Chapter 26: Answers

Saturday. Morning. Local Town Gymnasium.

“I have a great idea!” Yui said yesterday.

That day, she had agonizingly watched me deflate myself into a non-responding doll made of empty husks that was only interested in unraveling the stupidity I made the night before. Every time there was a break, my head, my arms, and my whole body automatically wore down their weight on top of my desk, eyes looking toward the empty seat. I wasn’t telling her anything. I couldn’t. Since something inside my chest already decided to seal my mouth shut the rest of the day.

And Yui’s ‘great idea’ was to ‘distract myself with whatever was taking my life force away’—quoted directly from her mouth—and accept Takeda’s invitation to watch his basketball match.

And so, we found ourselves sitting on the bleachers. On the fixed balcony of our local gymnasium.

Below, two teams were running up and down, chasing one ball just so they could throw it inside one of the baskets standing at each end of the wooden court. At the side of the court, I could see where the benches were. The players who sat there were either watching carefully, nervously, or eager to be called for their turn. Takeda was not among them. He was one of the players who was on the court. And he had been running for almost ten minutes now without a break since we arrived.

He sometimes looked toward us. And every time he did, I would look away.

“Don’t you think I found us great seats!?” Yui proudly asked. Then the people around us cheered, and so she did as well, standing up and waving both her arms in the air like she won some kind of prize.

Yui sat down as soon as the cheering stopped.

“You know…” I grinned. “...you’ve been cheering for the other team this whole time, right?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?” Yui stared at me, wonder filling her eyes and panic suppressed by her lips.

So I explained, “Whenever the score goes up for the other team, the people on our side cheer.”

Yui’s eyes widened.

“Please… tell me you’re just messing with me!” She leaned toward me and pulled my shoulders closer with her arms. “Pleeeeeeaaaaasssseeeee!” she begged.

“I’m sorry, Yui. But I wasn’t,” I smiled mischievously.

Yui’s face turned white. Her body tightened as she slowly turned toward the court, sat on her seat, and curled up into a ball. “No…” she whispered as her eyes lost the life she had been cheerfully presenting since this morning. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, with her voice transforming into a breathless speech.

I giggled to myself, but a sigh took over it immediately. I glanced toward the crowd, and I finally consumed the atmosphere of the whole event. The loud cheers from both sides, the sound of the ball hitting the floor with every bounce, the constant whistles from the referee, and the disappointed moans of the more serious audience whenever the referee gave their players a penalty. All of which… I never understood.

I knew the match was important. I was just not too keen on comprehending why.

…The basketball match wasn’t the reason I went out today.

…It was just an excuse.

…And he had not replied or even seen my messages to him since that night.

“Let’s just leave,” Yui suggested and pressed her knees closer to her face. I was assuming she was trying to hide her embarrassment. Well, I would have done the same if I was in her situation. Good thing I came here prepared to be not interested at all. Otherwise, if I had faked enthusiasm, I would have ended up the same as her.

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked, pretending I didn't feel any sympathy for her.

“What do you mean!?” she retaliated with a question, almost yelling. “I was pouring out my heart and soul cheering, only to find out after that I wasn’t cheering for the right team,” Yui continued with her voice growing dimmer with every word she spoke.

She sighed.

“This was actually a really bad idea,” Yui said, surrendering herself inside the shell she created. And you almost couldn’t see her face anymore because of how her arms and legs covered it.

I would have agreed for us to leave immediately, but Takeda had already seen us. And it would be really awkward if we suddenly disappeared in the middle of a game.

But then again, he did say I didn’t need to stay and watch the whole thing…

But he had actually been staring at me whenever he had the chance…

…

I didn’t know what to do.

“U-umm.” I smiled awkwardly. “Maybe we should stay a bit longer?” I said. I was trying to make it into a suggestion, but the intonation of my voice went up by the end, so my supposed suggestion started sounding like I was seeking approval instead.

“Ugh,” Yui groaned. “You just wanted to see me suffer more,” she grumbled.

“That’s not true,” I replied, trying to console her. “I mean, Takeda-kun has already seen us. So I thought—”

“What?” Yui asked flatly, raised her head, and looked at me suspiciously. “Thanos is gone, so now you want Iron Man over there?” she said accusingly while her voice still had not found its way back to life.

