Author's Preface
Friday. 6:48 pm.
We have done it several times now. I didn’t even know what time it was. All I could remember from the past few minutes after solving my sixth equation was that my eyes never left the notebook, my hand never stopped pushing my pen across the page, my ears never strayed away from his words.
I was just reading.
I was just solving.
I was just listening.
But it was getting exhausting.
Mundane and familiar.
Familiar?
Yes, starting from the beginning every time I made a mistake, every time I asked, every time I struggled.
Over and over and over and over and over.
It would be strange if I still didn’t get it. I still didn’t get it… but I was starting to become familiar with it.
I heard Kuroiwa close the notebooks he had.
“Let’s take a break,” he said.
Finally? Finally!
I checked the clock automatically, hanging above the TV. Six forty-eight.
Was it this late already?
I stared at it.
I tried to move the longer clock hand backwards. With my eyes.
No. It did not move.
“It’s just a break?” I asked to confirm.
“We still have at least one more to cover.”
“But it’s late.”
He looked at me.
“You can go home if you want. But exams are in five days.”
I opened my mouth.
Seriously, this guy.
“Do I have a choice?”
“I just gave you one.”
“How much longer?”
“About an hour more. It depends on you, though.”
I heard a stomach grumble.
I checked myself for a second. It wasn’t me.
I looked at him. He stared at me. Seriously. Stern. Unbothered.
Was it him?
“Let’s go eat,” he said as he stood up. “Rest there for five minutes, I know a ramen shop nearby.”
So it was him. I muffled a laugh and turned my head briefly so he wouldn’t see.
I saw him head straight toward the door as he moved. Maybe toward his room. But I noticed he kept his distance.
I heard my phone buzz inside my bag. I carefully searched for it.
It was Mika, calling.
“Hello, Mika?” I answered.
“Runa, are you going back home now?”
“Umm… not yet, he said we still need an hour more.”
“What? It’s already late. Does he not have any idea at all what it means to keep a girl alone in a boy’s apartment? What is he thinking?”
“You’re making it sound like we’re doing something inappropriate, we’re just studying.”
“Uh, hello, it’s common sense.”
“It’s also common sense not to jump to any conclusions.”
“Your mom would not acknowledge such common sense.”
… She was right.
“Fine, but don’t be too late. I’ll wait for you at the station later,” she continued.
“You don’t have t—”
“I have to and you don’t have a say in it.”
“Okay, mom.”
“Stop calling me that…”
I smiled.
“By the way, where are you right now?”
“We’re at a karaoke box.”
“Eh!? Really? Aw, I would’ve come too!”
“And ignore studying?”
“...No.”
“Besides, we’re mostly just studying here too, me and Hina at least. Yui sings from time to time.”
“How did you get there? I thought you went home after I left.”
“I wanted to wait for you at the station. But Hina suggested we go here instead and study. She didn’t like the idea of leaving me at the station waiting for you, alone.”
“Ah!? That’s unfair! You’re calling Runa, right!?” I heard Yui’s voice from the other side of the line. A bit far, I could tell she was far away, but I was able to hear her just from the volume of her voice.
“Hey don’t—”
“Give me, I want to talk to her too.”
“Stop, you’ll drop it—”
“Just for a second!”
“Give it back.”
“Hello~” Yui was the one on the phone now. I guess she won. “So how was your date?”
“I want my phone back if you are just going to say ridiculous stuff like that.” Mika protested.
“Oookay,” Yui said reluctantly, “so how is your STUDY… SESSION.”
“Fine,” I replied. Although it did not start fine, she didn’t need to know.
“So how long are you still going to be there?”
“About an hour.”
“Oh, so it means we’re going to have to extend for another hour!”
“Give me my phone!” Mika’s voice sounded faint but I was still able to hear her.
“Yay, I’m going back to the room to tell Hina!” Yui said with glee. I imagined she started running. She shouldn’t run in the hallway, in any hallway. But that’s Yui for you.
“Hey! Give me back my phone!” Mika’s voice faded from the phone.
The call was cut off abruptly. Then, after five seconds, my phone rang again.
“Hello.” It was Mika’s voice now. She sounded like she was catching her breath. “Yeah, well, I guess I have to go as well.”
