Author's Preface
Thursday. Night.
Let’s see… If I divide this by this, then I move the result to the other side… oh, I have to change the sign of the number from positive to negative… right?
Focused…
The note says I have to… okay… now to just solve the other side…
I was very focused…
Eleven… umm… and negative 6… so I subtract…
I felt my world compress into my desk… studying…
“The answer is five… x is equal to five.”
I blinked… was it right? Did I get it? It felt like I was right.
Carefully, I scanned my desk. My solution notebook was in the middle, right in front of me, Kuroiwa’s math notebook he gave me was on its left, and my math practice exam test paper sat on its right. I did manage to finish a problem that I wasn’t able to solve, but how would I know if I was right?
Oh…
I remembered the correction note Hina gave me last week when she, Mika, and Yui were teaching me.
My hand automatically opened the drawer below my desk. The notebook revealed itself. It was the first thing I saw. I took it out from the drawer and started flipping its pages.
Midterm practice exam, math test, problem number five… found it!
I immediately checked. I analyzed the solution first and compared it to mine… they looked similar. My eyes drifted towards the answer.
“YES!” I accidentally shouted. But who cares. I raised my hands in excitement, so fast I almost threw away Hina’s correction notebook. Right now I felt like I won a gold medal at the Olympics.
I heard footsteps outside my door.
Oh no… I thought and hurriedly placed my math test paper inside my desk compartment. I closed it.
I now cared that I shouted. I shouldn’t have shouted...
Three knocks.
“Runa, I always told you not to be loud when it’s late.” My mom appeared when she opened my door.
“I’m sorry,” I said, the smile on my face was still lingering.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m trying to study.”
My mom looked at me, then she looked around the room.
“That reminds me,” she said, “You haven’t shown me the result of your practice midterms exam yet…”
I choked for a bit. My smile turned from a victory celebration to a worried, she might find out, kind.
“Ah.” I let out without meaning to. “I forgot it at school. I’ll just show you my midterms exam later instead… after it’s done.”
I tried… I tried to make excuses. I had done it so many times in the past, but I was still not used to it.
She stared at me.
“Alright then,” she replied. “Make sure you show it to me afterwards, okay?”
“Okay.”
She smiled at me.
“Well, do your best in studying. I thought I would ask you to come watch Reaching for the stars together tonight, but I guess you’re busy right now.”
I smiled back.
“Okay, Mom, enjoy your show.”
She closed my door carefully.
Finally, I was able to breathe.
I suddenly felt tired. I glanced at my bed…
It was tempting me.
So I launched myself toward it, bouncing once on the mattress.
I turned around to face the ceiling then tilted my head towards the clock standing on my desk.
9:47 pm
It was already this late. Normally, I would still be with my mom in the living room watching dramas together, but lately I hadn’t been able to do so.
I grabbed my phone lying just above me and turned the screen on.
Five notifications from our group chat.
It was Yui and Mika…
Yui: Runa~~
Yui: Runa!!
Yui: RUNAAA!?
Mika: Yui, it’s late!
Yui: MIKAAAAA!!
Yui: HINAAAAAA!!! 😭😭😭
I giggled quietly.
Hina: You called?
Yui: Hina!! Runa is ignoring me. 😭😭😭
Yui: And Mika is being Mika again!
Mika: Hey! What do you mean by that?
Yui: Love you. 😘😘😘💕💕💕
Mika: That’s not an answer. And it’s not a magic phrase to avoid a question.
Yui: Ehehe~~ 😉😉😉
Mika: I’m sleeping, it’s late.
I almost lost it laughing before I’d even typed anything.
Runa: I’m alive Yui, I was studying.
Runa: Wasn’t ignoring you, sorry 🥺
Yui: Yay Runa!🎉🎉🎉
Hina: How did this afternoon go?
Mika: It went quick actually, she went into the building, ten minutes later came out with notebooks in her bag and one in her hand.
Yui: Ooh, spoils of war. 👀👀👀
Runa: We didn’t go to war.
Yui: Sure. 👍
Yui: Anyways. Tell me Runa.
Yui: Is he cute? 😊😊😊
Runa: What?