“Huh? Thanos? Iron Man?”

“Yeah, the stone collector and the one trying to prevent it.”

“How are they related?” I genuinely had no idea what Yui meant.

Yui stared at me for a moment. She suddenly shrugged her shoulders, then placed her chin over her knees and continued watching the game. “Forget it then,” she said. “Although, I think Thanos already collected two stones. There may be a third, but I am not sure if that third is a possibility,” she continued rambling about references I had no idea about.

I took a moment to think.

“Are you talking about me and Mika?” I asked. “If so, who’s the third?”

Yui sighed. “Ahh, I genuinely feel bad for Iron Man right now. Seems like the stone he wanted to collect activated her jealousy powers.”

I frowned. “Hey, don’t speak in terms I don’t get. If you have something to say, just say it.”

Yui looked away and started grumbling even more. “I do not want to tell details to someone who hasn’t seen the movies,” she said begrudgingly. “Otherwise, they’ll be spoiled.”

This time, it was my turn to sigh. “Whatever,” I just replied. I knew what movies she was talking about. But I had not seen them yet. Maybe tonight I’ll search for them on the internet and find a place to watch them. Were they available on Netflix?

Both Yui and I started watching the game silently. Both teams were still running after the same ball. And I still couldn't get myself to be interested at all. After all, why would I if I didn’t understand anything that was happening? So I pursed my lips and distracted myself by staring at my toes while I lifted them up and down. I wore heeled sandals today, so I could clearly see every movement my toes made. The heels of my sandals weren’t that long—just enough for them to make my posture look nicer as I walked, but also enough to make said walk not too hard.

“Hey, Runa?” Yui finally called.

“Hmm?” I responded without looking.

“Let’s leave on their next break.”

“…Okay.”

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Outside the gymnasium.

The sharp, prolonged trill of the referee’s whistle occupied the whole gymnasium. Then the atmosphere transformed from excitement to a more calm and relaxed mood. Everyone around us started shifting, moving around, and exiting the building. I took that as a cue for us to do the same as I stood with Yui in unison. But I briefly wondered if the match was over. I took a quick glance over the court. There seemed to still be some players on the bench. I guess it wasn’t really over yet. Probably it was just a break like every other sport had in between matches.

Yui and I found ourselves sitting on a bench just outside the gymnasium afterward. There was still at least an hour and a half left before the usual lunch hours started, but when Yui saw an ice cream stand nearby, her deflated mood started glowing up again and she demanded we take a break and eat some ice cream.

What I didn’t understand was, why was I the one who had to pay for her share?

She called it fair.

I called it unfair.

“Here!” Yui cheerfully reached her hand, holding a cone of ice cream, toward me. Her smile was filled with life, and I could feel the anticipation building around her mouth. “Thanks, by the way!” she added.

“I don’t need your thanks, I did not consent to using my wallet for this,” I pouted while gently grabbing the ice cream from her hand.

“You’re a good friend,” she said.

I just closed my eyes.

“Anyway!” Yui excitedly yelled after sitting at the bench with me. She started taking a few tastes of the melting dessert wrapped in her hand. She showed and hummed delight with every lick. And I started to envy her reactions, so I did the same. “You sure did dress up really nice just to watch a basketball game,” she suddenly continued.

I coughed a little too violently as I was in the middle of biting a portion of the top of the soft cream when she asked me. I swallowed whatever I got in my mind so quickly that I almost choked.

“What?” I managed to ask.

“Black off-the-shoulder top, asymmetrical neckline, showing one of your shoulders. It’s fitted, too,” Yui said judgingly. “High-waisted shorts with a slim belt, and leather sandals with heels.” She looked me up and down.

And I felt like covering myself with how she was staring. But I was careful enough not to let the ice cream stain my clothes.

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” I asked defensively.

“Nothing… I mean, I thought you dressed up nice because of Takeda. But I could see how you wanted to leave as much as I did,” Yui replied like she had solved some kind of mystery.

“I-it’s none of your business,” I responded.

Yui sighed. “Poor Takeda,” she muttered as she continued to consume her ice cream. And soon after, the ice cream was gone.

I looked at mine. And I was just letting it melt and drip all over my hand. What did she even mean about what she said? Wasn’t Yui helping and supporting me with Rei? So why did she take me here? And why did I agree?

