. I had invited her along with Hina over to my room so we could study. Since Rei had been missing for a week and the 1st term finals were around the corner, I needed help with the materials I was struggling with.
“Come on!” Yui protested, leaning back with her hands on the floor to support her. “Shouldn’t you at least be thinking about it? You know, since you’re going on a date with Takeda-kun.”
“It isn’t a date, we’re just going to watch a movie together,” I answered, still trying to focus on my notes.
“Wouldn’t that still count as a date?” Hina sitting at the side of the table calmly challenged my claim. And that made me raise an eyebrow.
“You’re the one who said it was just watching movies,” I countered, pretending to have my eyes still glued to my notebook. But I tried to sneak a glance at her to judge her reactions.
Because…
It was starting to become skeptical of her. Hina, of all people, tried to pressure me into doing something I never consented to from the beginning. Although it was something that had happened several times before. But ever since Mika confronted us at the rooftop two weeks ago, Hina had been even more aggressive in doing so.
In the first place, Hina also tried to deny the possibility of me l-liking Rei. I mean, at the start of all of this; when Yui had always teased me about him, Hina wouldn’t hesitate to say no and reject the idea from Yui. I thought she was just being like Mika, who was cautious at first. But with how Hina had been acting recently, I had started to have my doubts. And I began to think that maybe she was never cautious nor being protective of me.
But I really didn’t understand why…
Hina was the one who brought Rei to me…
So why was she pushing me away from him but not with Takeda?
“Yes,” Hina replied.
I couldn’t find anything suspicious from her face. But I found that her smile was kind of ominous. Maybe because I was already having doubts about her. Though, in fairness, I was beginning to doubt everything about her recently.
“But I never said it wasn’t a date,” Hina continued.
“You’re alone in this, Runa!” Yui yelled, raising a hand and a moment after she raised her other hand and launched into waving them in the air, hungry for my eyes’ gazes. “So spill the beans! Just tell us what you’re going to wear.” She slammed the table from excitement, leaned forward and knelt so she could come closer. “I promise I won’t judge,” she grinned very mischievously.
“It’s none of your business,” I responded with a sigh, letting out my frustrations. “Can’t we just study instead? That’s what we came here for—”
“It’s my business!” Yui interrupted me when she suddenly stood up.
It took me by surprise, and it made my eyes feel the need to turn away from my notes and carefully watch her, wary of the things she might do. She frowned at me like I had said something to offend her. Then slowly she walked over to where I sat and knelt before me.
“Let’s browse your stuff immediately!” Yui demanded with a very deceptive smile.
“No,” I resisted. “I can choose what to wear on my own,” I continued while meeting her smile with my own frown.
“Aww,” Yui muttered in disappointment. “Can I at least pick the colors?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because I said so.”
“Pretty please?”
I closed my eyes and lowered my head. I didn’t want to surrender my stance, but Yui just wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. I turned my stare toward Hina for help, but she wasn’t paying attention. Or maybe she was just pretending not to.
I exhaled in defeat.
“Fine,” I muttered reluctantly.
“Yay!” Yui jumped for joy and then stood up.
But my arms already grabbed her without me even having to think of it. As if they knew what she was going to do when Yui faced my closet after standing up. “You’re not allowed to go through my closet!” I yelled desperately.
“Let… me… go!” Yui struggled pulling herself from my arms, but in the end she wasn’t able to take even one step and so she turned around to me, intending to beg a little more.
“No!” I maintained my stance firmly before she could even say a word.
Yui’s attempt at making puppy-dog eyes faded away into a pout and dissatisfaction. She begrudgingly sat beside me and crossed her arms. When she did, I loosened my arms around her and let her go. She had been so used to me saying ‘yes’ whenever she turned her eyes to me like that. But this time I wouldn’t tolerate it; there was no way I would actually want her to go through my closet. Not after she had borrowed some of my stuff and never returned them!
“Stingy,” she complained.
I didn’t bother to react; she could say whatever she wanted. But all I really wanted to do was study. And all Yui had done so far was to distract me. It was kind of annoying. Especially since I had to exert three times the effort just to end up with the same scores as Yui when she wasn’t even trying.