“Okay.”
“Message me when you’re about to go home, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I’ll wait for you at the station, then we walk home together.”
…
“Don’t you dare.”
I giggled.
“Alright, bye.”
“Bye.”
I turned off my phone screen after the call ended. Then I put it inside my bag. I smiled for a second while securing my bag. I stood up. I wanted to sit on the smaller sofa, but then I noticed someone was standing awkwardly at the door.
It was Kuroiwa staring at me. I stepped back a little.
“Why are you standing there?” I asked.
“I didn’t want to interrupt you.”
You could’ve at least announced your existence, you know.
“Anyway, it’s been five minutes. We should go,” he continued.
I immediately wanted to check my wallet if I still had enough cash left.
“Don’t worry,” Kuroiwa said. “I’ll pay for it.”
I blinked at him.
“You don’t need to do that.”
“You’re in my care at the moment, so I have to take responsibility for feeding you.”
I blinked twice. My eyebrow lifted up.
Did he think I was his pet?
“Fine,” I said, “but don’t complain if I ordered something expensive.”
He nodded.
Really? Is it really okay?
“Let’s go,” he said.
I walked toward the living room door. He stepped back. A few steps to give me room. Then I headed straight toward the main door.
I took a few more steps then I heard him finally walking behind me.
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7:02 pm
Eight minutes. We have been walking for eight minutes. It should’ve taken only five minutes. But for some reason… No. I know the reason. And we added an extra three minutes because of that reason.
The ramen shop was only a few steps away now. And Kuroiwa had been walking behind me. Far behind me the whole time.
I wondered. If I stopped right here. How long would it take for him to pass by me? I wouldn’t look back. I would just wait.
I stopped. Three seconds… ten seconds… twenty-two seconds…
I bit my lip… looked back… and there he was, standing, not moving, and just watching me. A few meters away. Far away behind me.
I composed myself. I tried.
“Shouldn’t you be walking in front of me?” I said with my voice raised a little to make sure he heard me.
He stared for a moment.
“Sure,” he said and began walking. Slow.
Why!?
I waited. And when he was almost near me he moved sideways and made sure he wouldn’t get close to me as he passed by.
And there you go. He was in front of me. This is better than him walking behind me with that weird amount of distance.
That was creepy, but I should’ve expected it.
I let out a long breath.
“So that’s what it feels like to have a stalker,” I muttered to myself.
Finally, we entered the ramen shop.
Inside, there was a long counter near the entrance. The shorter side of the counter was what greeted us when we entered. The longer side faced the four tables in the corner with the right amount of gap between them. I imagined that was where the customers and servers would walk. The counter also had some stools beside it. Behind the counter was the actual cooking station. At a glance, you would wonder how they navigated through it, but up close, it was wide and spacious, enough for someone to move around.
Right at the end of the counter, there was a doorway. It was covered by a short curtain that only really covered the opening. Nothing else.
A faint aroma suddenly hit my nose. It smelled so good that my stomach finally noticed its hunger.
I looked around.
The place seemed empty. And I didn’t see anyone by the counter.
So where did that aroma come from? The ingredients maybe? Or were there some customers earlier and the smell of the cooked ramen still lingered around the shop?
“This place is mostly not crowded during this hour,” Kuroiwa said, “they have more customers during the day.”
I see…
He led me toward the table.
He stopped at the third table from the entrance and then looked at me.
“Sit here.”
“Okay.”
I sat down and gently slid myself toward the corner. Then he kept walking.
I watched him. My eyes widened.
He sat down at the farthest seat of the farthest table from the entrance. Beside that table was another doorway with a short curtain covering the top.
Between us. Two tables. And a pinch of awkwardness.
My hands covered my face. I placed them on the table along with my head. And then I started shouting internally.
Why!?
I waited for a few moments and then I slowly lifted my head. I looked at him.
Him. Eyes. Windows.
Ugh…
I hated this…
This felt too awkward…
I hurriedly slid myself out, stood up, walked, and sat in the seat across from him.
“One table is enough,” I said.
His eyes turned to me, taking his time.
“What?” he replied.
“Nothing... but one table is enough.”
He looked up for a second.
