What a long day it was. Definitely did not expect that when I woke up this morning. Also, plus point to be, I did guess it correctly; the bookstore lady was Sebastian’s mother. He offered to walk me back to my home, and before we went up, he stopped by the bookstore and gave her an envelope. I couldn’t see what is written on it, but the lady opened her arms and rubbed her hands on his shoulders. If that isn’t a motherly behaviour, what is? Anyways, after his quick trip, we walked up to my flat. Something embarrassing happened though, I almost forgot which keys are the ones to open my door. Stared at my keys longer than I’m proud of, almost turned my keys the wrong way too. For an instant, I was also worried that I might be at the wrong door but thank the heavens I wasn’t. I invited Sebastian in. Just wanted to offer him something to drink to thank him for spending the day with me. It was unexpected, and it was very pleasant.
Went into the kitchen after to find my tea sachets and accidentally dropped a cup. That’s when I saw a note on the floor.
“Don’t drink the coffee from the coffee maker. The coffee is disgusting, and the machine will electrocute you.”
So apparently, I did write it down. Sebastian is in my living room. He’s writing somethings on his notebook, I didn’t want to interrupt him, so I lseft him there. I can’t admit this to him, but I don’t want to go to sleep. I don’t want to forget the day I had. It was nothing special, just an average anyone would have. But unlike the average person, I won’t remember anything the next day. There is no next day for me. It’s just a day and I have to live through over and over again. I start everyday not even knowing who I am or where I’m at, and I have to spend so many hours flipping through what feels like strangers’ diaries to have a semblance of who I am, but those are not words of a stranger, those are my words, the handwriting clearly indicates so. But I can’t remember.
In all of the books, the first, the biggest words written are “This will become but a dream. If you don’t want to forget, do not go to sleep, do not wake up.”
This is probably why I wake up drained this morning, and probably every morning before. I wish I knew, but they are all splayed across the living room floor, so many memories scattered across random maps and notebooks, and I can’t find them. After today, I probably won’t even know where I placed this book tomorrow. It was an enjoyable day today, I really don’t want to forget it.
Who knows how many times I’ve made this wish, but if I hadn’t made it before, I really wish I can remember my days after my nights. I don’t want to be a stranger to myself.