Mika: WHAT!?
Hina: 😂😂😂
Yui: I mean. You’ve seen him.
Yui: Up close.
Yui: Twice now.
Runa: As far as I know, you’re not blind.
Runa: Use your own eyes.
Yui: I prefer to use them on more important matters. 🔍🔍🔍
Mika: I’m sleeping.
Yui: Second time you said that. 😂😂🤣🤣
Mika: I AM. SLEEPING.
Yui: Third time~~ 😘😘
Yui: Anyways.
Yui: Is he?
Runa: Hmm. I guess. If you look closely. 🤔
Yui: Did you fall for him? 😍😍😍
Runa: What? No.
Yui: Really?
Mika: She said no.
Yui: You’re not sleeping Mika~~ 👀👀👀
I could practically hear Mika sighing through the screen. I giggled.
Mika: How would she fall for him? They just started talking recently. And he’s not some hottie you fall for at first sight.
Yui: hottie?
Runa: Oh wow, you know that word Mika?
Mika: What do you mean?
Yui: We thought.
Yui: You wouldn’t know.
Yui: Since, you know.
Yui: You’re like a dinosaur.
Mika: What!?
Runa: Yui that’s a bit too far.
Runa: Mika’s more like born in Edo period.
Mika: First off. We’re all the same age. I was born sixteen years ago not hundreds.
Mika: Second, calling me a dinosaur is uncalled for, Yui.
Yui: Hehehe~~ ✌✌✌
Yui: Love you. 😘😘
Mika: And third, Runa, do you really think I look like I could be born in Edo period?
I couldn’t object. She did knew about how to look cute and pretty. It was just not very common for her to say words like “hottie”.
Yui: Mika!
Yui: You’re derailing the topic! 😤😤
Mika: It wasn’t me!?
Mika: Oh my god, fine, this time I really am going to sleep!
Mika: Yui, I will see you tomorrow…
Mika went offline immediately.
Yui: Uh oh. 😱
Yui: Anyways~~
Yui: Runa? So did you? 🤭🤭🤭
Hina: You heard Mika.
Yui: Fine…
Yui: But still.
Yui: Don’t you think.
Yui: It’s possible?
Runa: I don’t think so…
Yui: I mean…
Yui: A fair maiden needs help.
Yui: Then comes the shadow prince.
Shadow prince? Who?
Yui: Rescues her.
Yui: Then they fall in love.
Yui: Just like in a fairy tale~~ 🥰🥰🥰
Runa: No.
Hina: No~~
Hina: I bet Runa is grateful to Kuroiwa.
Hina: But that doesn’t mean she’ll fall for him.
Runa: Exactly.
Yui: BOO!
Yui: BOOOO!!
Yui: You’ll regret it. 😤😤😤
Yui: I warned you.
Yui: You’ll regret it not listening to me. 😤😤😤
Yui: When you actually fall for him!
Runa: I’m not.
Runa: We’re just going to study. 😑😑
Hina: It’s late Yui.
Yui: Okay, Mom. 👀👀
Hina: Goodnight sweetie~
Yui: Goodnight 😇😇😴😴
Runa: Goodnight!
I turned the screen off.
Love.
I hadn’t thought about that word in any real way since middle school.
I got up, tidied my desk, stacked the notebooks neatly, and turned off the light.
My eyes stared at the math notebook Kuroiwa wrote for me.
I smiled.
The way I was able to solve a problem I couldn’t during the practice exam still lingered in my head.
I went to bed.
Then I fell asleep somewhere in the middle of thinking how a gold medal would fit around my neck.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday. Second period. Gym class.
I bent over slightly, hands on my knees, catching my breath when Suzuki-chan finally blew the whistle.
I stood up, wiped the sweat from my forehead and headed towards the corner of the gym.
Hina, who came from the other side of the volleyball net, walked with me.
One set of a volleyball match had made me quite tired. But Hina didn’t look like she was.
Her skin glistened a little while she wiped her sweat off, but she still looked put together. Composed. Like she’d been doing something significantly less strenuous than playing a full-effort volleyball match.
We played against each other. My team lost.