“Sure,” he said and continued to stare at the windows again.
“Oh.” I heard the sound by the counter. It was from a middle-aged man who showed up suddenly. “Sayaka! The kid’s back and with a girl, serve them.”
Hmm?
By the looks of it, the man probably was the owner. And by the sounds of it, he seemed familiar with this guy who was with me.
“Yes, dad!” The reply came from the other side of the doorway beside Kuroiwa.
Then a girl appeared from it. She was holding a menu.
I stared at her for a moment, and she looked like she wasn't far from my age. Her hair was long, black, and tied in a ponytail. She was tall, maybe even taller than Hina. Her eyes were glittering like Yui’s, the shape of them was narrow but the hazel color was still visible. Her lashes were long and her skin was fair and smooth, which almost filled me with envy..
I wasn’t really envious. It was just that this girl standing beside us was really pretty.
“Here’s the menu,” she said, her voice gentle.
She turned toward Kuroiwa.
“The usual?”
He nodded.
I stared at them for a bit, and then she stared back at me with a smile.
I gripped the menu and snapped my eyes back to it. Right, I needed to order as well.
But wait. She looked into his eyes earlier. And she was standing near him.
Before I could finish my thought, I heard her.
“Your order?”
“S-sorry, I haven’t decided yet.”
“Take your time.” She smiled.
I took a short breath. Okay, I have to focus.
…If I remember correctly, he was fine with me buying something more expensive.
Alright… this is payback.
“Um… Can I order a Chashu-men with extra chashu and also some dumplings on the side, please?” I peeked at him from the corner of my eye.
“Good,” he said, “eating a lot is good for the brain.”
…
…
Eating a lot.
…
…
When he says it like that… then…
“Is that all?” the girl said.
“Um, sorry, I’d like to take back the extra chashu and no more dumplings on the side, thanks.”
“Okay, so a bowl of Chashu-men for you." She looked at me.
“Yes,” I replied to her eyes.
"And the usual for you." She looked at Kuroiwa.
He nodded.
“Then just wait here for your order. Thank you.”
She smiled, then disappeared by the doorway beside our table.
And it seemed like Kuroiwa went back to watching the windows again.
What’s so special about those windows?
I turned my head to look at them too. I mean, what do I do at this point?
Then the man at the counter almost shouted.
“Akehiko! Yama-san!”
I looked in his direction. He was now wearing a chef's hat.
I tilted my head slightly.
But he wasn’t before.Maybe he is the chef too? Not just the owner.
I followed the chef with my gaze. And when he reached the other end of the counter, there I saw two middle-aged men.
I wasn’t paying attention to what they were saying, but I could see by how their expression was that they were all friendly to each other.
“This place can be loud sometimes,” Kuroiwa suddenly said.
“Haah! What did you say there, punk!”
I was startled by the sudden shout. I looked at the direction from where it came. And it seemed like it was one of those two new customers who had just come in.
“Say that again!” This time I knew who said it. It was the man in a suit but with no tie.
I held my breath.
That shout was definitely for Kuroiwa. Why did he have to offend some adults instead of just staying quiet!?
I turned my eyes to him.
Windows.
Why!?
My head snapped back towards the other customers.
“Damn, I didn’t get his attention this time,” the man with no tie said.
“Well, better luck next time,” the man wearing glasses consoled him.
“Haha! I’ve tried for weeks but he just loves the look of my windows.” The man behind the counter laughed at him.
…
My face went blank.
What is going on?
The atmosphere was getting awkward, so I tried to talk to Kuroiwa.
“Do you come here often?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said, still looking at the windows. “But there is actually a better place than here. I just come here often at this time because it’s always empty.”
Oh no. Did I just ask the wrong question?
“Say that again, you punk!”
I did, just ask the wrong question.
Sigh.
This time I could tell by the voice that it came from the chef.
Kuroiwa?
Windows.
Of course…
“Well, better luck next time?”
“Hah! Serves you right.”
The one who consoled the chef was the man wearing glasses, and the man with no tie laughed.
Both my hands met my face. This was stressing me out.
Did they really want his attention that much?
“Kuroiwa… san…” I called him.
He turned to me and stared at me for a second.
“Did you not notice at all?”