I took a quick glare at her and a quick recovery to pretend I didn’t.
Sigh…
…
…Maybe we should take a quick break.
I stood up and walked toward the door. And I felt Yui’s stare follow me when I did.
“Runa? Where are you going?” she asked curiously.
“I just thought we needed a quick break. So I’m going to get some snacks.”
“Oh! What snacks?”
“That’s a secret,” I said, sticking my tongue a little to her before I closed the door.
And as soon as I did, I immediately heard Yui bringing up something to talk about, bothering Hina. I giggled a bit when I heard Hina’s unenthusiastic replies while Yui kept yapping like there was no tomorrow. Hina always took studying seriously, and Yui never tried to bother her. Well, that was if Mika or I was there for Yui to pester. Otherwise, Hina would be the one to catch all of Yui’s attention. It was a mystery though that Hina never complained to Yui about it.
I wonder why…
Even during that time, at school, when both of them got heated up, Hina never really confronted or argued with Yui heavily. It was more like all her words were targeted at me. Well, at least, that was how I felt it was.
…
…
Anyway, I guess I should get going. Yui would definitely complain to me later if I came back late with those snacks.
I walked carefully in the hallway down to the living room and immediately proceeded toward the kitchen. Mom and Ruri went out to buy groceries and ingredients for lunch. That meant I had complete reign in the kitchen. Whatever I could get I would bring back to my room, without anyone reminding me not to take too much so lunch wouldn’t be spoiled.
I opened the fridge first. And my eyes immediately focused on the three slices of cake that Mom bought yesterday. She said they were for dessert later tonight. But… Hmm…
I closed the fridge and immediately took my phone out of my pocket and messaged Mom. I asked permission to have the cakes for snacks while Yui, Hina, and I were studying.
I waited…
My feet stepped back until I hit the kitchen counter behind me. I leaned back against it to relax while I was staring at my phone’s screen for Mom’s verdict. But what if she said no? Then I guess I would have to settle by bringing them some potato chips from the pantry. Maybe some orange juice from the fridge as well.
Alright, that looked like a plan.
My phone buzzed, alerting me to Mom’s reply. And I immediately smiled when she said ‘ok’, but my smile turned into a pout when she sent another message, telling me that she would buy two more cakes instead, but only for her and Ruri. I wanted to complain…
But I guess that was fair.
I let out a sigh, then swiftly composed myself.
Positive thoughts; at least I get to eat cake now. Just not after dinner.
I placed my phone over the counter and began my journey to look for tableware for the cakes. So I turned toward the kitchen cabinet; maybe trying to find and use the ones that Mom always set aside for special occasions. It wouldn’t hurt if I sought to present my hospitality to my friends as fancy as our household could, right?
But what do I need? I wondered while staring at the tableware available from the kitchen cabinet. And I listed them inside my thoughts. Those cute forks below the plate stand could work. They were neatly separated from the ordinary forks that we usually used daily. I opened the cabinet and immediately grabbed three. There were about five.
Next should be some saucers for the cakes. I looked around, tiptoeing in place as excitement built up in me. I smiled when I finally saw some porcelain saucers with a little floral motif that I always wanted to imagine were hand-painted by some artist. They were gifts that were given to Mom during her birthday three years ago. And she had been letting us use them sparingly ever since she got them. Even when Dad had not gone overseas yet and asked to use these saucers, Mom would just scowl at him. And she rarely refused Dad.
But… It wouldn’t take that long for us to use them…
We would be very careful handling these…
Surely… nothing was going to happen to them. Nothing at all.
I winced. Goosebumps appeared on my arms when I thought about Mom's wrath if she found out I used them…
But… hospitality…
I closed my eyes. And when I opened them, my thoughts had already made a decision.
Mom wouldn’t know… If I placed them back before Ruri and her came home, she would never find out.
The problem was…
They were located on the top shelf.
I turned around and walked toward the dining area. I grabbed one of the chairs and casually lifted it.
