Chapter 24 – Retired Revelations
Waking up to the sounds of birdsong and church bells and the sight of the sun shining through the window made something in Danni’s brain insist, for just a moment, that everything was alright. That Joey was alive and there wasn’t a stranger running his shop down the street. But, moment by moment, blink by blink, that peaceful thought turned sour in her mouth and she rolled over in bed. She didn’t want to get up. She didn’t want to move. She just wanted to lie there, amongst the sheets warmed by her own body heat, smelling of the expensive laundry powder Tawney had kept under the sink, the stiffness of the packaging long gone after almost a month of having a living breathing person sleeping in it. Leaning up on her arms, she reached out and her fingers traced over the headboard.
Two trees, lovingly carved out of the beautiful amber wood, their branches reaching out to meet in the middle above her head, framing the sleeper. It was a rare moment that she could remember her dreams, but she liked to imagine, moreso wish, that she would see animals, squirrels, badgers, foxes, stags, even deer running between the trees, flitting in and out of sight. What would that look like? She almost wished that she could find a beautiful forest around here, somewhere she could take a blanket, a picnic, a book and wait for nature to reveal itself around her. If you wanted to find that in London, you had to take the underground, then pray the weather would be nice enough, that people hadn’t decided to take their dogs or their kids to the park that day. If you wanted to get a snack, the prices could be horrendous and that was if the stands were even open on that day.
Sliding out of bed, Danni dressed in a hazel shaded long sleeved, V-neck shirt and black jeans. Call it a basic colour, she certainly did, but it went well with everything that she wore. She had never had the money nor the interest in making herself look good, preferring comfort and whilst she was here, she had to admit that it was a relief to look around and realise that she was not the outlier here. Everyone here wore what was comfortable, not what was stylish. It was a relief to run a brush through her hair, push her glasses onto her face, grab the keys and head downstairs, bag in hand and step into Joey’s boots. She didn’t think that she would ever have the heart to stop thinking of them like that.
She paused only long enough to retrieve the strawberries from the fridge, thinking that she would take them to the vicar. She had a brand-new theory that she wanted to present to him and see what he thought about, as well as see if he had made any progress on that game. That was what she told herself. It had nothing to do with visiting Joey’s grave… nothing at all. The moment she stepped out onto the road, her foot sank into a pile of sodden, slippery leaves that reminded her why she didn’t take the bike. Hopefully, that would be the worst part of this day. That hope carried her down the road to the church, held close like the strawberries she gingerly carried under her arm, warming her from the inside. Walking up the lane leading up past the graves was like wading through a swamp of leaves that threatened to soak through her boots, but they held firm. If they ever wore out, Danni didn’t know what she would do.
Before she could turn the corner that she knew would lead towards the Vicar’s living space, she spotted a figure hunched over one of the graves. Who… who was that? Natural curiosity took over, leading her feet past the house. The closer she came, the more recognisable the person became, though their hunched frame kept her from seeing their face first. But there was no ignoring the look of the woman who had looked ready to spit thunder at her for almost running her over with her bike.
“Widow Samuels?” Danni hadn’t meant to say it. The words had escaped her without her realising it and before she could clamp her jaws shut, the old woman had lifted her face up to look at her.
“Oh… it’s you. The bike berserker.” She grumbled, getting to her feet and Danni noticed that there was a large checkered blanket underneath her. Was she having a picnic here?
“I… I’m sorry. I mean it, I’m really sorry… I made a horrible mistake that day and I know that I can never make up for it. I am truly sorry for… almost… running you down…” This time, Danni knew what she was saying and how painfully weak her apology sounded in her owns. Widow Samuels lifted a single slender eyebrow as she looked her up and down, taking in the coat she’d wrapped herself in, her boots, her bag. Then she recalled something someone had said what felt like an age ago. “And… to show my sincerity,” she held the strawberries out towards the old woman. “I brought these for you. I heard that you liked them.”
All at once, the old woman’s demeanour changed with the swiftness of flicking on a light.
“All is forgiven my dear! Come, come! Sit down with me. We’ll share!” Automatically, Danni’s knees bent and she sank down to sit beside the woman on her haunches. From within her overcoat, the Widow removed a large thermos that looked more like a small bucket than what her parents would carry their morning coffee in. She poured something dark and sweet-smelling from within into a pair of cups, offering one that was still steaming to Danni.
“Thank you! You didn’t have to share this…” She sniffed at the cup, her mouth immediately beginning to water at the smell of chocolate wafting up from within. “Is this hot chocolate?” She asked in atonishment.
“Were you expecting coffee?” The widow asked with a surprisingly teasing lilt to her voice. “Or tea? Chamomile, maybe?”