“About?”
“Those guys at the counter.”
“Why?”
“It seemed like they were trying to talk to you.”
“Really?”
We both looked in the direction where the chef and the other two customers were.
The chef… whistled while looking at the ceiling.
The man wearing glasses… held the menu upside down while reading it.
The man with no tie… was… nowhere to be found.
“They don’t seem like they are talking to me,” Kuroiwa said as I almost slapped myself to confirm if I was living in reality right now.
This is ridiculous!
A few seconds later, I heard them laugh from behind me.
I looked at them. Stared at them menacingly. As menacing as I could get.
They flinched and stopped laughing.
Traitors.
Hmph!
I crossed my arms and closed my eyes.
Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts.
“Our order is taking a bit longer than usual,” Kuroiwa said.
“Oi, Matsuda. Their orders.”
“Oh yeah!”
I didn’t even bother to look at who said what at that point. I didn’t care.
I opened my eyes. And stared at Kuroiwa looking at his beloved windows for a second.
I released the tension from my face. After all the absurdness that just happened, I realized that Kuroiwa and I were just taking a break.
Back in his apartment, there was still a lot of work to be done.
“Hey,” I said.
He looked at me.
“Do you really think I can pass the midterms?” I asked.
“Sure,” he answered. Casually.
But that wasn’t enough for me.
“All we’ve been doing was just starting from the beginning over and over. It’s true that somehow I am making progress, but—”
“You were, and you were better than I thought.”
I blinked.
“I am?”
“Are you tired of the repetition?”
“A little bit.”
“Your patience was actually better than I thought. Normally, other people would already be tired after a few loops of what we just did. But you kept on listening, writing and solving. That’s what matters the most.”
“How about you then? Aren’t you getting tired?”
My eyes met his eyes when I said that. And more details about him appeared in front of me.
Although his eyes were perpetually sharp. The way he held his gaze was always careful. Almost tender. Every time he shifted where to look, it held a pattern. Moving up, then side, then the other side, then neutral. I never noticed it. But I have been staring, ever since I came out from the bathroom. I have been staring.
Dark but soft. Sharp but gentle.
It was so strange. He was so strange.
“No,” he said.
Blunt.
I smiled.
I placed both my elbows on the table and I let my hands support the weight of my head as I put my chin on them.
I stared at him again.
“How did you even think about teaching like that?” I asked.
“Because it’s the most efficient way to learn.”
“Is it?”
“Let me ask you some questions then. How do you learn to play the guitar?”
I blinked.
“Practice?”
“How do you learn to drive?”
“Umm… go to driving school? And also I guess practice.”
“Right, and of course there are different ways to learn different subjects. But for math, practice is the most efficient way. If you continuously solve the same problem that you don’t understand, repeat it from the start if you stumble, you will eventually end up with the right results.”
My eyes widened as I listened.
“If you get familiar with each number, with each sign, with each formula. Of course if you are presented with a different equation, it will become almost automatic for you to solve it even though it’s different from the ones you have dealt with.”
It always mesmerized me whenever he talked like this. Every word that he said punched right through my brain like a revelation I have not even thought existed.
I closed my eyes as I continued to listen to his voice that echoed in my ear. And it turned out that without looking at him as he talked, his voice sounded different. Not by a significant change. A subtle one. Something that you needed to hear… long… intently… attentively…
Strict… but honest…
Cold… but thoughtful…
Precise… but generous…
I had asked myself why multiple times since we started this break. Maybe this is why. Maybe this is the answer.
I didn’t realize until I caught myself smiling more. But I just let it be. I tilted my head over my hands, opened my eyes and stared at him.
“You really do like math, huh?”
“Not really.”
“Eh? Then… you hate it?”
“No. I don’t particularly like or hate math. To me it’s just math.”
That was unexpected.
But kind of something I should have expected.
I sat up properly this time but my eyes never left him.
“Since when were you practicing this way, your way of learning?”
“Since back when I was in elementary school.”
“I—”
“Excuse me, here’s your order.” The waitress from before came back. “Pardon me, pardon me.”
She put down the bowls of ramen from the tray she had been holding.
“Chashu-men for the lady, and Tonkotsu ramen for you,” she said, and gave him a quick wink, then disappeared into the doorway.
