Author's Preface
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Chapter 06 - Homicidal Ninja Squirrel
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That's when it hit me.
Literally.
The bitch dropped out of a fucking tree like a homicidal squirrel, weapon raised over her head.
What the fuck is that?
Wait...
Is that a - uhm
....shit!
Bloody hell...
What the hell is that thing called?
...
A Sai.
That's right.
It's a fucking Sai.
WHY THE FUCK DOES SHE HAVE A SAI?!
WHO JUST CARRIES A SAI AROUND?!
Luckily, I dodged that bitch.
Unfortunately, she took that personally.
One second, she was trying to turn my skull into a decorative bowl, and the next she'd decided my left side would have to suffer instead.
Bitch downgraded from my brain to my kidney!
My kidney!
How dare she demote one of my vital organs?!
Oh great, now she elegantly twirled around to face me.
Looking at her stance, she is ready to pounce again.
Fuck this shit.
I thought I picked up a freaking hitchhiking schoolgirl.
Turns out I got a fucking ninja!
Launching towards me again?!
Fucking bitch!
Try to dodge my fucking axe, you damn bitch!
...
And great.
Just great.
She dodges.
Of course she dodges.
Why wouldn't the homicidal ninja squirrel dodge my slow swing?
Now the bitch is low to the ground and decided my crus will have to pay for my swing.
Fuck her!
Bloody hell!
My leg has been convicted because I decided to strike her!
Fucking whore!
That was an overreaction!
Oh great.
Now I am on the ground.
On my back.
And...
And...
What the fuck...
Why the fuck is this cunt on top of me and getting close and personal?!
"Tee-hee... old man has fallen and can't get up!"
What the fuck!!
Did you...
Did you just...
Did you just quote an outdated elders commercial?!
You fucking piece of—
The bitch looks down on me and with a smirk says,
"Old man loves to ramble off, don't you?"
...
So, the fucking bitch has a dagger or...
Wait...
A blade...
is that a Blade?
It's too small to be a dagger...
Then again...
Is there a difference between a blade and dagger?
WHAT THE FUCK!!
Dante!
Stop getting sidetracked!
This fucking Ninja Squirrel is about to cut your throat open, and you are here laying in the grass like a weak little bitch debating about knife classification?!
You stupid!
Breathe Dante, BREATHE!!
Inhale and exhale.
Twats who begin to panic lose the fight and I REFUSE to be a twat!
I can't let this bitch conquer me like that.
The spec...
Who the fuck -
No.
Fuck.
Calm down.
BREATHE!!
Alright then...
The bitch is good, but she made the mistake.
She's in my striking zone and the bitch doesn't realize that I also have a knife on my side.
Let's see how she likes getting STABBED!!!
The bitch looks utterly unbothered as she cheers,
"Woo, you seem to be more calmer than before. Did your lil' tantrum leave you, old man?"
.............what the fuck?
What is happening?
I stabbed her...
I know I stabbed her!
Yes...
The blade is in her side.
Still jabbed in...
So...
What the fuck?
Why is the cunt having no reaction?
The bitch tilts her head.
"What's the matter? You seem like you're about to have a mid-life crisis. But from the look of you, this isn't your first time."
BITCH!!
What's the matter with ME?!
What's the matter with YOU?!
You utter bitch!
Are you so utterly brain dead not to notice you got stabbed?!
AND...
......................
Did you...
Did you just pull out the blade?!
YOU STUPID DUMBASS?!
The bitch is one of a kind, she just looks at the blade with excitement and with a puzzled face, like her face gone bipolar.
Kali with excitement grab my knife like she just won a prize
"Oh neat.
A new...
Box cutter?"
BITCH!!
That is a limited edition Word War 2 folding knife!
How dare you call it a box cutter!!
She immediately just puts her hand in her mouth in an annoying, cute girl way as she side-eyes me JUST TO TEASE ME.
".........so, you ARE old!!"
You BITCH!!
I AM NOT OLD!
I just like collecting antiques and that's besides the point!
What the fuck are you?!
You get stabbed and you don't react!
That's not normal!
The bitch laughs.
"HAHAHAHAHA!
Normal?!
Says the man with the 'limited edition World War 2 folding knife.'
Such a fake piece of garbage."
YOU CUNT!!
It's real!
Then she just had to finish me off, didn't she?
She pauses and then bluntly says,
".............Welcome to Las Vegas?"
......................................................
I am going to slice that vendor's throat after I am done here.
As I was plotting my next kill, bitch just decided to own my cheap ass shit and cheerfully announced,
"Well regardless, now I have a cheap ass overvalued toy to hurt you with."
....................
She is still bleeding.
The fucking bitch...
Either she is pretending it doesn't hurt...
Or...
She can't feel pain.
.........fuck me.