As I landed on the cold marble floor, being thrown to the ground by a green equivalent of a Schwarzenegger, my health bar flickered in the corner of my vision. Thankfully the value didn't move so I was still at full health, although my body and ego would certainly disagree with that assumption.
The incense was even stronger inside. It filled my nose and throat with that sickly sweet smell from before. Every breath I was trying to take filled my lungs with a mix of herbs and that odor I couldn't name. It smelled like old churches that even God would forget to visit on some Sundays.
I tried getting up a bit to see what was in front of me, but a large hand quickly grabbed my head and put me to the ground again.
"Hey, easy there big guy. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be looking at."
My face almost kissed the ground and I was close enough to see the distorted reflection of my face in the perfectly clean marble.
Man, I looked like shit. My hair was stuck to my forehead and there was some blood still stuck to my face from that self-inflicted hit. I didn't even know it was there, but even if I knew, I wouldn't have had a chance to clean myself.
I got up again, just very slightly to not get my face pushed through to the floor below. The big hand resisted, but I got myself in a position that was comfortable enough to at least not get cramps. I looked at the reflections in the marble as now I could see some more. All the goblins were holding their heads low, not looking at what was in front of us. I could only assume that they had taken me to the throne room and I was in the presence of their king or queen or whatever they had decided on.
The important-looking goblin got up from his knees, still keeping his head low and moved forward. He stopped after a few steps and started talking in his own tongue. There was a response from above, their voice rather harsh and he seemed to enunciate parts of his speech, as if he was letting his sibilants linger. A few exchanged sentences later, the goblin that ordered me out of the cell moved back and the one he was talking to loudly called out.
Quick footsteps echoed through the room and heavy panting accompanied them. As the sound got closer, I could see in the reflection that it was a small, frail-looking goblin rushing through the hall with his head down and a book that was almost the size of him. He ran past me and answered the call. A goblin voice barked something from above and the little one moved again. He stopped right beside me and spoke up:
"You are humie. You speak the humie common language?"
Would you look at that, a goblin I could speak to.
"Yeah, I do speak common."
The goblin opened his book and sifted through it. A moment later he spoke up again.
"State your birth call sign."
"The what? You want to know my horoscope or something?"
The goblin ignored the question and looked into his book intensely.
"Your birth name. State it humie."
"Well you should have said so the first time. My name is Kai, your royal smallness."
The goblin didn't look into his book this time. He looked to the side and said something in his goblinish and the big goblin pushed my head right into the marble. I hit it right with my nose and I felt something shifting in there. He picked my head up by the hair and a small pool of blood had already formed with more dripping from my nose. My health bar now showed 7/10.
"Consider this a warning humie. Respect the Fortunate One or die."
Shit, I pushed my luck too far this time. Not like I had a lot to push though.
The goblin that had translated before stepped right in front of me. He carefully avoided my blood and cleared his throat.
"You stand accused before the Stone Seat of the Fortunate One."
"And what's the charge your highness? Being kidnapped?"
The goblin pushed my head again, much lighter this time but I could still feel it in my spine. If it went for much longer that fucker would break me in half.
"You stand accused," he continued, louder this time, "of killing two sons of Grakhtul. Members of the hunting company of High Collector Vrazzik."
High Collector Vrazzik? That must have been this fancy-looking goblin that I saw riding on the wannabe beetle and the one that led me here. He didn't look much like a warrior to me, much more like a tax collector or something. What was he collecting then? Creatures living on the outside? Humans?
"Hold on, that's a serious accusation. Who's saying I killed someone? And even if I did it was in self-defense, I was attacked first."
The translator goblin said something and the hall filled with snarls of every goblin that was around to witness my prosecution. The big one tightened his hold of my head as if he was considering crushing my skull right here, right now.
【HELLO KAI】
Oh, good. The useless rectangle decided to show up.
The panel appeared low enough that I could see it while my face was still pressed to the marble. That was thoughtful of her.
【YOU SEEM TO BE IN LEGAL TROUBLE】
No shit.
