Chapter 13: Reflections

Content Warning: Blood, prejudice and slurs, misogynistic language, emotional distress, and references to violence and child abuse.

The palace’s throne room had always felt much too large and too cold. Lavender light spilled through towering stained-glass windows, while purple tapestries hung between pale columns. It was indeed beautiful, but cold and devoid of life. The throne was no better. Seated atop pale stone steps that seemed to reach the heavens… it was a sight to behold. But Gods was it uncomfortable.

Jamila was bruised all over thanks to the barrage of stones, and the hard golden throne was making every ache worse. She tried her best to avoid this room, but today… was a special day. She could ignore the anxiety that curled in her throat if it meant punishing the man before her.

Valen was on his knees, pleading as he explained the events that had led to her daughter being attacked so viciously.

“I swear, Your Majesty! I tried to intervene but the crowd was too much!”

Jamila leaned against one arm of the throne, a bored look crossing her features. It was a good story. But still only a story. His lips wouldn’t cease moving, and the way his eyes flickered at her with an emotion she refused to name made her want to vomit. She had known more than a few knights who seemed to think that if they waited long enough, Jamila might even look their way. .

Afterall… someone who sleeps with Thornbloods must have low standards.

The corners of her lips curved into a humorless smile. She had heard those words throughout Shani’s childhood. And it seemed the man before her was no different. Jamila was once more just a pretty bed warmer… no respect in his eyes. But what was worse… was the constant barrage of excuses.

She could have him tied to multiple horses and have them run in different directions. That would be within her right, and repay the blood and fear Shani experienced. She pinched the bridge of her nose and clenched her eyes shut for a moment.

No. She would not turn into him.

She wanted to roll her eyes as the lies continued to spew from his lips. How could a knight lack so much honor? Perhaps she should discuss changing the prerequisites for apprentice knights with Jaziel. Too many lacked the honor their positions demanded, and she wanted the next generation of knights to be better.

Perhaps… offering people of low birth…

“So, Your Majesty… I understand that I messed up. But I beg you to show leniency,” he said, drawing Jamila from her thoughts.

“After all… I am not gifted by Myrios. How was I supposed to know that a childish tiff would lead to such cruelty?” His lips twitched upward. Jamila was exhausted… This man was absolutely insufferable.

“I see… I understand your story now.” Her voice came out level. The man’s eyes brightened.

“So you mean—”

“But… even if they were just children and you have no gift of foresight, the moment the princess was restrained, you should have acted!” Jamila gripped the arms of the throne. Her body was on fire as she looked at Valen. She placed a hand against her chest and took a few deep breaths until the flames had nearly died.

What was she going to tell Shin? If he found out… she wasn’t ready to think of that.

“But the princess is a Thornblood! She should have been fine!” Valen hissed. Jamila’s jaw tightened.

“Thornblood?” Jamila repeated emotionlessly. She rose from the throne and began descending the steps. Valen’s eyes widened.

“Yes… let’s say that’s true,” she continued as she reached the bottom of the steps. She stood in front of him, forcing his gaze to meet hers.

“Even if that were the case… she is seven. You expected a seven-year-old… to fight off three preteens?”

His mouth hung open as he stared up at her, only soft grunts managing to leave his throat. Jamila shook her head and knelt before him, taking the man’s face in both hands. She ignored the pain radiating from the bandaged one.

“Not only that… but your inaction drew holy blood from both your princess… and your Empress.” Jamila’s tone was soft but her nails dug into the man’s cheek. His eyes widened as crimson pooled beneath her fingertips. A nearby knight offered Jamila a cloth. She rose and accepted it with a smile.

“But I understand mistakes happen. So you won’t be executed.”

Valen’s eyes lit up. But Jamila held up her hand.

“You are no longer a knight. Any honors and land you acquired during your years of service will be stripped.” Valen paled, but Jamila continued. “You may keep your title… I will let your family decide what they want to do with you in that regard.”

His face froze for a moment before contorting with rage. “What the hell… you just basically disowned me and you’re treating it as a mercy?!” He screamed. Jamila tried her best not to flinch. She looked toward one of her knights. He nodded, grabbed Valen’s arm, and dragged him away.