“Hnnnngh!”
What the hell!? These chairs were heavier than they looked! I could lift this particular one, but I was having a hard time. I put it back down; I wasn’t ready when I first tried to carry it.
That definitely wasn’t an excuse…
There was no way a ladderback chair would defeat me. But if I remembered correctly, Mom was always saying they were made from mahogany. I wonder if that relates to why they were heavier than I thought.
Anyway…
I steeled myself for the task ahead and took a deep breath. I pulled back imaginary sleeves from my arms and grabbed the chair again.
I lifted it.
It was still heavy.
But now that I knew what to expect, it turned out not to be that bad.
I carefully walked back in front of the kitchen cabinet and gently placed the chair where I wanted it to be. Directly where the saucers should be.
One of my feet was too eager to mount the chair. Out of excitement, yes, but I shouldn’t have let excitement dictate my whole body. As soon as I placed that foot on top of the chair and lifted myself for my other foot to stand on it, I wobbled.
My hands immediately grabbed a shelf inside the cabinet in an attempt to save myself. It was a mistake. I didn’t fall, I didn’t stumble. I was able to fix my balance quickly, but the force I had to use caused the shelves to shake.
Nothing fell off, but…
I slowly turned my gaze to inspect the disaster that I may or may not have caused. I closed my eyes when I was about to see.
Breathe, Runa… I told myself, and so I responded by taking a deep breath.
I took a peek. One eye still closed and one eye slightly open.
Then I sighed out relief when everything seemed to still be in place. I double-checked with wide-open eyes this time to be sure. Yep, everything is fine except some of the forks are misaligned slightly. So I fixed them. I wouldn’t want Mom to get suspicious of me.
I climbed the chair… carefully this time, and I managed. But what happened earlier took away some of the courage I had when I made the bold decision to use the porcelain saucers Mom had deemed so precious that it might cost me my life if she found out I used them. My hands trembled. But I still slowly reached for them.
I grabbed one. And then another. Placed them both securely in my hands. And to prevent any unfortunate accidents, I climbed down the chair… meticulously, measuredly, and deliberately.
Safe…
I managed… somehow…
I immediately placed both the saucers I had now on top of the counter. I stared at them. They were not moving. Good. They shouldn’t be. They should just stay there and relax.
I took another breath, turned around, and climbed the chair again.
There was only one saucer left, and I reached for it and grabbed it. Climbed down the chair the same way I did and placed it on the kitchen counter with the rest.
Perfect.
About the chair though. I thought of leaving it where it was for now. I would be needing it later, and I doubt any of us here would be needing the kitchen anyway.
Okay, now for the cups. I looked around the cabinet. The china ones were placed where the saucers were.
So I decided to just serve my friends orange juice rather than tea. Although tea would have been perfect and I wouldn’t mind boiling water for them, I just wouldn’t want to make another risky attempt just to be fancy.
The saucers and the cute forks should be enough.
I looked for a tray; they were placed by the end of the kitchen counter where the daily tableware we always used was. I grabbed one and took three glasses after. I took some paper towels placed beside the sink and wiped the porcelain saucers with them.
Carefully… Gently…
Then I placed them on top of the tray.
Phew.
That should be enough. I already had what I needed.
I opened the fridge one more time and I hummed the same tune that Yui was humming earlier. My hands greedily grabbed one of the cakes, the cheesecake, and transferred it to the porcelain saucer. I placed a fork beside the cake.
On the saucer, the cheesecake and the silver fork rested side by side, looking like a picture-perfect pastry display.
I smiled.
Perfect. It looks cute. This one should be for Yui.
I skipped excitedly to get the last one: the strawberry shortcake, which my eyes sparkled for when they caught a glimpse of it. I placed it the same way I did with Yui’s cheesecake.
And there, after filling the glasses with orange juice and arranging them to fit on the tray, I felt that I was ready to go back to my room.
The thought of the strawberry shortcake melting in my mind made me a little giddy. I took the tray. But I needed to calm myself first before lifting it. Carrying the tray while I was too excited would be a mistake.