I tried to win. I gave my all. But I couldn’t compete against Hina.
She looked at me while we were walking and I stuck my tongue out at her. Just a little. Playful. Pretending I was bitter about losing.
I wasn’t, really. It was just instinct. My instinct didn’t enjoy losing regardless of how I actually felt about it.
I stared at her.
Beautiful. Smart. Athletic.
On top of all those, she was mature. She also had a great figure.
I smiled. I had always thought she was special. And I had always thought ever since we met when we were in fifth grade of elementary that I wanted to become like her.
I didn’t become like her. But I was glad we were still friends.
We sat down at the corner, finally.
I looked back to where the volleyball court was and I saw Mika and Yui preparing for their match. They were on opposite teams. Mika looked really fired up. Like she was about to teach some kind of lesson to her opponents. Probably because of what happened last night, but I saw her frown when she looked at Yui.
Yui joked around with her teammates and was laughing. Unconcerned. She saw Mika staring at her. Gave her a wink and stretched her hand towards Mika to make a peace sign with her fingers.
I bet Mika didn’t like that. It showed when she closed her eyes and gripped her hand tight.
Hinano-chan was the one who acted as a referee this time. She walked to the middle of the court and tossed a coin.
Yui’s team got to serve first.
While I was in the middle of getting swept by how entertaining this match could become, I finally remembered. The math question from last night I wanted to ask Hina ever since this morning. And I felt this moment was a great opportunity to ask.
I turned toward her.
Her eyes were focused. It wasn’t at me. It wasn’t at Mika and Yui.
I followed her gaze and saw what she was looking at. It was at the opposite side of the gym. A match between the boys. And there I saw him. I saw everyone around him.
I saw the orange ball the boys were chasing around and a board that was high around both ends of the area they were playing at.
Are they playing basketball? I thought they were. Probably.
Kuroiwa was there. Running back and forth but no one paid attention to him. He caught the ball mid-air. And then everyone around him stopped. They just turned around and stopped moving.
“Their match is getting interesting,” Hina said. Without me asking.
“...Is it?” I asked.
She didn’t answer. But I wondered, briefly, if she actually understood basketball at some level, being as athletic as she was.
I continued watching. I wondered what Kuroiwa was going to do, now that the ball was in his hands. Somehow I was expecting him to do something incredible. Was I? I think it’s more like I was curious since he looked like someone who could do everything.
He bounced the ball once, twice, and jogged. At his usual slow pace. In his usual unhurried ways. No one was in front of him, there was no resistance at all. And then he reached the far end of the court. He threw the ball toward the circle thing with a net.
It didn’t go in.
That was unexpected...
The moment it bounced away, everyone resumed moving. Someone grabbed a new ball and the game continued… Like nothing had happened.
“There’s a rumor,” Hina said, leaning slightly toward me, “that if you touch the ball after he misses, you get bad luck for the rest of the day.”
I stared at the ball that no one picked up. It was still rolling away from everybody, toward the edge of the gym, untouched.
“...That’s ridiculous,” I said.
“Right?” Hina agreed easily. “People will say and believe anything. All because someone looks a little different.”
I didn’t respond right away.
Well, a week ago, I was one of them too. So I really couldn’t judge anyone. Otherwise I would just be a hypocrite. All I knew was what I knew about him, but I was glad that at least, at this point, I stopped believing any of those exaggerated rumors.
But it was not like he was suddenly not scary anymore.
I contemplated on that for a bit.
Hina smiled at me.
“But you’re different now, right?” I wondered if she could actually tell what I was thinking.
I nodded.
“Yeah.”
“You know, there’s a lot of difference about knowing someone, talking to them, and not caring at all.”
“I know.”
“Now that you’ve talked to him, it doesn’t mean that you know him entirely, but at least because of that, I know you can’t imagine such rumors to be true. Since, you know, he’s human.”
I stared at her for a moment. Her smile never faded. She always knew what to say. Always.
“Look,” she said, gesturing toward the ongoing basketball match.
I turned around. It seemed like Kuroiwa caught the ball accidentally again. And just like last time, everyone around him stopped moving and stopped looking.