“I don’t know what I was expecting, but not this. It smells delicious.” Danni replied, watching the widow work. From somewhere within the voluminous depths of her coat, she had pulled out a knife and set about to removing all the stems from the strawberries, offering a share to Danni which she happily took.
“Try this.” The Widow demonstrated dipping the strawberries into the thick, warm liquid and biting it in half with apparent relish.
Danni copied her, the combination bringing a rash of goosebumps up all over her body. It was delicious!
“This is fantastic!” She praised, licking her lips. There was an indescribable mix of flavours happening in her mouth, the richness of the chocolate melding beautifully with the sweet tartness of the strawberries. Why had she never tried it before? “How did you discover such a— Oh.” She had realised what was written on the gravestone they were crouched before.
Martin Samuels
1935-2020
Beloved friend, adoring father and dearly missed husband
Underneath it, there was a second name
To Daisy Samuels
1985
You were born with eyes closed
“I’m so sorry…” Danni breathed. She wished that she could have brought flowers or something. But she hadn’t realised nor foresaw that she would be sitting here amongst the graves of the fallen.
“Martin and I were childhood sweethearts but it took us a while for us to come together. In truth, from the moment I saw him, I wanted to poke his eyes out. He had this awful mischievous way of looking at a situation that told you he’d either make it worse or solve it in one fell swoop. It felt like he was always trying to outdo everyone… including me.”
“I take it that you weren’t a fan of that.”
“I hated it. Hated every second if it. I would get top marks on a test, he’d outdo me on the next one. I’m sure that if our schools hadn’t been separated, I would have surely screamed myself hoarse at him.”
“You went to separate schools? Then… how did you know that he was beating you in the tests?”
“They would put them up on the bulletin boards, our schools may have been on different sites, but they were part of the same group, I guess you could say. Like how there are these upper and lower sites nowadays.”
“I see, so they were more like brother and sister sites?”
“Indeed. The two would compete over everything… Until…” The Widow’s face took on sombre look with what looked like yearning underneath it. Danni didn’t need a dictionary to know what was going on in her mind.
“The war broke out?”
“We were children and… terrified. Every day, the radios would crackle with news of the worst, of soldiers, of borders being crossed, drawn and redrawn. When the bombing raids began, all rivalries were abandoned and we became close to family that day. We would share rations, play games, even have ‘sleep-ins’ when it was too dangerous to try and venture home. I think that the site where the boy’s school once was still has the shelter they set up. It’s somewhat embarrassing but we fell in love amongst that carnage. One day, it was my turn to collect coal from the shed and I heard this great awful buzzing, like a hive of angry wasps only so much worse. Do you know what a Doodlebug is, girl?”
Danni wanted to bristle at being referred to as ‘Girl’ but kept her mouth shut. She was enraptured by this burgeoning love story. “I think I do… the original ballistic missile, right?”
“The sound that haunts me to this day. I can’t stand the sound of those phones buzzing because something in my mind tells me its one of those accursed blue bottoms.”
“Blue bottoms?”
“They were blue underneath? Whilst we were sheltering, we would see who could come up with the worst name to call them, without getting in trouble of course. My favourite was ‘Blue Bottom’. But back to what I was saying, I heard a Doodlebug coming and I swear, I was like a deer in headlamps! Frozen still.”
“I think you mean ‘headlights’.” Danni couldn’t imagine a deer being stunned by a headlamp.
“Yes, that! I was stock still, lumps of coal spilling out the bucket I was holding and that was where Martin found me. He didn’t say a word, he didn’t have to, he just grabbed me around the waist and sprinted towards the shelter. I swear, I had never heard such a commotion as I did that night. It seemed to go on like a thunderstorm, the earth never stopped shaking until I finally fell asleep right there in his arms. We were surrounded by our classmates, my friends couldn’t have been more than 5 metres from me and all I could think about was his aftershave. He had never let go of me, you see. We were crammed together all night, unable to let each other go, sure that one moment we would hear an engine cut out, open our eyes and wake up in oblivion.”
“That’s horrible…”
“It was… but it has a silver lining. We saved each other that night.”
“Saved… each other?”
“He later told me that my breathing was all that kept him sane that night. Every time he would think of his mother or brother or his father, who was away on the battlefield at the time, he would feel my breathing against him and feel safer.”
Danni had to stop to quell the tears rising from her eyes. The story was just so beautiful, but she had cried too much already.
“It’s… it’s so beautiful.” She reached in her pockets, and her heart sank when she touched the lavender packet.
“Here, girl. Dry your eyes.” The widow extended a tissue to her which Danni took gratefully.
“That was beautiful…” Danni repeated, dabbing at her eyes and blowing her nose.
