“Now keep your eyes wide open and pay attention to the minute details,” Adi mimicked our beloved accounting professor, putting emphasis on the ‘t’s, and I laughed.
“This problem is going to be very irritating,” I followed suit, and we both laughed.
Adi and I usually went home together after class, because one, we lived pretty close to each other and two, it was quite a hassle to find a sharing auto at 9:30pm. And our favourite pastime as we stood in the queue waiting for our turn, was mimicking our favourite professors.
“Damn bro I miss him,” Adi said after a while, and I felt it too. We all knew we were going to miss Professor Dev the most out of all the faculty.
“Yaa at least let's miss him,” I replied, “cause we aren't really missing the subject too much, are we?”
“Ehh, I don't know. I kind of like accounts now that he's the one who taught…”
I momentarily got distracted from what Adi was saying when I saw her. And I could have sworn she was literally glowing.
In a yellow sundress and a black denim jacket, long and curly hair left open, she descended the stairs of the station bridge like a butterfly briefly touching down on the flowers in its path.
And she was looking at me.
She was smiling at me.
Not her usual, dull smile, but a full, real one that reached her eyes. It was my first time actually seeing her smile like that.
And something might have shifted deep within my heart, but the world doesn't need to know.
She stopped right in front of us, and looked straight at me.
“Zara?” I smiled at her, and she grabbed my elbow gently. My heart skipped a beat there.
She had never touched me like that.
She had never touched me at all.
“Vivaan,” she said, and damn, had I ever heard her voice before cause right now she sounded heart meltingly warm.
She turned towards Adi while still holding my arm, “I'm sorry Aditya, I'm gonna steal your friend for a little bit,” she stated, and Adi just looked perplexed.
Obviously, he had never talked to Zara. Almost no one in class had, cause she always kept to herself.
“But where?” I managed to find my voice and finally ask, to which Zara replied.
“It's sort of urgent, let me tell you about it as we go,” and with that, she was dragging me out of the queue and across the street.
After two minutes of walking in silence, we ended up at the entrance of a commercial building named Accord Classic. Zara gestured us to get in, but I stopped.
“Seriously Zara, where are we going?” I asked again, but she didn't answer. Her gaze poured into mine for longer than I can remember, as the starlight made her entire figure shine.
Oh God, she's beautiful.
She took a step towards me, and held her hand out.
“Do you trust me?”
Four words.
Four words were all it took for her to take control of me.
Did I trust her?
She was the only compass to the broken, hopeless, lifeless pirate’s emotions etched within my soul, and she asked me if I trusted her?
To hell with it. Even if it was God himself who told me she would betray me, I would still trust her.
For better or for worse.
I put my hand into hers, and we went into the building together. She led and I followed her through the flights of steps, seemingly leading to the stars.
And again, she almost flew up the stairs, with no effort, while I was already struggling to keep up with the pace.
We ended up in the empty car park on the third level and she slid my bag off my back, dropping it down with hers. She held my hand and took me to one of the open frames on the glass wall that overlooked the station. Through the open gap, we stepped onto the ledge, me, slightly afraid of falling, while her, carefree.
“Look up Vivaan, don't you think it's beautiful?” Zara’s smooth voice knocked me out of my reverie and I finally looked up at the vision in front of me.
Stars decorating the sky, tall skyscrapers making patterns of light, the huge dome of the train station illuminating the whole area, it looked amazing.
“It is,” I said, and I looked at her. What I was expecting to see was her eyes shining as she took in the magical aura of our view. What I wasn't expecting, though, was her eyes shining as they stared back into mine.
“This used to be my safe space,” she said, not breaking eye contact as she raised our hands, still held into each other's, “and now it's yours.”
I smiled. I couldn't believe she was being so vulnerable with me, I couldn't believe she finally trusted me enough to let that happen.
“You wanna know a secret?” she asked as her hand slowly slipped out of mine.
“I wanna know everything,” I replied, and she chuckled, which may or may not have made my muscles tense just a little bit.
She is so beautiful I want to cry.
She raised her hand up to my face and touched my cheek with her palm. I easily leaned into her touch, as if it was meant to be.
“I sort of hate you for caring for me so much,” she started, “you've cared in a way no one else did. No matter what, you always know when I'm feeling low. You always find a way to make me smile, to make me laugh. All your efforts, all your little gestures, it makes me feel loved. Loved in a sort of way I never thought I was capable of being loved...” She trailed off, her gaze fixed on the dazzling night sky, like she couldn't dare to look into my eyes.