I pouted.
Why?
I unpouted my lips.
“Let’s eat,” Kuroiwa said.
The smell of the ramen found its way to my nose and I instinctively just gave the bowl in front of me all my attention.
“It smells good.”
I held the ramen spoon, scooped some broth from the bowl, blew on it a few times, and then took a sip.
I held on for a second as I tried to savor the taste.
“Wow,” I said, “It’s delicious.”
“It is,” Kuroiwa replied.
Behind me some noise just exploded. I just let Kuroiwa enjoy his meal while I looked out of curiosity.
The chef was standing proud while the two other customers were clapping.
I rolled my eyes. I felt like I just wasted my time.
Traitors…
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7:45 pm.
While we were eating. I received a message from Mom. I replied to her that I was with Mika studying at a cafe, thankfully she didn’t call me.
I didn’t really want to lie… but…
I looked at Kuroiwa…
Then my phone buzzed…
Mika called.
“Hello? Mika?”
“Runa, it’s late! And it’s almost an hour since I last called you. Where are you?”
“We just finished eating, we’re still heading toward Kuroiwa-san’s apartment.”
“What!? You just ate?”
“Sorry.”
“So how much longer?”
“About an hour more.”
“Shh, quiet Yui.”
I blinked.
“Yui’s there?”
“Yeah, I scolded her earlier but she is still trying…to… get… YUI!”
“You okay?”
I giggled.
“It’s not funny Ru— Fine, Yui you can extend us for another hour.”
“Yay.” I finally heard Yui’s voice shouting in joy.
I heard Mika sigh.
“Well, I guess we’ll be staying here for another hour.”
“Well, I guess we’re in the same boat.”
“Not really, I’m with friends and you’re with a stranger.”
“Hmm… I don’t know.”
“... Runa, it’s barely been a week since you started talking to him. He is still a stranger.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
I laughed.
“It’s not funny.”
“I know.”
Another sigh from Mika.
“Anyways, message me when you’re about to go. After an hour, I’ll call you again. If that happens, whether you’re done or not, you go home. Understand?”
“But—”
“No buts, you don’t get a say in this.”
“O—”
“And don’t you dare call me mom.”
“Alright.”
“Well then, message me.”
“Okay.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
The call ended.
Stranger.
I sat with that word for a moment.
Technically, Mika was right. And I guess it was just not technical. I really didn’t know anything about this strange guy.
Earlier, he was walking behind me. Now he was walking in front of me. With some weird distance. But there was a significant difference this time.
He was closer.
Just a few steps away.
I stared at his back while he walked. Slow, like always. Unhurried.
At our pace, there were still four minutes left before we reached his apartment.
“Hey,” I said.
He stopped and turned.
“Walk with me,” I continued.
He stared at me for a second. And gave me that look that I presumed was him asking for permission.
I smiled… internally.
“It’s fine.”
“Okay.”
I walked toward him, beside him. Then he walked.
He matched my pace and I matched his.
Until we were completely… in sync.
I tried to talk to him. And surprisingly I tried to tease him. I laughed beside him. He never laughed, he never smiled, but kept talking back.
And that’s enough.
Just a few hours ago, I couldn’t imagine that this would happen. Everything I’ve known about him. This Monday before we talked for the first time Tuesday afternoon. Last week before I even had any inkling of thoughts about him.
They don’t show a picture of him at all.
Different.
In many ways.
Similar in some ways.
It turned out, he wasn’t really lying. He was trying to help me. To teach me. And I felt I had been progressing well.
If there is a struggle, then I start from the beginning.
I wouldn’t fail. Even if his condition was ridiculous. He doesn’t even think about it. So I knew I wouldn’t fail.
I knew he wouldn’t fail me.
At school everybody avoided him. Out here he was the one avoiding.
The chef, the two customers… That waitress seemed fond of him.
And I want to know why. As I have been asking why.
I thought about the waitress. How she casually talked to him, smiled at him, and even winked at him.
I, on the other hand. Him, as well.
There was still distance between us while we walked back to his apartment.
Two minutes left before we arrived.
And I started to wonder.
I wonder when my turn will come… to be familiar with him…