“You’re a witch! A bloody harlot! You and your forest spawn will burn!” He screamed as he was dragged out. The moment the doors shut, silence filled the room once again. Jamila’s lip quivered, but she forced herself to look at the others in the room.

“You are all excused… All I need is two people stationed outside the doors.” She said with a shaky smile. They bowed and left a breath later. Jamila collapsed on the steps, staring at her bloodied nails as tears fell. She wiped anxiously at the blood over and over.

She froze, staring at her trembling hand. “Gods… Shin and Lucius are going to lecture me in the next letter…” An incredulous laugh escaped her.

She lost it. She hurt someone. She was just like… him. More tears fell. She rested her head on her arms and allowed them to come.

She hated this damned room.

Jaziel hummed a tune as he adjusted his golden bracers. He kicked his bloodied clothing into the furnace. He began his ascent, pausing as his reflection flashed across the polished metal. A tendril of his white hair was stained red. An abrupt laugh left him.

“Oh dear… that could have been bad,” he mused as he licked his fingers and cleaned away the last trace of blood. Then he continued up the stairs.

He paused at the entryway of the palace, adjusting his dark purple sash and the high collar of his white tunic. Then he smiled and entered. Jaziel offered the servants who passed him a lazy nod. Many were rushing around, clearly on edge.

Something definitely happened in town.

He approached the nearest maid, who was cleaning up a shattered vase. The young girl looked to be a few years younger than Jamila, but he recognized her face instantly.

“Good afternoon, Melody,” he said with a casual smile as he squatted down before her.

“You don’t happen to know where the Empress currently is, do you?” he asked, his tone as smooth as wine. And probably just as intoxicating, if the blush on her cheeks was anything to go by. Melody nodded and lowered her eyes.

“Her Majesty is currently in the throne room…” she answered quietly. Her eyes never left the floor. Jaziel’s eyes widened. Oh… It was a very bad trip then.

“Thank you, Melody,” he said with a bright smile. Melody nodded a reply before returning to work. She was a diligent worker and obedient. He would make a note of that.

Jaziel stood and headed towards the throne room. His pace quickened, though not enough to draw attention. He needed to reach her. He understood better than anyone how much his sister despised that place. He arrived just as a red-faced knight was escorted out of the room. The man shrugged off the larger knight beside him.

“I get it! I’m leaving!” he hissed. The larger knight looked less than impressed and refused to back away. Jaziel recognized the red-faced knight… Valen. That was his name. Youngest son of a count’s family, if he recalled correctly. Quite the prodigy when it came to stealth.

He huffed a few angry breaths, then bumped into Jaziel’s shoulder. He didn’t even bother to look at him. He was in quite a rage indeed.

“That bitch… who does she think she is…” the man muttered under his breath.

“She’s just a Thornblood whore playing Empress,” he muttered as he stormed past Jaziel and towards the exit. A few knights followed close behind him.

Jaziel’s eyes widened as a vein pulsed sharply in his neck. He took a deep breath and watched the man for a few more moments, taking note of his height, face, age. Everything of importance. Filing it away for a time when he could use it. But for now… he had more important matters to attend to.

He entered the throne room.

Jaziel’s eyes widened as he spotted Jamila on the ground, crying. Her right hand was bandaged. His eyes softened as he approached and sat next to her. He ran his fingers down her spine as she continued to cry.

“Rough day?” he asked lightly, resting a gentle hand on her shoulder. Jamila glanced up at him. Her eyes were swollen. Then he noticed the bruising and the cut on her cheek.

His heart shuddered. He gently cupped Jamila’s face, forcing her to look at him.

“What happened, Jam?”

Jamila’s lips quivered. She reached out and wrapped her arms around her brother’s neck. She began explaining everything that had happened. Parts were hard to follow between her gasps for air. He hadn’t seen her cry this much since she took care of his back after an especially difficult punishment.

“I… I drew his blood… I was just like him,” she cried as she clung to her brother. Jaziel shook his head.

“You’re not him, Jam… If you were, that knight would be in pieces,” Jaziel said gently as he stroked her hair.

