Sama lay on her bed with her headphones on. She had been in her room since the sisters had returned home from college. She was lost in a memory from ten years ago. It was all so vivid.
A little girl, wearing a frilly yellow dress and a matching ribbon in her wind-ruffled ponytail. She was standing in front of their old house in Pune, on a grass patch near the main road. She could still see how the leaves had rustled in the gentle wind as she bent her head sideways and watched. A small puppy, whimpering, dragged a bleeding leg across the road. She watched how the dragging leg left a trail of blood. The puppy was trying to move towards her house. She knew this, because it always came inside to play with Sevita. Just then, she heard a shrill scream. Sevita, wearing an identical dress and ribbon, came running across their front garden and knelt near the puppy in the middle of the road.
‘Maa! Maa!’ she screamed at the top of her lungs. Some neighbours peeked out of their windows. Their mother came rushing out of the house.
‘What happened? Oh, oh my God!’ she covered her mouth, horrified at the sight of the pup’s crushed leg. Sevita was holding it in her arms. Her frock was stained with blood, her eyes red with tears.
‘He must’ve come under a car or something.’ Mrs Vyas guided them away from the road and towards the grass patch.
‘Take him to a doctor. Please save him!’ Sevita cried. ‘I’ll get the car keys,’ their mother said and turned to the house.
‘It’ll die,’ Sama said nonchalantly. ‘It’s been bleeding for a long time. I don’t think there is any blood left inside it at all.’
Sevita cried louder. Mrs Vyas stared at Sama, frightened by her calmness. Ever since that day, their mother had never been the same with her. She had never hugged her or kissed her like she did Sevita.
She hates you, a voice hissed in her head.
Sama pulled the headphones off, as if the voice had come from it and stood up. There was a full-length mirror in the corner of her room. She walked up to it and looked at herself. Her face was just the same as Sevita’s, but without her sister’s lively expressions. It was as if the reflection of a hollow ceramic doll was staring back at her. Lifeless and empty.
•••
‘Maa, I’ll be back in a while.’
‘Where are you going, Sevita?’
‘Just Shruti’s place.’
Sama heard Sevita’s hurried footsteps. She was wearing heels, probably the pair of red wedge heels she had bought a week ago. She heard the front door shut over the sounds of her dad watching TV in the living room. Sama picked up her black jacket and stepped out of the room quietly.
‘I’ll be back soon,’ she almost whispered to Mr. Vyas.
‘Hmm …’ He was so immersed in his movie that he did not see Sama take the keys to the scooty when she left.
Sama walked towards where the scooty was parked. A faint light from the street lamps lit the road. She could hear the clacking of her sister’s heels at some distance. Suddenly a car’s engine came rumbling to life. Then the sound of the heeled footsteps was gone.
By the time Sama was on the road, no car was visible, but she knew where to go. It was a path that wound up the hills and into the forest. She didn’t wear a helmet as she rode up the hilly road. A cold breeze hit her face as she whizzed past the trees. Slowly the surroundings became darker, the tree growth denser. Sama knew there was a deserted spot close by, near the top of a hill. You had to take a sharp right turn and go off the trail to get there.
A car was parked behind some bushes, just beyond the turn. Sama stopped a good distance before she reached the car and hid the scooter behind a rock. The moonlight was amazingly bright that night. Only the sound of cicadas could be heard. Were they singing or screaming? Sama moved quietly. There were not many sheltered spots there except for a big rock at the very edge of the hill. But she couldn’t approach the spot directly without being seen. She took another path towards the same point. It was dangerous, a narrow and muddy trail. After a few minutes, she climbed up behind the big rock at the edge. There was a spot where she could sit down, unseen, and still be within hearing range. She could even watch them from here.
‘C’mon, stop it, Kunal!’ Sevita was laughing. She was sitting close to him, not far from the edge, looking out over the moonlit landscape. ‘Your jokes are not funny anymore.’
‘Aren’t they? Oh no, seems like you are a college girl now.’ He stressed on the word ‘college’.
‘Yes, that I am. So are you.’