He bounced the ball like he did earlier. Tried to run…
Then slipped.
He fell to the ground. His face on the floor.
The ball went out of the area where they played and everyone continued to move again. Someone got another ball and then they resumed.
Hina giggled.
“He’s actually pretty clumsy, huh.”
“Yeah.” I agreed, smiling.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lunchtime.
Same spot on the rooftop.
We were already finished eating and packed our lunch boxes in our bags. But there was apparently one piece of business still that I needed to do inside mine.
Hina requested to see the notebooks Kuroiwa gave me. Then Yui got curious. Which made Mika also want to see them.
I sighed.
I took three notebooks out. Math, science and English. I couldn’t take the others because if I did, my shoulder would definitely complain about the weight and would retaliate with pain later. And I was already getting a lot of other pains in other places lately, specifically my back.
What I took were only the ones relevant to the subjects we were getting lectured on today.
I presented the notebooks to them.
Hina immediately took math.
Mika wanted science.
And Yui just took what was left.
I watched their faces.
Yui’s eyes were doing that sparkly thing. I genuinely couldn’t tell if it was about the notebook itself or about whatever fantasies she started narrating in her mind.
“Lo—”
“No,” I said, before she got past one syllable.
I looked at Mika instead. Her face was so focused that I felt if I called her name she wouldn’t even hear me. She was analyzing what was inside, something that I felt last night, checking the notebooks myself, would definitely catch her eyes.
The whole structure of the notes. The labeling, the way everything was organized, like the way she wanted to make her notes look. Whenever she showed me hers, she would always complain that she couldn’t organize them as neatly as she wanted to, even though they looked perfectly neat to me. Explanations everywhere, detailed remarks on what was important to remember and what was not. Contexts and simplified words to actually make definitions easier to understand. Kuroiwa made them all. He wrote them all.
I could see it in her eyes. And I could guess that she was memorizing everything and would try to do the same with her notes from now on.
Finally, I looked to the person sitting beside me.
Hina.
“This is amazing,” she said. Quiet. Like she wanted to be the only one who heard it.
Her expression was something I never thought I would see in her face. It wasn’t analytical like the way Mika was, or even creating fantasies over her head like Yui did. Hers was different. There was reverence in it. Like she was looking at the rarest treasure in the world.
She turned a page.
“This part… this is where I got it wrong on the practice exam.” She lifted a hand slightly, almost covering her mouth. “Oh. So this is how you’re supposed to do it.”
She stayed on that page a moment longer, and then turned to me.
“Runa.” Her voice was careful yet urgent. “Can I borrow this for five days? No! Three days, three days is enough.”
Three days?
“No!” I said, instinctively.
“Why?”
Why? Because I need it. Obviously.
“Just one day, then.” She kept going.
“No,” I said again. Firmer.
“Please.” She almost bowed her head toward me.
“Hina, you don’t need it,” Mika cut in.
“But look at this—” Hina turned to show Mika the page.
“I know,” Mika said, before even fully looking. “It’s well organized. It’s easy to understand and it explains the mistakes we made during the practice exam. For both of us it would feel like — like someone wrote down exactly what we needed and handed it to us from above.”
“If you already understand it, then—”
“Runa needs it more than you do, Hina.”
Hina looked shocked. She stared at Mika for a second, she probably couldn’t believe she wasn’t taking her side.
She lowered her head, defeated, and handed the notebook back to me.
“Take it before I change my mind,” she said.
“That’s not really your decision to make,” I said, gently but firmly, taking it from her before she could reconsider anything.
I put it in my bag. Immediately. Safely.
“He wrote this? And there are six more of these besides the one brought?” Yui asked.
“Apparently,” Mika answered for me. “And apparently he didn’t even sleep so he could write them.”
“Without sleeping!?”
Yui’s voice made me regret telling Mika the second part.
“Wow.” Yui held the English notebook up toward the sky with both hands, like she’d unearthed something sacred. “For someone he barely knew. He did it. For you.”
I sighed. I didn’t need to look at her to know that statement was aimed directly at me.
“To help me study.” I clarified whatever she was assuming it could mean.