He should be in pieces. Not only had he allowed the Princess to be hurt and humiliated, his inaction had left a cut on Jamila’s lovely face. She had been far too generous… and she was worried she was taking after their father? Jaziel wanted to laugh at the idea, but now was not the time.

Valen… he would deal with him later.

“And Shani… She was all alone…” Jaziel sighed and pulled away. He reached out and wiped the tears from beneath her lavender eyes.

“You did the best you could… how were you supposed to know he was incompetent?” Jamila sniffled. Jaziel pulled out a handkerchief and offered it to her. She took it without hesitation.

“You treated him a hundred times more fairly than Father ever would… you are not him, Jam.” She offered him a weak smile, but her eyes told him she wasn’t fully convinced.

“Thank you…” she mumbled as she dabbed her eyes. She looked her brother over, her eyebrows knitting together.

“How was the palace while we were gone? Something must have happened if you had to change clothes.” She tilted her head. Jaziel’s eyebrows rose, an impressed smile tugging at his lips.

“Oh… It was definitely quite the day… I had to help clean up a mess that got all over me,” he said bashfully as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Seems we both had a rough day…” Jamila straightened slightly and smiled brightly, though the sadness behind it remained. Jaziel shrugged.

“Well, at least the palace hasn’t burned down.” Jaziel smiled wryly. Jamila nudged him playfully.

“Although… Nimue did come looking for you earlier. It was right after you left… It’s unfortunate she missed you,” he said calmly. Confusion crossed Jamila’s features as she tilted her head.

“Really? That’s strange… Did she say what she needed?”

Jaziel reached into his pocket and withdrew a folded document, handing it to her. Jamila took it and looked it over. It was a request for leave, signed by Nimue and the palace staff manager, Jaziel. Jamila pursed her lips.

“She said she needed to visit some distant family,” he said as he leaned against Jamila’s shoulder. “She was planning to leave through the Valedros port.”

It nearly shocked him how easy it was to lie to her. He felt bad… but this was best for his sister and his niece. Now Shani wouldn’t have anyone hitting her anymore.

Jamila looked over the document sadly. “There’s no return date…” she mumbled as she leaned on him. Jaziel’s eyes softened as he stroked her hair once more.

“She looked like she was in a rush… I figured it was the least I could do for everything she’s done.” His tone was soft, almost melancholy. Jamila’s lips formed a thin line before a tear ran down her face.

“I wish I could have said goodbye…” Jamila murmured. Jaziel’s stomach dropped. But this was for them. She would forget Nimue after a while. After all, she was with her family now. He was sure she would be very happy there.

Jamila handed him back the document and sighed. She stood up and dusted her skirt off.

“Well… I suppose Shani will need a new tutor for a while,” she said, agitation lacing her voice. Jaziel rubbed his chin as he considered the statement. He couldn’t trust anyone else to educate her… not after what happened today. He refused to let someone else hurt her.

“Well… maybe I could?”

Jamila blinked at him, surprised.

“You? Don’t you have enough to manage already?” she asked, one brow remarkably higher than the other. Jaziel chuckled at her expression, which only made her frown.

“Yes,” he admitted lightly. “But it’s only a couple hours a day. I think I can manage.”

Jamila still looked unconvinced. He smiled.

“And if I’m unavailable… I could always find someone to fill in, though I doubt that would be an issue.” He continued trying to convince her. Jamila sat back down, a finger tapping against her lips. He recognized the motion… she was considering it.

“I thought it would also be nice to spend some time with Caelis and… Shani,” he said. The Sullivian name tasted bitter on his tongue but it did not show on his face. Jamila’s expression softened as she smiled at Jaziel.

“Very well… but only until Nimue returns. And please tell me if it becomes too much, Jaz.” she said. Her expression softened with concern. Jaziel laughed.

“Too much? If I can handle you, I can handle anything,” he said with a playful wink.

Jamila nudged his shoulder slightly but he didn’t move. She had missed this. Their relationship had been strange for a while, but it finally felt like maybe… they were moving past it. They sat there for a moment longer before Jamila stood once more.

“I should go check on Shani…”

Jaziel began to rise beside her when the doors to the throne room burst open. A maid rushed in breathless, her uniform damp with sweat.

“I… I can’t find the princess!”