“Do you want more?” I asked and offered her my ice cream. When I turned around, I immediately saw her sticking her eyes to mine anyway. I didn’t want any more of it. I just lost the desire.

Yui nodded and immediately grabbed the ice cream from my hand. And she quickly ate it without any care in the world.

And I wished, at that moment, that I could be like her. That you could simply go on doing whatever you desired without the need of having your courage filled before doing anything. Without being worried of any scary consequences waiting for you in the future.

“Yui?” I called for her carefully. “What did you talk about with Hina?” I asked.

I almost completely forgot about what happened before I saw Rei and Mika. After all, everything just went blurry after lunch break. I remembered going back to the rooftop with Yui, and Hina greeted us with a smile when we arrived, as if everything that happened before were just a dream or an illusion. But I knew the scowl she gave me, the judgment in her eyes, were real. I felt it.

Yui slowly turned to face me. She immediately gobbled up the rest of the ice cream.

“Ahh! Brain freeze!” she complained from her recklessness. She placed both her hands over her head and started rubbing it.

“Are you okay?” I responded in concern.

But after she recovered, she crossed her arms and looked at me like nothing happened. She meticulously started her stare at my head, down to my toes, and went back up. Then, she carefully shifted an arm to place her hand beneath her chin. She pursed her lips and closed her eyes, tilting her head from side to side.

Unbelievable…

“Hmm,” she muttered. “I’ll tell you about it… but on one condition.”

“W-what condition?” I stuttered, a bit unprepared for her demands.

“Tell me, did something happen between you and Kuroiwa last night?” she opened her eyes and asked.

“Umm…” I hesitated, and then I started fiddling with my thumbs. But my curiosity about Hina overwhelmed me. And besides, maybe telling her wasn’t a bad idea. “Well, I kinda got angry at him.”

“Got angry!?” Yui’s eyes sparkled in surprise and intrigue. Maybe it was a bad idea to tell her after all. “Tell me more,” she insisted as she leaned closer.

The way I saw her stare clearer as she came near me made me a bit uncomfortable. I looked away and started contemplating if I really had to tell her.

“Come on!” Yui’s demand started sounding more persistent. “Don’t leave me hanging like this!”

“Well,” I sighed. “You know what happened when I saw him with Mika, right—?”

“Yes, yes. You were jealous and got bothered by that the whole day,” Yui interrupted and rushed me. “Continue.”

“Like you said, umm, I got jealous,” I admitted. “And it kinda came out in the middle of our conversation.”

“Mhm, mhm,” Yui nodded.

“And after that…”

“After that?”

“I told him that we should stop our study session,” I bit my lip after remembering the regret that overwhelmed me about what happened.

“Oh,” Yui leaned back a bit. “You messed up,” she said.

I covered my face with my hands immediately. “I know!” I muffled my reply.

“You messed up really bad!” Yui continued accusingly, and I felt myself shrink to where I sat, still not letting go of my hands.

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” I begged weakly as I muttered what I said. I felt a little sting from the corners of my eyes, but I endured them… for now.

“Is that why he was absent yesterday?”

“I-I hope not…” I answered her.

“Yikes,” Yui said before both of us settled into an awkward silence. But then, I felt her hands pull mine away to reveal my anguished face. And she looked at me with worry and concern while she pressed my hands with care and gentleness. “Why did you do that?” she asked softly.

“I—” I paused. “It’s because I was scared.”

“About Mika stealing Kuroiwa from you?” Yui tilted her head. “But that doesn’t make sense. Wouldn’t you pull him away from her instead if that was the case?”

I kept my mouth shut and slowly stared at her hands.

“Are you still…” Yui hesitated. She took a breath before continuing to ask. “...still thinking about what happened to Hina back in middle school?”

I nodded silently.

“I can’t blame you, though, Hina was a mess back then,” she continued. “We both saw her love someone so deeply and then get her heart broken just like that.”

“Yeah…” I replied, feeling a little jab inside my chest as I remembered how it was.

“Even I was traumatized, you know. I thought love sucks and all boys are liars ever since then,” Yui explained. “But in the end, I was able to overcome it. I thought you would be able to.”

I gazed upon Yui’s assured face and then I started to wonder, “How?”

