June 1895

Tuesday, 11 June 1895

I met Beth today, Mr. Fenris’ fiance. She visited the butcher shop for dinner. She is handsome and very nice. I see why Mr. Fenris is so fond of her. They are getting married on Saturday so Mr. Fenris is closing the shop Friday and all next week.

Nathaniel asked me to come to the wedding. I’m nervous about going, I’ve never been to a wedding before. I don’t know anyone who will be there except Mr. Fenris, Mr. Harper, and Beth. Maybe he will let Ryn go as well. I would be more comfortable having him with me.

Mr. Fenris says it is odd that I have never thought about having a wedding of my own. “Aw lassies swoom aboot thair waddin!” he tells me. I can’t imagine getting married. I’ve never been close to anyone except for Ryn, and I certainly don’t want to marry him. The closest I ever thought about getting married was thinking about Ryn marrying Lily before she got mean about it. I don’t want either of us to marry someone who would keep Ryn and me separated as she would have.

Sister Mary Maxwell always says I need to be presentable and ready to take care of my future husband’s needs. I don’t want to be a pretty servant for someone like Mr. Harper or Mr. Stewart. I don’t even know what a spinster is and I’d still rather be one if I can’t marry someone who treats me like Dad did Mum.

What even is a spinster? It is such a strange word. And why is it a bad thing? What’s so wrong about not getting married? And why just me? I don’t hear Sister Sarah warning Ryn about becoming a spinster.

Saturday, 15 June 1895

I don’t think I like weddings. I’m glad Ryn was able to come with me. The best part of the wedding was Mr. Harper’s Cullen Skink. I have not eaten so much food at once except on Christmas. The rest of the wedding seemed silly to me, but Beth and Nathaniel looked very happy.

Ryn seemed to like the ceremony but looked jealous of Mr. Fenris. Ryn said Beth looked like a princess. Her dress was very beautiful and her hair was braided up like a crown. My hair is still really short. Stupid Benjamin.

There were many people at the wedding. I didn’t know Mr. Fenris and Miss Harper Mrs. Fenris had so many friends. Some of the faces looked familiar but the only one I knew for sure was Doctor Patterson. His wife was with him but Lily was not.

I wish Nathaniel wasn’t closing his shop next week. Sister Mary Maxwell is having me teach the younger girls again because of it. I don’t know why. Half of them only listen because they think I’m a witch and will curse them. I wish I could, I’m sure that would be easier than teaching them.