When I finally calmed down, I gently lifted the tray and walked unhurriedly out of the kitchen, toward the living room, toward the stairs. Every step meticulous, every breath deliberate. And then I found myself in front of my room.
With another predicament at hand…
I could hear Yui and Hina talking at that time, but I was more focused on trying to figure out how to open the door in front of me… How should I grab the knob? How should I knock to ask for help from the people inside?
I sighed…
But then…
“So why are you being too pushy about Runa’s love life all of a sudden?” I heard Yui say.
I stopped trying to solve the problem I was having; instead, I began to listen.
“Nothing…” Hina replied to Yui with a bit of an uncaring sound to her voice.
“That’s definitely a lie,” Yui insisted. “You were the one who made Runa give Takeda-kun a chance, and you also pushed Runa to go on a date with him tomorrow.”
“Didn’t you do the same yesterday?”
“I did, but for a different reason.”
“How?”
…
“Kuroiwa-san,” Yui took a moment to answer, but a longer moment lingered between them after.
I waited, patiently and quietly facing the unopened door before me.
“Maybe,” Hina said. “I have the same reason.”
“Huh? What do you mean?” I could hear the confusion in Yui’s voice. I had the same reaction.
“I meant what I meant,” Hina answered.
And I frowned. I was ready to kick the door or something and have Yui open it for me and force Hina to answer properly. But before I could do so, I heard a slam from the table inside.
“You’re not seriously thinking I would accept that answer, right!?” Yui roared. “To me, it looked like you were trying to toy with Runa. How could you do that to her?”
“I was not.”
“Then what are you trying to do? Why are you doing this?”
…
The heavy air inside my room leaked out from my door. I caught my mouth hanging wide while I was anticipating Hina’s answer. I closed it and finally breathed through my nose when I had been holding my breath for who knows how long now.
And I started to worry.
“I just thought…” Hina paused. “...that Runa doesn’t deserve Kuroiwa-san.”
What?
“What!?” Exactly, Yui! “You thought? It doesn’t make sense, you’re the one who helped them to meet.”
Exactly, Yui!
“What do you mean by that then? If not her, then who? Mika? Are you on Mika’s side on this one?” Yui continued.
I stood still. A part of me was saying to barge in. That I should be the one asking those questions. But I waited…
I couldn’t do anything after all.
My hands were holding the tray with Mom’s precious porcelain saucers, so I had to prioritize them first.
I… No… that was an excuse… I was just scared…
“I was never on Mika’s side,” Hina explained.
“Then if not Mika or Runa, who do you think deserves Kuroiwa?” Yui asked.
I tightened my grip on the tray, and I could feel it shaking along with my hands.
“Do you think…” Yui continued when Hina didn’t answer. “You?”
I held my breath for another moment.
And I held it long while Hina wasn’t answering…
“Maybe.”
I kicked the door.
“Yui!” I yelled. “Can you please open the door for me? I just came back, and I’m holding a lot.”
“Oh, the snack lady is here!” I could only imagine Yui jumping up from her seat in excitement. “Coming!”
But what should I do when she opens the door?
“Oh wow, cakes!” Yui’s eyes sparkled when she saw what I brought. I, on the other hand, searched for Hina. She was already looking at me when I finally saw her. She gave me a curious look at first, but soon after, she grinned. And quickly masked that grin with the same smile she always wore.
I walked toward where I sat last time.
What should I do?
I didn’t know…
So I ended up pretending I never heard anything for the rest of the day…
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday. Morning. In front of the Station.
I couldn’t really sleep last night. What I heard Hina say kept repeating over and over inside my mind. What did she mean by that? That I didn’t deserve Rei? What was she hiding? And why did she say—
I shook my head.
I shouldn’t be thinking about this now. But the heaviness in my chest kept on pulling the positivity inside me down, and it was making it hard for me to think straight. I didn’t even give too much thought to what I should wear for today. I realized that it was rude for me to act like I didn’t care about Takeda’s effort.
But I just couldn’t bring out any genuine care right now.
