My head was spinning and I felt that everything I had ever eaten was trying to exit the same way it entered. My eyes were open but I couldn't see anything except the blinding white light coming from everywhere. The ringing in my ears was slowly fading and once again I heard a voice, not the same as i did before.
"Mr. Kai, please get a hold of yourself. We both want to be done with this process as soon as possible."
I looked in the general direction of where the voice was coming from. Still nothing but a blinding white light. My hands instinctively moved to my face and I started rubbing my eyes, hoping that maybe it would help. It did and instead of a beautiful, busty blonde angel that would guide me to my "forever-after", I saw a clean shaven young man in a white suit. He was sitting at an equally white desk and, surprisingly, so was I. After the initial shock, I managed to blurt out a couple of words.
"Am I dead? Alive? Bureaucratically in between? What's going on man?"
"Please stay calm Mr. Kai. You will have your answers in due time."
I looked around. To my left and right was a never ending row of similar looking desks with similar looking clerks. At each desk that I could see, people were seated the same way I was. I saw an old man with a turban and a beard that stretched to his feet. I saw a balding fat guy in a Hawaiian shirt with an empty glass in his hand. I also saw a young boy. Unlike the rest of us he wasn't alone. By his side I saw an angel, comforting him and caressing his hair.
"Please stop looking around and focus on yourself."
The man in front of me was calm and firm in his commands. I looked at him once again and at his table now lay an open book.
"Mr. Kai, to answer your previous questions - yes, you are dead and yes you are in between life and the afterlife, or as your kind used to call it - limbo. My name is Luciel and I'll be your caseworker for this lifetime."
"For this lifetime? You mean I had lived before?"
"Well yes, of course, there's a limited number of souls you know? We can't produce more so we have to recycle and reuse the souls we have. In fact, let me check your file."
The man leafed through the book at a speed I couldn't keep up with. The pages flew from one end to the other and then back again. A couple of seconds later, the book closed and the young clerk once again looked at me, smiling in a polite yet clearly fake way.
"So. Mr. Kai, you're a very interesting subject. You've indeed lived previously, and to my surprise, you were always assigned the same universe. From what I saw, your first life began during the Eoarchean era of your world. You lived for exactly thirty-seven seconds before you were consumed by a bigger organism."
"Mhm"
"Your second life happened during the Mesozoic era. You were born as a Troodon, but perhaps born is not the correct word here as you lived for thirteen days before your mother crushed your egg with her own weight."
"Mhmmm"
"Your third life began during the medieval period. You were born to a lovely couple of Burgundian peasants. They were related and it led to you being born with hydrocephalus. They thought that you were cursed by Satan and your father threw you off a cliff during your second day on earth."
"Mhmmmmm"
My god, was I always such a fucking loser?
"But don't worry, your fourth life was much better, I promise. You were born during the Victorian era and even lived in the capital of the British Empire - London."
Okay, hold on, that sounds pretty good.
"On your seventh birthday you started working as a chimney sweeper. You fell a week before your eighth birthday and died on the spot."
"Does that actually sound 'much better' to you, you slicked-hair twat?"
"On second thought, not really. But your fifth li-" - before he could finish, a loud, repeating chime sounded. Luciel's smile faded as he started looking around and behind himself. Suddenly, large walls emerged from the ground, surrounding us both and a ceiling descended and locked into the walls, boxing us into this makeshift room.
"You must have fucked up." - Luciel said, his voice now much lower than before.
He started scrambling and picking everything from the desk. I got up from the chair and looked around the room, hoping for any possible exits, but there was nothing. The ugly wallpaper plastered on the walls was seamless and unbroken, giving no indication that anything lay behind it.
"I-I mean, I looked at your file, you were a shithead, a bastard, a gambling addict, a-"
"I get it man, you don't have to keep beating me down."
"But you weren't that bad. I don't know why she wants to handle you by herself." - as he finished, his hand moved towards the book, but suddenly stopped. He looked at it for a brief moment and whispered under his breath.
"No, she'll probably need it."
"Who are you even talking about, man? Who is 'she'?"
"She's here."
Luciel looked up and a burst of white flame engulfed him. He wasn't in any kind of pain, at least his face didn't show it. He shot a quick glance at me as he vanished before my eyes. Where he stood, nothing remained, not even a single clue that he had been here just a mere moment ago. Then, I felt a warm hand graze my back and firmly grip my shoulder. I didn't dare to look. Was I about to be sent to hell, or whatever fiery pit this place had?
The hand moved from my shoulder and I heard what felt like a thousand voices commanding me in unison.
"Turn around."
I slowly started turning on my heel. My head was the last to follow, my gaze still anchored on some random element of the tapestry in front of me. When I couldn't move anymore without trying to purposefully break my neck, I quickly moved my head to meet the gaze of whatever was standing behind me.
But there was nothing. Not a 'she' as Luciel said nor anything else, just the wall a meter or two from me.
"Look down you idiot!" - a gravelly, deep voice filled my ears and I complied. My eyes darted down.
There stood a small, white haired woman, not taller than four feet and an inch or two, in a sophisticated, layered aquamarine dress. On her neck, a hexagonal necklace with several golden ornaments lay flat. Her light blue eyes were piercing right through me and I could feel she was judging every little detail of me. Suddenly she smiled from ear to ear and a squeaky voice came out of her.
"Hiiiii! I'm Sofiel, I'm the goddess of fortune and patron of gamblers. I've been watching you for quite some time now, Kai."
"Y-you have? What do you mean?"
Sofiel moved lightly through the room and jumped on the desk where the book still remained. She moved her finger over the cover and the book immediately opened and the pages started flipping until she snapped her fingers and the book stopped. She raised her hand and the book moved through the air, stopping right before my face.