I held my hand out for the notebook. She handed it over carefully.
“That’s not the only reason,” Yui continued.
“It’s the only reason.”
To be honest, I didn’t fully understand it either. He did and said a lot of things I couldn’t make sense of. But he’d told me it was to help me, and at this point I’d decided to just take his word for it, because I didn’t want to spend the entire time studying with him, trying to figure out what was on his mind.
“So you’re saying he just did this for no reason?” Yui shot back.
“Hello? Helping me study is reason enough.”
“I doubt it. I think there’s more. And something is in the air that I can smell.”
She paused. Sniffed the air.
“I smell LO—”
“NO,” I said and without meaning to, covered her mouth with my hand.
Yui was surprised and she freed herself immediately.
“Don’t ever do that again!” she said then pouted.
Mental note. I would definitely do that again next time. The moment another opportunity came.
“Your hand smelled like garlic.”
I blinked.
“Excuse me!? I used my hand sanitizer after eating!” I took out my hand sanitizer again from my bag and used it. “See!”
I stretched my hand toward her.
“Smell it,” I said.
“Nope, it still smells like garlic.”
My mouth opened.
Yui stuck her tongue out.
All I could bring myself to do at that moment was sigh, so I did.
Fine… I’ll admit defeat this time.
“Yui, you watch too many dramas,” Hina said softly.
“I do. And I love them.” Yui said it with actual sparkle in her eyes.
“Dramas are dramas. Reality is different.”
“But the possibility is still there.”
Hina just looked at her.
Even Hina was no match for Yui when she was being like this.
“Fine.” Yui muttered, finally reading the room. “But mark my words. Don’t blame me when it actually happens. And if it does. I would grant you permission to call me,” she stood up, “the great Yuistradamus!”
“Definitely not,” Mika said, finally joining the conversation.
She was so consumed by reading the notebook she had that I doubted she noticed what happened earlier except for what she actually noticed just then.
Yui pouted but let it go.
Mika handed me the science notebook.
“Here.”
“Thank you.” I took it carefully and put it away with the others.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday. Afternoon.
This afternoon was different in one way. Mika wasn’t coming with me. I’d asked her, Yui and Hina instead for something else. I told them if my mom called and the session ran long, if they could say I was with them. Yui and Hina agreed instantly. Mika took half a second longer to consider for a bit, and I knew why. It was because she wasn’t really the kind of person who liked to lie. But then she nodded anyway.
I’m sorry Mika. I thought. I would apologize to her properly next time.
We split at the station. But I was the first to board the train. Going in a different way that I was finally getting used to over the past few days.
The walk felt different too. I was getting familiar with the street.
I would know where to turn now. In fact, my feet just did that for me. And if I saw the ramen shop, I would know that just about five minutes more and I would arrive at Kuroiwa’s apartment.
I passed the convenience store on the corner. Two minutes away.
I thought about last night. I thought about how I felt when I finally got something right without guessing. I thought about everyone’s faces, especially Hina and Mika, when they saw what was inside the notebooks. And I got nine of them. All of them made for me so I would have a chance.
This afternoon, I’ll do my best.
I turned the last corner. The building finally came into view.
And like a routine, I got in, pressed the intercom, went inside the elevator.
Fifth floor like always.
As I stepped out, everything from the past few days seemed to catch up to me at once. The anxiety building toward midterms. That Tuesday afternoon in the classroom. The first time I stood at his door. Every conversation with Mika, with Hina, with Yui. The notebooks. I’d only brought three today… but maybe I should’ve brought all six that he said we’re gonna use for midterms.
“It’s finally starting,” I whispered to myself, walking up to his door.
I pressed the doorbell.
Same as always. I waited for a few seconds.
I felt small fluttering nerves around my stomach, looking forward to what this session would bring and also a bit of nervousness that I didn’t want to think about. Not right now. Not in this moment.
I took a breath.
The door opened.
I looked at him.
“Solve x squared minus six x plus five equals zero. By completing the square.”
I blinked.
What?
I wasn’t ready for all of this… This was not what I had been expecting.
This was not what I had been expecting at all!!