“Yes… we went into that school as rivals, but left as close as two people can be.”
“So what does that have to do with… this.”
“Well as you can guess, our schools were boarding schools, and our parents would not allow us to ‘date’ until we had properly courted. As they were negotiating the arrangement, we would sneak out. The only place close enough for us to return to the house in time and still have some privacy was the nearby graveyard. I would bring the strawberries, he would bring the hot chocolate and we would spend hours sitting amongst the graves. We would talk endlessly there and even after we had been given our parent’s blessing and married, we continued the tradition. All the way until…”
“Was… it…?” The memory of those long days spent in her room, able to see the world beyond her room but the isolation seeming to seep down into her very bones, was cold and sharp, like a blade forged from ice.
“Yes. It seems to be my lot. I lost my grandmother to the Spanish flu, my mother to Asian flu and my husband to that detestable COVID. But we must carry on. Up from the ashes as they say. “
“Grow the roses of success… or is it love in this case?”
“You would be correct in this case.” Danni consumed some more hot chocolate and several more strawberries before she spoke again., all the while keeping her eye on the approaching clouds. Since they had started talking and from the moment the Widow had shared her story, something had plagued her mind. But before she could give it voice, a hard wind blew through the graveyard, blowing back her hair and seeming to seep even through her coat.
“How can you stand to be out here when it’s so cold? I’m ready to run inside.” Danni whined as soon as the wind had passed.
“I have a secret.” The widow teased, reaching again into her coat. Just how big was that thing? It seemed to have pockets within pockets and space for everything and the kitchen sink!
“Here dear. Take one of these.” Into Danni’s hand, the widow placed a small packet that she thought was a snack at first. Then she realised how warm it was!
“Heat packs? That’s how?”
“I may be old, but I’m not one to ignore future developments and achievements. I’m not about to start hauling around a hot water bottle, so these do just fine for me.” Widow Samuels explained. Danni tucked it underneath her shirt, secretly tucking it into her bra. She expected to have to endure a burn, but this was toasty, downright cozy.
“What do you do in the summer if you don’t mind my asking?”
Widow Samuels gestured her closer and whispered something in her ear that made Danni turn bright red.
“Doesn’t that get a little… drafty?”
The old Widow threw her head back and cackled, actually cackled!
“You sound like Martin!”
Danni could only stare at this woman. She had believed that she was a holy terror, acting as a hunched boogie-woman, like a Baba-Yaga like figure who sent men shivering and children running. Instead, she was so much more.
“So… uh… May I ask you a few things?” Danni asked, drinking some more chocolate and sighing.
“I know what you’re going to ask and before you do, I’d like to ask a few things of you.”
Danni paused for a moment. What was she about to ask? Was this a quid pro quo situation? Or something else? The old woman’s wrinkled face, her dazzling blue eyes, her sly, careful, calculating smile was a mask, impossible to read.
“What… are they?”
“First, I’d like to ask you to call me Anna. It’s my name after all and I believe that yours is… Something beginning with D, correct?”
“Danni, I know it’s an odd name.”
“But it’s your name. Take pride in that.”
Why did that refrain sound familiar?
“Next, I would ask that you agreed to move on from a topic of conversation if it upsets me. I will have the same amount of respect for you. Neither of us deserve to be caught in awkward situations because there are things we are comfortable in explaining yet.”
“Of course.” It was no wonder that this woman was so feared around here. She was pretty damn sharp!
“Lastly, I suggest we take this back to my place. These heat packs are nice, but I can only stand to be here for so long before my knees put me in a truly bad mood.”
“Are you sure? I mean, my place is closer…” Danni offered.
“I find that honesty comes easier when I am in a place of comfort and that place is my house.” The widow… Anna, explained sagely.
Burning curiosity won out in the end. Danni rose to her feet and held out a hand for the older woman, only to find herself being shaken away. Instead, she reached around for a walking stick. Except what she pulled out was not the walking stick Danni had come to know, far from it. This looked more akin to a club!
“Like my Shillelagh? A gift from my husband, bless him.” Anna explained, balancing her weight upon the stick with all the majesty of an aged wizard.
“A… what?”
“It’s a Scottish thing dear. We travelled all along those these wonderful British Isles and through most of Europe. One thing that I was determined to find was a Shillelagh whilst we toured Edinburgh, but for the life of me, I couldn’t find one! Turns out, the sneaky bugger who’d placed a ring around my finger had been scheming against me all this time. He kept me away from all the stands that might sell one because he was planning on giving me one as a gift!”
“I’m starting to like and fear him more and more, I can’t lie.” Danni remarked, eyeing the stick warily. Anna cackled again and, after they had cleared away the remains of their picnic, she led the way past the stones.