‘I’m a college girl?’ He joked. Sevita nudged him. Kunal held her arm playfully.
‘Let go!’ She tried to free her arm, but stopped when her eyes met his.
‘You said you wanted to wait till we were in college and now we are.’ He moved closer to her. ‘You know I love you. From the first time I saw you, I have loved you. Will you go out with me? Give me a chance to win you forever?’
With each word she heard, Sama’s heart grew colder. ‘Yes, I love you too,’ Sevita said at last.
Kunal let out a small, laugh. They inched closer till their lips touched. Sevita trembled as they kissed.
‘It’s just me,’ Kunal whispered, holding her close in a warm embrace. ‘Close your eyes …’ He kissed her again. Sevita put her arms around his neck, caressing his hair and then moving her fingers to his face. They seemed to be swaying together, lost in the moment.
Sama watched them kiss for a long time until both were out of breath. They chuckled together softly. Sevita leaned against Kunal and he put his arms around her, kissing her on her forehead. It was a night they would never forget.
It was a night Sama could never forget.
•••
Sama quietly retraced her way to the scooty and rode home. She went into her room without eating her dinner and lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Something was wrong. It was a silent night and yet her ears rang with weird vibrations. She felt distinctly queasy. She could feel acid pump out of her heart instead of blood. Every inch of her body started to burn.
‘No … no … Go away!’ She rubbed her arms, her chest, her stomach and her head. Finally she stood up, almost tearing her tee shirt off. Then she walked to the mirror and looked at her sorry self. Her hair was messed up, so she combed it down, just like Sevita did every day. Then she cleaned the kajal smeared by her tears. Taking a deep breath, she smiled. But her smile was lopsided. The fact stung her, so she took another deep breath and lifted the other side of her lips deliberately.
‘Ha! I look just like her,’ she said to her reflection.
She tried to mimic her sister’s laugh. Her own laugh had a dull, nasal sound, so she cleared her nose and throat and tried again. She practised Sevita’s laughter, the way she raised her eyebrows, the way she glanced at Kunal shyly every time she saw him, the way she stood upright with her chin slightly down. She stopped abruptly.
You can never be her … try all you want … this is just you mimicking her.
She stared into the mirror, her expression back to lifeless.
•••
The next morning, Sama announced that she would be taking the bus to college. Sevita and Mr Vyas tried to dissuade her.
‘I don’t like to ride on a two-wheeler. Besides, I can’t wait for your friends to leave every day.’
‘You could talk to them, Sama…’
‘I don’t like them. I will only speak with Kunal,’ Sama said coldly. Then she left for the bus stop, leaving her father and sister dumbstruck.
‘I don’t know why you bother,’ Mrs. Vyas said to no one in particular.
Over the week it became clear that this was Sama’s new routine. Sevita tried to talk to her, but Sama shut her out, both in college and at home. It seemed as if she did not want to talk to her sister at all. Even Shruti and Astha were concerned, but no one knew how to deal with Sama. Not even her father. Kunal couldn’t bear to see Sevita worrying about Sama every day.
‘Let’s see, we can take her with us for the movie. What say?’ he said to Sevita. ‘It’s a special screening organised by a friend. I can arrange an extra ticket.’
‘That should be good.’ Sevita smiled at his suggestion as they sat together in a café.
The word about Sevita and Kunal seeing each other had spread like wildfire. Everyone in college was talking about it. No one cared about the moody twin who disappeared at lunchtime into the forest.
Sama hadn’t found an opportunity to follow her sister since that night on the hill. Sevita went out with Kunal every day, often right after classes, so she couldn’t follow them. Instead, she took to walking in the forest. She would take a jar with her. The woods presented her with a wide variety of insects. Moths, butterflies, dragonflies, centipedes, cicadas … every kind of insect people wouldn’t want in their homes. She used a small net to catch them and stored them in separate jars. Moths were her favourites. The bigger the better.
Insects were so much easier to handle than humans.