Yui smiled with a bit of fondness mixed in. “That’s a secret,” she said.

I frowned. “That’s kinda unfair.”

“A secret is a secret,” she insisted, letting go of my hands so she could cross her arms to her chest. “I won’t tell you no matter what,” she stuck her tongue toward me.

“Wha—” I glared at her with suspicion. “Just tell me already!”

“No!”

“Come on!” I grabbed her cheeks and started rubbing them aggressively.

“Shtop!” Yui tried, but I was already enjoying myself making her face look funny. “I shwear!” Then her hands immediately pinched both sides of my face and started pulling my cheeks.

“Ow!” I complained, and in response, I rubbed her cheeks harder.

“Lstguoovmi,” she tried saying something incoherent. It made me laugh through the burn from my cheeks.

But then the pain started hurting more. I let go of her.

“Okay, let’s stop this now,” I said… I begged while I tried to make her fingers let go of me.

“No! You started earlier, just a few more seconds!” Yui grinned.

“Ow! Stop!”

“Fine,” Yui let go. “Ah, sweet taste of revenge,” she declared.

I was still busy rubbing the pain away from my cheeks when she pulled my face to look at her.

“You know, I think it’s better if you just give up on Kuroiwa,” she said.

“Huh?”

“I mean, I don’t think you’ll be able to overcome ‘that’ fear if you’re the one making the chase.”

“Wait a second. I thought you were trying to push me toward him?” I asked.

“I did,” Yui paused. “But you don’t even know how he feels.” She looked up for a second. “Scratch that,” she said, trying to correct herself. “With his face, you don’t even know what he’s thinking.”

“But—” I tried to reason with her. But I couldn’t find anything, not even an excuse.

“Don’t you think someone who wants you, and shows you that there was nothing to fear about, is better?”

“I don’t think so…” I said, looking the other way. But no matter how much I wanted to stop thinking about what she was saying, I always came to a question I wouldn’t want to ask.

What if… she was right?

My heart pounded hard once in protest. Yet the doubt lingered within its beats as well. I knew I didn’t want to give up. Not just yet. But maybe the uncertainty of it all wasn’t as exciting as I thought it would be.

“S-so,” I interrupted myself before I started dwelling on these thoughts all day. After all, becoming more confused was not my objective today. “I already told you what happened, so tell me about Hina,” I demanded instead.

“Nah, forget about her,” Yui said, facing the other way while she dangled both her feet up and down. “Whatever I tried or even will try, she will never admit anything.” She leaned forward and judged me with her eyes. “And you were there!”

“Haha,” an awkward laugh came out of me. “I wasn’t paying attention,” I said.

“Oh, well,” Yui merely shrugged. But then she whispered, “You can’t even tell me if you like him or not.” But I heard it.

I knew what she meant. I wasn’t paying attention to what was happening during that time, even though it was important. It was for the sake of our friendship. Yet my mind was filled with other things. Yet I couldn’t even admit how those other things mattered to me.

I let out a deep breath from the disappointment I felt for myself.

“Oh,” Yui said in surprise. “Look what we got here.” But that surprise turned to amusement quickly.

I looked at her, and the delight in her eyes started bothering me. So I turned in the direction she was staring at.

“Hey! Miyase-san!” Takeda waved his hand, running toward us.

I stood up instinctively.

“See, you got options,” Yui smirked beside me.

“I don’t need opt—”

And before I could finish what I had to say, Takeda suddenly appeared before us.

“Are you— gasp going— gasp —going home?” Takeda asked, disregarding the fact that he was completely out of breath rushing to where we were.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yep! I’m fine!” Takeda said and stood up straight, trying to show his toughness. “Anyway, are you going home now?”

“Umm.. no—I—uhh—y—yeah,” I gave a confusing answer.

“Which is it?” Yui nudged me.

I stared at Takeda, still smiling before me.

I sighed.

“Yeah, sorry we couldn’t watch the whole match,” I finally answered.

But the smile on his face grew wider; I thought he would be more disappointed.

“It’s fine,” he replied enthusiastically. “I didn’t even expect you to come,” he said. “But when I saw you in the bleachers earlier, I started to play even better.”

“Ah, well… umm… good for you then.” Huh? What was I saying?