"Look at that Kai, it's the attributes page for the soul."
I looked at it. The attributes looked quite simple, strength with a value of 30, perception at 54 and a couple of other things at around the same level. At the bottom, however, was one single attribute, singled out from the rest - luck. I had to do a double-take to make sure I was reading it correctly. My soul luck value was exactly 1. Not 100, not even 10, exactly 1.
"You see Kai, your soul for millions of years had a purpose. You, my dear, were supposed to be at the bottom of the food chain. You were supposed to be sustenance for others, more inclined towards greatness."
What? What is she even talking about? What sustenance? I'm no fucking sustenance.
"When Luciel was telling you about your previous lives he lied. The first life he told you about wasn't your first. It was your ten-thousandth. You were always processed automatically so as not to take time from working angels."
I couldn't believe what I had heard. That couldn't be true. I wasn't food for others. I was a human. I had feelings, I had dreams, I had desires. And now, this little shit was telling me that my only purpose was to die over and over again so that some fucking wolf or a shark could eat my liver?!
"Yes Kai, that's exactly what I told you. I can hear your thoughts. Remember that I'm a goddess."
"So what now?! You're going to reincarnate me as a pigeon so an outdoor cat can eat me? Or maybe a caterpillar so I'll be eaten by that pigeon? Why the fuck did you even come here to tell me this?"
"Because things changed, you idiot! If you were to be reincarnated as an ant it would happen automatically. Neither I nor Luciel would have to lift a finger to process you. He told you about that Victorian era life of yours, right? That's when everything broke."
"And what does it matter to you that it might have broke? Yeah, I'm an addict and a bastard, but I'm the first addict and bastard to ever get out of your little cycle, and you're trying to take this away from me, you-"
"Stop interrupting me! I said you weren't supposed to live for more than a day, but these parents of yours somehow kept you alive. The whole cycle broke and with that, your luck. You see, you didn't start at 1. You started at 0. You somehow managed to get more luck. It shouldn't be possible."
"What do you mean? We can't change the attributes of our souls?"
"No, no you can't. Only a god-kin can do that. I could do that if I wanted to. By that, you're either a god, a god-kin helped you or…"
"Or what?"
"Or you broke the system that stood for aeons. No one helped you, because I would feel their hand on you. So what is it Kai? Are you a god hiding in the soul of a puny little creature? Or did you somehow manage to break out of the system?"
I stepped back as Sofiel jumped down from the table and started moving towards me. Again I scanned the room for any possible exit, but nothing changed. Then, I felt something. A feeling deep inside my chest that I had never experienced. It felt as if something inside of me woke up and rearranged. Suddenly, a soft, child-like voice sounded inside my head.
"Remember."
And I remembered. Thousands of memories flooded my brain like a tidal wave. I remembered the smell of London, full of burning coal and smog. I remembered the taste of moldy bread and the stomach ache that usually followed. I remembered the faces of two people that despite everything kept me alive.
And I remembered the freeing feeling of being on top of the tallest buildings and the pain of breaking every bone when I fell off of one.
A small panel appeared in front of me.
【WELCOME BACK KAI】
【 IT WOULD APPEAR THAT YOU ARE DEAD】
【 IT WOULD APPEAR THAT YOU ARE IN】
【 D A N G E R】
【 YOUR INITIAL SETUP WILL BE POSTPONED】
【 DO YOU WISH TO ESCAPE?
[YES] [NO]】
I need to get out of here as soon as possible, that crazy bitch will evaporate my soul or something. How do I even select the options? Shit, I guess I'll try speaking them out loud.
"YES!"
"What yes? And what options are you even thinking about? Who the hell are you, Kai?"
【 UNDERSTOOD】
【 PLEASE SELECT YOUR NEXT DESTINATION:
EARTH - WHERE YOU'VE SPENT YOUR LAST BILLIONS OF LIVES
SOVAR - A NEVER ENDING PLANE RULED BY SENTIENT ANTS
PONAK - A POST-APOCALYPTIC WASTELAND WHERE EVEN A FLY COULD KILL YOU
ELDRIA - A MAGICAL LAND FILLED WITH WARRING KINGDOMS AND SPECIES READY TO GUT YOU IN AN INSTANT 】
Shit, I don't want to go back to Earth again. I'm tired of it. Let's gamble on this one.
"ELDRIA!"
"How do you know about Eldria?! What are you even talking about, you crazed bastard?"
【UNDERSTOOD】
【PREPARE TO BE TRANSPORTED】
I felt my weight shift and a golden circle appeared by my feet. The panel dissipated and I saw the face of Sofiel right in front of me.
"So you're not a god-kin. You didn't smell like one. You're a cheater. A filthy cheater that broke the system that worked since the dawn of creation. I'll be seeing you, Kai."
The golden light filled my vision and I felt as weightless as if I was in pure nothingness. I could feel every single bone in my body and every single nerve ending. I don't know how long I was in the golden light, it felt like less than a second but at the same time it felt like an eternity. Once again I heard a voice, the same one I did, when I died.
"Your chances of escaping her were one to sixteen trillions. You aren't as unlucky as she told you Kai."
As I was feasting on the joys of not being, the light went out and I felt myself falling.
I hit the ground and the air left my lungs. I groaned and moved from side to side, trying to find a position that would alleviate the pain. As I was on my stomach, I opened my eyes and saw dark dirt beneath me.
I moved my hand in front of me to grab some, but a makeshift spear stabbed the ground in front of my hand. I looked up and saw a pair of small green feet.
Ah fuck.