Not when my thoughts were filled with what Hina said… Not when those words transformed into fear of losing Rei… Not when I started longing for him… Not when I wanted to see him…
I’m sorry, Takeda-kun, I thought.
Because right now, I wasn’t thinking about dates or watching a movie. I was more focused on the hope that maybe, maybe I would be able to see Rei walking around town randomly.
But what would I do if he was? What would I do if he saw me and Takeda together?
I checked on my outfit instead to prevent myself from answering those terrifying questions. I wore a simple, frilly one-piece dress with floral patterns. I wore the usual heeled sandals I had last time.
I wondered if they matched, and a part of me was regretting that maybe I really should have thought about what to wear after all.
“Miyase-san!” Takeda’s voice echoed from the train station entrance a few meters away from where I stood to wait for him.
I didn’t have his contacts, but Yui did. So I had Yui ask Takeda where we should meet today. And he only said that I should wait for him just outside the train station.
I could see his bright, spirited smile as he excitedly waved his hands at me. I tried to smile back at him, but I couldn’t make a proper one. The effort wasn’t there. Just a simple smile, and I was already questioning myself why I couldn’t make one.
Why did I even come here?
“Did you wait long?” Takeda asked when he finally approached me.
I only shook my head slightly.
When Takeda was able to properly see me up close, I saw his jaw drop and he immediately turned his face away, pretending it didn’t happen.
“Uhh… Y-you look really cute with that dress…” he said, stuttering slightly.
“Thanks,” I replied.
…
That was it. That was really it.
There was no blushing or flustering this time from me. No getting embarrassed or having my thoughts disorganized. I did appreciate the compliment. I did hear what he said. But there was just another set of emotions that were brewing inside of me, anchoring their place, and they pushed away every other possible emotion that I might feel.
His words weren’t hollow; they were not empty. They were just too shallow that they couldn’t reach deeper inside me.
“Sh-shall we go?” Takeda continued as he still couldn’t help but stumble over his words. He waited for me to walk before he did, making sure that we were both beside each other while we walked.
I noticed it the last time too. How he was trying to match my pace. His long legs could definitely overtake me in just a few steps. But he was slowing down for me. But I…
I didn’t want to say it… But I just didn’t want to pay any attention to him today.
We continued to walk for a few more minutes. Takeda opened up things to talk about. I responded casually, trying my best to feel normal, but I wasn’t really engaging the same way I did last time. It wasn’t his presence that I was yearning for at that moment. It wasn’t his words that my mind wanted to hear.
It was…
As we took a turn around the corner, my eyes widened when I caught sight of a familiar silhouette a short distance ahead of me.
Tall with messy hair. A simple shirt and simple pants. Lean arms and poised composure while walking. Careful and unhurried, sure of every step he took. Even with his back turned toward me, I knew. I knew who it was!
“Rei!” My voice thundered across the crowded street.
Ahead of me, toward the person I had finally seen. Toward the person I had been wondering where he had gone to. And he was here. Just a few meters before me. And I didn’t even think it was possible. But he did appear. He did!
Before I could even realize what I was doing, my body responded to what my heart was feeling.
“Miyase-san!” Takeda yelled my name.
I heard concern in his voice. But I didn’t care. I only ran.
My heart fluttered, hammering my chest and swelling inside like it was about to burst. But I didn’t care.
My feet stumbled, struggling for balance and panicking from the sudden burst of longing I wanted to quench. But I didn’t care.
My breath emptied, seizing my lungs and suffocating like it was starving for air. But I still didn’t care.
Even when I felt tears start flowing down my cheeks, all I cared about was the one I was running to.
And after just a moment, after he was finally within my reach, I didn’t hesitate, and I grabbed his shirt with both hands, holding onto it, fearing that he might run away if I didn’t.
I didn’t let go. I didn’t want to let go.
It had been more than a week since the last time I saw him. And even when my fingers trembled, they carried the same unyielding stubbornness to never let him go.
I turned my face up.
“Rei,” I called him softly.
And my heart skipped as I watched him slowly turn toward me.