【I WOULD SUGGEST NOT MAKING IT WORSE】
I stared at the glowing words.
"And what would actually make it worse? I'm probably going to die anyway so I might at least make it quick and get some insults going to those green shitlings."
【THAT IS NOT YET CERTAIN KAI】
"No? Well you don't really have a great track record with your predictions Alea. Wasn't I supposed to be eaten or something? Why would you even say this then? Sakhia told me they don't eat humans."
【THAT IS TRUE】
【GOBLINS USUALLY DO NOT EAT HUMAN MEAT】
"Usually? What does that mean? Are we a specialty to eat during Christmas or whatever the hell they celebrate?"
【NO】
【YOUR AVERAGE GOBLIN WOULD NOT EAT A HUMAN】
【YOU ARE IN A PRESENCE OF SOME THAT DO】
"Now that's not the best thing to hear in my situation, don't you think Alea?"
【YOU ARE IN A BETTER SITUATION THAN YOU WERE BEFORE】
【RIGHT NOW YOU ARE BEING JUDGED】
【YOU HAVE A CHANCE TO SURVIVE】
【JUST PLAY ALONG KAI】
"Well thanks for that revolutionary advice Alea."
Before I finished responding, Alea was already gone.
The translator goblin leaned down a little.
"You speak?"
"To myself. It's a human thing. Very healthy. Prevents schizophrenia."
The hall erupted again.
The goblin nearest to the throne shouted something from above. His voice cracked halfway through as he tried rolling his "S" for longer than he could. I would have laughed if my face wasn't currently half broken and I couldn't risk the other half.
The translator listened, nodded a few times, then turned back to me.
"Grand Collector says you murdered two hunters during lawful collection."
"Lawful collection of what? Me?"
"Yes."
"That doesn't sound lawful. What am I? Some kind of prey to be hunted?"
The goblin translated and the hall erupted again. I felt some spit hitting my back.
"Listen," I said, my voice muffled through the broken nose. "They attacked me first. I appeared in the forest. One of them put a spear next to my face. What was I supposed to do? Get myself killed so your grand collector could have a new specimen on his wall?"
The translator spoke in goblin. His words were quicker than mine and probably much less flattering. The answer from above came fast and harsh.
"Grand Collector says you appeared on hunting ground."
"I appeared from the sky!"
The translator repeated that. The hall got quiet again but whispers rose quickly among the crowd. Even the big fellow seemed puzzled as his grip lessened from my head. The translator frantically turned the pages of his trusty book when a voice quietly filled the whole room. Every goblin I could see dropped down to their knees and bowed their heads as low as they could.
But it wasn't much of a voice. Something about it made me want to look away, which made no sense, you can't look away from a sound. It was gravelly, coarse and dry, like it was spoken by someone that didn't have any water to drink for months or maybe even longer. There was something physically wrong with it, a voice like that shouldn't be made by nature.
One goblin moved closer to where the voice originated. He spoke softly, this time his sibilants were as short as they should be. He whispered and whispered but the voice would not answer. He moved again and called out to the translator, who, still on his knees, moved towards him. A few words were exchanged and the translator moved back to me.
"What did big chair say?" - I whispered to the translator.
He didn't answer me. He just stared right into my eyes with his own and I could see that the thought of actually translating what I had said was causing him real, physical pain.
Good. At least I wasn't the only one suffering in this room.
"You will not call the Fortunate One a chair," he said quietly.
"I whispered that to you."
"Everyone here heard you."
I looked around, or at least tried to look around as much as my current floor-inspecting position allowed me. Most of the goblins still had their heads low, but I saw a couple of small movements in the marble reflection. Some shoulders moved. Some heads twitched.
They did hear me.
Well shit.
"Then maybe they shouldn't be listening to private conversations." - I whispered even quieter.
The translator closed his eyes for a moment and his whole body trembled, as if he was begging every god he knew to give him strength. I had that effect on people sometimes. Most of the time actually.
