Author's Preface
CIELA
“Why did you give him the recording if you didn’t even know who he was?” Signy asks, her voice cutting through the tense silence.
My eyes remain fixed on Jacob as I wait for his answer. I watch him carefully, almost as if I’m hoping he’ll say something that can make all of this easier to understand. But deep down, I already know there is no answer that will undo what has happened. If I had known that sparing Jacob would eventually bring my past back to the surface and tear my life apart all over again, I would have never let him walk away when I had the chance. I would have made sure he ended up unconscious alongside his friends.
The thought makes my stomach twist.
I immediately close my eyes and draw in a long, deep breath, forcing myself to calm down. No. I shouldn’t be thinking like that. I shouldn’t be wishing for something worse to happen to him just because I’m angry. I brought this upon myself. Everything happening now is a consequence of the things I’ve done, and maybe this is what I deserve for crossing the line in the first place.
But even knowing that, I still don’t regret it. Not even a little. I would do anything for my sister. If protecting her means hurting someone else, then I’m more than willing to become the kind of person I once hated.
Jacob looks at me for a few seconds. His expression shifts when our eyes meet, but he quickly looks away and turns his attention toward Signy instead. He swallows before finally answering. “You can’t blame me for that,” he says. “I didn’t need to know that guy personally before giving him the recording. The moment I heard what he wanted to do, there was only one thing running through my head.”
Signy’s eyebrows draw together. “And what was that?”
“Revenge.” Jacob clenches his jaw as though he’s trying to justify himself, even to himself. “When he told me he was going to destroy Ciela, I thought it was my chance to finally get back at her. After everything she did to my friends, I thought…” He pauses, then exhales sharply. “I thought this was the perfect opportunity. I could hurt her the same way she hurt us.”
Huxlee lets out a quiet, humorless laugh from beside me. There is no amusement in it whatsoever. “After everything she did to your friends?” he repeats, shaking his head. “Seriously, Jacob? Your friends did something horrible to her first, and you were part of it. You don’t get to act like you’re completely innocent here. You should be grateful you’re not lying beside your friends in those coma beds right now.”
Jacob’s face tightens. “But what she did was still below the belt,” he argues, his voice becoming more defensive. “We were just messing around! It wasn’t supposed to become this serious!”
A bitter scoff escapes me. I can’t listen to his bullshit anymore. I slowly turn toward him and raise one eyebrow, staring straight into his eyes. “Messing around?”
Jacob goes quiet.
I repeat the words with a bitter laugh, unable to believe he can actually stand there and call it that. “You were just messing around?” My voice trembles, and I hate that it does. I hate that I can already feel the emotions building inside my chest, pressing against my ribs as if they’re desperate to escape.
“If you were just messing around, then I should have been having fun too, right?” I ask. My voice grows louder as I struggle to keep myself together. “I should have laughed along with you. I should have enjoyed every second of it because, apparently, it was all just a joke.” I shake my head, my vision beginning to blur. “But I didn’t, did I?” My voice cracks. “I was hurting.” The words barely come out. I blink several times, but the tears gathering in my eyes refuse to disappear. “I was fucking hurting, Jacob. I felt like I was dying while all of you were treating it like some stupid game.”
Jacob stares at me, but I don’t let him interrupt.
“You guys hurt me first!” I shout, my voice breaking as tears finally spill down my cheeks. “And after everything you did to me, you were planning to hurt my sister too. So tell me, Jacob. What the hell was I supposed to do?” My chest rises and falls rapidly. I wipe at my face, but more tears immediately replace the ones I manage to brush away. “What choice did I have?” I demand, my voice shaking. “You bullied me just because I didn’t like him back! That’s what all of this was about, wasn’t it? I didn’t return his feelings, so suddenly I deserved everything you people did to me?” I let out another broken laugh, but there is nothing funny about it. “Bullshit.”
The word comes out through clenched teeth. For a moment, nobody says anything. The room becomes painfully quiet, and all I can hear is my own uneven breathing. My hands tremble at my sides as I try to hold myself together, but the moment I finally let everything out, I can’t stop the tears anymore.
Then I feel Huxlee’s arms wrap around me. She pulls me into a firm embrace, and the second I feel someone holding me, whatever strength I have left completely disappears. I bury my face against her and sob, allowing all the anger, pain, and frustration I’ve been holding inside for so long to finally spill out.
Damn it. I didn’t want to remember any of that. I didn’t want those memories coming back. I thought I had already buried them deep enough that nothing could ever dig them up again. I wanted to leave them there, buried with everything else I never wanted to face. I didn’t want to see those moments again. I didn’t want to remember how helpless I felt, how much their words affected me, or how badly I wanted everything to stop.
But because of that fucking admin, I have no choice. They dragged everything back into the light. Every memory I desperately tried to bury comes rushing back at once, hitting me so hard that it feels like I’m being pulled back into that same horrible place. It humiliates me all over again. It makes me feel weak all over again. It drags me down to a place I fought so hard to escape.
And now I’m standing here crying because I remember. I hate it. I hate that they can still affect me after everything. But even through all these tears, there is one thing I know for certain. I am not sorry. Not even for a second.
They deserved what happened to them. After everything they did, after everything they tried to take from me and everything they were willing to do to my sister. They fucking deserve it.
And now, that damn admin has given me even more reason to find them.
My fingers curl into fists as I slowly lift my head from Huxlee’s shoulder. My cheeks are wet, my eyes are burning, and my breathing is still unsteady, but the anger underneath my grief is becoming stronger with every passing second.
If the admin thinks they can drag my past back into my life and then walk away without consequences, they’re fucking wrong.
I will find them. I don’t care if the admin is a man or a woman. I don’t care if they’re hiding behind another account, another name, or another person. I don’t care how many people are involved or how far they’re willing to run. I will hunt them down. One by one.
“You should come with us,” Cleovon says after a long, tense silence.
Before Jacob can even react, Cleovon reaches out and grabs one of his arms. Cyprus immediately takes hold of his other arm, leaving Jacob caught between them. The sudden movement makes Jacob’s eyes widen in alarm as he looks from one of them to the other.
“What? W-Why?” Jacob stammers, his voice rising with panic as he tries to pull his arms free. “Let go of me!”
“You’re staying with us until you tell us who the guy that got the video recording from you is,” Cyprus says firmly. His grip remains tight around Jacob’s arm as he stares at him, making it clear that he has no intention of letting him slip away.
“I already told you, I don’t know him!” Jacob protests. He twists his body and struggles against their grip, but neither Cleovon nor Cyprus lets go. “I seriously don’t know who he is! Just let me go!”
“You’re going to help us find him, then,” Signy says calmly. She stands a few steps away with her arms folded across her chest, watching Jacob struggle between the two boys without looking particularly impressed by his protests. After a moment, Signy turns her attention toward me. A small, knowing smile appears on her face as she raises her eyebrows. “Isn’t that right, Ciela?”