“I really appreciate you coming today.” Takeda bowed and raised himself quickly to look me in my eyes. “It really meant the world to me seeing you today.” He paused for a bit and glanced toward Yui. “Even though Shirogane-san was cheering for the other team,” Takeda laughed loudly.

“Geh!” Yui flinched and hid her face behind me, feeling embarrassed. She took a moment, then peeked at him. “Minus ten points!” she declared and pointed at him.

“Ah!” Takeda shouted in surprise. He crouched and started carefully walking toward Yui while he clasped both his hands in front of his face and continuously bowed slightly when he was standing before her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to tease you,” he begged.

“Then…” Yui paused and glared at him. “I’ll only forgive you if you bring me curry on Monday!” she demanded.

Takeda stood up straight and saluted. “Yes, ma’am!” he yelled.

And I noticed everyone around us was walking quietly but giving us those judgmental looks of ‘you’re too loud’.

Both Yui and Takeda didn’t care. I would normally care, but at that moment I was swept away with a thought.

Meant the world to me.

I repeated what Takeda said in my head. Was he really serious? Why would someone just say that so casually? Like, wasn’t he afraid that maybe him revolving his own world around me would result in something painful?

Why?

I opened my mouth.

“Takeda-kun,” I called for him with caution. And I saw his eyes and his expressions become rigid and serious.

“Yes, Miyase-san?” he replied with conviction in his voice.

“What if—What if you saw me having lunch with some other guy…” I took a quick breath. “And you saw me having fun and enjoying myself with him.” I raised my head and stared at his eyes. “What would you do?” I asked without blinking.

Takeda’s jaw clenched for a second, but after a deep breath, he composed himself. “Do you…” he stopped for a second. “Do you like him?”

Yui was quiet behind me. But even without looking at her, I knew she was paying too much attention to my impulsiveness.

“What if I said, ‘I don’t know?’” I replied, still not looking away.

“I would feel hurt, of course,” Takeda said, dropping his gaze down for a moment. But determination burned in his eyes when he stared at me. “But until you’re certain, I won’t give up.”

“Why? Aren’t you afraid of feeling more pain? You said you’ll be hurt, but—”

“I am scared,” Takeda cut me off. “But it is something that I was already prepared for.”

My eyes widened in disbelief. How could he prepare himself for something… something unbearable?

“I’ve already experienced it the first time you rejected me, haha,” he said, hiding his pain with an awkward laugh. “I resolved myself into trying again, after all. I do…umm… you know…” he stuttered.

I listened… carefully…

“But until there is a certain answer before me, it doesn’t make sense to just give up because you’re scared. To me… liking someone is supposed to hurt. No matter if it is accepted or not. Because after all, it’s supposed to be a journey, right?”

“Is it?”

He nodded and smiled. “I won’t lose,” he said. “I won’t lose today, and whoever the person you’re talking about is—”

“I-it’s just all hypothetical,” I quickly replied.

But he only smiled more.

“No matter who this hypothetical person is, I won’t lose to him.” He turned around toward the stadium. “Miyase-san, until I’ve reached my goal, please save your answer for now.” He turned his head around to give me another look. “I’ll do my best so I will become that hypothetical person with you during that hypothetical lunch,” he declared and ran off.

“Ooooh,” Yui finally made a sound. “See, Takeda ain’t half bad, is he?”

But then I felt her eyes on me. I knew she was trying to read my expressions.

She sighed.

“But unfortunately,” Yui sighed once more. “I think he just gave the right answer to the wrong person.”

“Yui,” I called for her firmly. “I won’t give up yet.”

“Good for you then,” she smiled and gave me a little pat on the back. “Now treat me to some curry for lunch!”

“Huh!?”

“I know where you’re going next. Before we split up, pay me with some curry since you made me an excuse to your mom.”

“I—uhh…” I checked my wallet. “I-I guess it’s fine.”

“Then let’s go!” Yui pulled my hand. “I know a great place!”

I smiled for a moment, and for that moment I felt sure of myself. Even though that smile became weak after, it didn’t fade.

I was still scared. But Takeda was right. If I gave up now, I would never know what Rei was really thinking. Before I turned around and walked away, I had to know first.

That’s why…

“Yui,”

“Hmm?”

“I do like him… I do like Rei-kun…”