•••
Saturday arrived, bringing in thunder and rain. Sevita saw the sky turn grey from her window, and felt her spirits sink. She wanted to be with Kunal but the rains made it impossible. She sipped her hot chocolate and sighed, wondering how she would spend the weekend without seeing him. She hoped Monday would bring a clearer sky. As she daydreamed, her phone rang.
‘What are you doing?’ It was Kunal. He sounded as if he was out in the rain.
‘I’m at home watching the downpour and ruing the fact that we will not be able to see each other today.’
‘Says who? Open your window.’ ‘What?’ She blinked.
‘Open it. Wait, lock your door first.’
‘It’s locked!’ Sevita rushed to open the window. Kunal was standing right outside it beside the hedge.
‘Kunal! What are you … Goodness! Come in, quick.’ She helped him climb up and jump inside. He had an excited grin on his face, as if he’d crossed the Atlantic and reached the shore.
‘Pure luck that your room is on the ground floor. Or I would’ve had to climb a wall,’ he said, ruffling his dripping hair.
‘You are soaked,’ Sevita said, handling him a towel. ‘This is such a bad idea. You will catch a cold.’
‘Yeah, I should take my shirt off,’ he joked. Sevita threw a cushion at him.
‘You are really lucky. Dad is out at work and mom is busy with her fruit art. Sama is lost as usual in her own world somewhere in her room and—’
Kunal pulled her close and kissed her, taking her by surprise. She closed her eyes as her legs turned to jelly. When he pulled away, she felt her lungs had forgotten to breathe. ‘I can’t live a day without seeing you,’ he looked into her eyes and said. His body was warm against her, even with a barrier of a soaking wet shirt. Sevita smiled and looked away. Water dripped from his hair on to her face.
‘Kunal, you are soaking wet. I guess you should take your shirt off and let it dry. But behave yourself, okay? We will only talk.’ She looked at him and pressed a finger against his lips.
‘Yes, ma’am!’ He smiled and unbuttoned his shirt, revealing a muscular torso. Sevita looked away, turning bright red, and found a hair dryer to dry his shirt.
Kunal watched her work diligently. Even while drying a wet shirt she looked gorgeous. To him she was the most beautiful girl in the world.
Sevita felt Kunal’s eyes on her and glanced at him. He was radiating a kind of vigour that made her feel lightheaded. She needed to focus on drying the shirt if she wanted to stay sane.
‘This should do for now.’ Sevita kept the dryer aside after some time. ‘It will dry soon, I guess.’ She stepped closer to him, trying not to look into his eyes.
‘Don’t worry about it,’ he said as their fingers intertwined.
‘Kunal, we are going too far, too fast. Let’s draw a line here,’ Sevita said, hesitating, and looked up. Kunal was smiling back at her.
‘Yes, we should. We can go as slow as you want. But can I sit inside your blanket for a while? It’s cold!’ Kunal said.
‘Yes, you can,’ Sevita laughed. They sat together on a couch beside her bed with a blanket over them, arm in arm, talking about every random topic they could think of. Sevita even sneaked in extra hot chocolate for him.
In the far end of the room across the corridor, darkened by the clouds outside and heavy curtains inside, Sama was sitting on the floor in a corner with her tablet. She peered into the screen and watched Sevita and Kunal as they played thumb wars. She listened as they discussed their date plans. She had a clear view of Sevita’s room.
‘If the weather clears tomorrow, I will take you to this new café near the water sports club. Nik and his bully gang posted a picture of it. Looks good,’ Kunal was saying.
‘The one with Italian food? Let’s do it,’ Sevita replied.
‘Delisiozo, yeah. We can also take a speedboat ride.’
‘Hmm … Only if you promise to hold me, or I will fall.’
‘I promise. We will go after the movie,’ Kunal said, as she leaned over to kiss him.
Alone in her room, Sama watched them kissing and stroking each other. She watched how Kunal’s hands glided over Sevita’s face, neck and back. She watched as they looked into each other’s eyes in peaceful silence. Once again, Sama felt her heart pumping acid. She was unable to breathe properly.
If only she could look into his eyes like Sevita did.