The dry voice sounded again. It was a short sentence, but every word seemed to scratch the air. The translator immediately bowed his head even lower and answered. A moment later he turned back to me.
"The Fortunate One asks how you came from the sky."
"I told you, I fell."
"From where?"
"Up."
The big hand on the back of my head twitched again.
"Don't do that, don't do that, I'm answering." - I quickly added. "I don't know from where. I was somewhere else and then I was here. I hit the ground and got a spear shoved near my face by one of your little green boys."
The translator repeated what I said.
As he spoke, the whispering in the room grew louder and louder. I could hear the word that sounded like "sky" repeated a couple of times in their goblinish. Or maybe it meant "kill him". For my own mental comfort, I decided it meant sky.
The Fortunate One spoke again. This time the room went completely still. Even the Grand Collector, who I could see as a stretched golden smear in the marble, stopped moving.
The translator swallowed. His throat bobbed like he had just been sentenced with me.
"The Fortunate One asks if you are blessed by the sky."
"Blessed? Do I look blessed to you?"
The goblin looked me up and down. My nose was bleeding, my face was glued to the floor and I still probably looked like a million dollars.
"No."
He translated. A few goblins hissed something and one of them chuckled. Maybe I was winning them over and they would let me go?
The Fortunate One spoke again, longer this time. His voice dragged across the hall and made the small hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I had no idea what he looked like, but by the sound alone I imagined an old, wrinkly and probably colorless goblin as all the pigmentation had left him by his hundredth birthday.
The translator listened with his eyes fixed to the ground. He nodded three times and turned to me.
"The Fortunate One accepts skyfall."
"Good."
"The Fortunate One rejects self defense."
"Bad."
"The Fortunate One recognizes blood price."
"Very bad."
The Grand Collector made a satisfied sound. I couldn't see him properly, but I could feel the smugness radiating from him.
"Two sons of Grakhtul killed. Two prices owed. Grand Collector Vrazzik holds the claim."
"Yeah, but what exactly is the price? Because I don't have money. I don't even know what you use for money? Coins, paper or some stones?"
The translator translated. The Grand Collector answered almost immediately. His voice was smoother than the others. Still ugly, still goblin, but there was something polished in it.
The translator looked at me and I already knew by his smug little grin that he was satisfied with what the Grand one proposed.
"Grand Collector says he will accept flesh."
My stomach tightened.
"Flesh as in labor, right?"
"No."
"Flesh as in metaphorical debt?"
"No."
"Flesh as in flesh?"
"Yes."
Alea, you rectangular bitch, you could come back right about now.
Nothing.
Of course.
When I needed her to tell me that I was in danger, she would show up with a whole glowing lecture. When someone officially requested permission to turn me into lunch, suddenly she had plans.
The Fortunate One spoke again and the translator turned to him immediately. Grand Collector Vrazzik answered right after, much louder this time. Another goblin joined in, then another, and for a few seconds the throne room turned into what I could only describe as a goblin council arguing about the ethical ways of eating me.
I never thought I would miss limbo bureaucracy, but at least Luciel didn't threaten to season me.
Finally, the Fortunate One raised his voice.
It wasn't much louder than before, but it cut through all the goblin talking instantly. The room died. The translator dropped to his knees so fast his book slammed against the floor. He listened, nodded, then turned towards me.
"The Fortunate One refuses flesh claim."
I breathed out so hard I almost coughed blood all over the marble.
"Oh, I like him now."
"Silence."
"Yes, yes, very silent."
"The Fortunate One says skyfall is matter of fortune. Fortune cannot be butchered before it is tested."
I blinked a few times.
"That sounds... promising?"
"It is old law."
"Old law is good. I'm a big fan of old law. Very traditional. Very respectable."
Vrazzik shouted something. For the first time, his smooth tone cracked. He sounded pissed.
Good.
The Fortunate One answered with one word.
That was enough. Vrazzik went silent.
The translator stood up again, still keeping his head down.
"Blood price remains."
I looked at the small pool of my own blood before me and the still dripping nosebleed. That was nothing. That was the part they let me keep.