“I know you only think of me as a friend,” she continued, and something deep inside me writhed a little in pain, “I appreciate it, but my stupid stupid heart, the things it makes me feel isn't in my control. I never wanted to lose you as a friend, but before I knew it, I was falling for you, hard and fast. My instant reaction was to shut you out, ’cause I would have ended up hurting myself if I got addicted to the feeling of being cared for, and what if suddenly one day you stopped? What if you never talked to me again? What if I keep falling deep into this feeling, while all you ever felt for me had always been platonic? What if I allowed myself to love you, but it was never the same for you?” She was still avoiding my eyes, as if she was scared I would know something she didn't want me to.
“I couldn't bring myself to believe that the only person who cares for me, keeps me company when the dark thoughts threaten to take over, sees right through my every action, knows why I react the way I do even better than myself, the only person my heart could ever unconditionally love, doesn't love me back.” She finished, and somehow, my heart broke into more pieces than there were stars in the sky. It hurt so much listening to her, such a strong and reserved person, talk her heart out to me, confide in me. She deemed me, of all people, important enough to share so much with. I had no idea she had hidden so much pain behind her stern facade, that she was hurting so much, and some of it was because of me.
Her hand reached my cheek as she caught a sole teardrop by her thumb and wiped it off, slowly slipping her hand into my hair.
“I always wondered how your curly hair feels to the skin,” she said as she ran her hand through it, “and I've wondered what cologne you use,” she stepped closer, breathing in my scent, “I've wondered if you ever liked me,” she looked away, and back again, “wondered how you would hold me if I had let you in earlier,” a sound of regret punctuated her voice, her eyes peered into mine, “wondered how you look without glasses,” she proceeded to remove them from my face, and I let her, without hesitation. Her breathing fanned my face, as her gaze dropped down to my lips, “how your lips felt against—”
I did not let her finish the sentence, as I pressed my lips gently on hers, kissing her with everything I had felt for her in these last two months. I held her arms tenderly, caressing her as her fingers slid into my hair once again, a tear escaping the confines of her eyes.
And just like that, passion overtook compassion, the sweet and gentle kiss turned fierce and hungry, like we were both starved too long for a feeling like this. For a love like this. She moaned as more tears cascaded down her face, and I suddenly had the urge to crush everything that had caused her pain.
After what felt like forever but still too short, she parted away from me, leaving me breathless. She rested her forehead on mine as I wiped away her tears.
“Why are you crying, love?” I asked, my voice nothing more than a shaking whisper.
“I love you,” she sniffed, “but…”
My heart sank.
“But?” I questioned, only to be met by silence.
“Zara? Zara I love you too, please,” I begged her for a response, hoping she wouldn't break my heart all over again.
“I…” she whispered, “I'm not real Vivaan,” she cried and stepped back, and out of my arms. She left a void within me as she stepped away.
“W-what?” I choked out finally, confused.
“They'll find me soon, somewhere down the train tracks,” she said, “I don't have much time.”
She held my hands, and turned me towards the open gap in the glass wall, her towards the edge, mere inches from falling. Yet, she had no fear on her features.
“Stop it! You'll fall!” I panicked, holding her hands tightly.
“It wouldn't matter,” she smiled her brightest smile at me, “I'm already dead.”
“What are you—”
“I jumped off the train, Vivaan,” she declared, “I'm already dead. I'm just a shadow.”
A tornado of questions and an ominous sense of dread clouded my mind.
This wasn't right. She had to be joking. She was safe. She was right here in front of my eyes.
She was not dead.
“No… I… you're…” I struggled to even make a complete sentence. Fresh tears had replaced the ones I had wiped on her face.
“I doubt that anyone would remember me,” she looked away, “but I hope you do. I hope you remember this, and I hope you remember us. Forever.” With a smile on her face and tears on her cheeks, she pushed me into the safety of the building, stepping back herself.
“ZARA!” I yelled as she fell into the darkness.
And nothing.
No screams, no noise, no commotion.
“ZARA!” I called again, walking to the edge, falling onto my knees and looking down.
Nothing.
She had disappeared.
No.
I strode back into the building, stumbling and tripping on my own feet, landing on my elbows. I got back up and went to where Zara had placed our bags.
The air knocked out of my lungs.
My bag was right there, just where she had dropped it.
But hers was no longer there.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I grabbed it, fumbling with it for a while before noticing that Adi had been calling me.
“H-hello,” I answered, my voice hoarse. I couldn't believe what had just happened. One second she was there, kissing me passionately, the next, she fell off the building and disappeared without a trace.
“They found a body on the tracks, Vivaan,” Adi whispered on the other end of t
he phone, “young female student, a yellow sundress and a black denim jacket.”
Zara.